


A Baker's Dream

by crazywalls



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Art, Artist Steve Rogers, Awkward Dates, Baker Bucky Barnes, Baking, Big Hero 6 Spoilers, Breakfast in Bed, Christmas, Christmas Cookies, Coming Out, Cooking, Dogs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Goodbyes, Homophobia, Ice Skating, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Movie Reference, Mutual Pining, New Year's Eve, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recipes, Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2018-09-10 18:40:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 74,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8928613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazywalls/pseuds/crazywalls
Summary: Bucky is pining for the hot customer who seems to become a regular in his café but he's too shy to really talk to him, and seriously, which baker has time for romance right before Christmas? Apparently, his friends think he's an idiot who needs some help in the relationship department.





	1. Chapter 1

A cold gust of wind made the little bells over the door jingle as a new customer entered and Bucky shivered from the sudden cold. He’d just brought a new batch of Christmas cookies from the kitchen in the back which was considerably warmer but with Natasha’s break starting in two minutes he’d have to stay behind the counter for now. Bucky preferred working in the kitchen of his small café if he was being completely honest. Sure, he liked people, loved making his customers happy, but baking just relaxed him and he’d always loved being in his own little world while creating the most delicious pastries. Brushing a few loose strands of hair from his face with the back of his right hand, Bucky looked up when Natasha nudged him with her elbow and nodded over to the door. 

“Fuck,” Bucky breathed just when the man that had just entered his café looked up from the display counter and directly at Bucky.

“Well, I’m off to my break, see ya in fifteen,” Natasha said with a wink and disappeared into the backroom before Bucky could protest.

Great. Just his luck that the guy would come in exactly when Bucky couldn’t hide in the kitchen. And why was he so early? He forced himself to smile even though he knew it had to look forced. “Hello, how can I help you?”

“Hey. Uh, I honestly don’t know what to get today, all of this looks great. Any recommendations?” the man – Steve, if Natasha was correct and judging by her spy-like abilities she probably was – asked.

Bucky looked down at all the pastries. “Depends on what you like, the gingerbread and the fruit cake are great, the Christmas stollen only got out of the oven half an hour ago and is still warm and…”

“What’s your favourite?” Steve interrupted softly.

“I, uh, my… My favourite?” Bucky’s stutter earned him a smile and he cursed himself for reacting like this, but damn, this guy had slowly been driving him insane since he’d come into his café for the first time at the beginning of fall.

“Yeah, I mean, I can trust a baker’s personal recommendation, don’t you think?”

“Um, I guess…” Bucky hated that his cheeks were growing hot.

After a moment of awkward silence the guy probed, “So?” 

“So…? Oh, right, the… the cookies. These ones,” Bucky gestured at star shaped Christmas cookies to his right. “You should try them. They’re amazing, it’s a new recipe. Mostly icing sugar, a lot of nuts and cinnamon.”

Leaning closer, the man peered at them, then smiled up at Bucky. “I’ll take half a dozen, then. What’re they called?”

“‘Zimtsterne’ which means cinnamon stars. They’re German, I found the recipe recently and just had to try them. I love trying new stuff,” Bucky explained, proud to deliver a complete sentence without stumbling over his words. “Can I get you anything else?”

“A large coffee to go, please.” With a glance at his watch, he seemed to consider something. “No, actually, I’m gonna have it here. I’m early for once.”

Bucky had noticed as much, he usually came in almost half an hour later than today. “Oh, uh, sure. Just take a seat, I’ll bring your order right away. Won’t take long.” Which was true since there were barely any customers frequenting the café at the moment – it was too late for most of the folks that had breakfast here and not yet lunchhour.

Glad he wouldn’t have to directly look at the guy anymore for the moment, Bucky turned to the coffee machine, pressed a button, squeezed his eyes shut and took a slow breath. Jesus, he really needed to get this stupid crush on a man that was practically a stranger under control. But damn him if he could resist those stupid blue eyes and that muscular built.

The beep of the coffee machine pulled him out of his thoughts. He took the mug and placed a small plate with cookies on a tray, added the mug, milk and sugar and made his way to the table near the window.

“Here you go.” Bucky smiled shyly.

“Thank you.” The smile he got in return sent his heart racing. God, he was ridiculous.

The soft sound of the bells reminded him of where he was and it saved Bucky from staring at the man for too long. He abruptly turned and headed back behind the counter to greet one of his favourite customers. “Good morning, Miss Carter.”

“Darling, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Peggy?” the old woman asked with a fond smile. “Do you have anything new and exciting for me?”

“I believe I do. You just have to try these.” Bucky took a single cinnamon star and handed it over the counter.

“They’re delicious,” a voice at the other end of the small room piped up. Bucky and Peggy both looked over to see Steve grinning at them, a half-eaten cookie in his hand.

“Well thank you for your opinion, dear, I’m sure James here really appreciates it.” Peggy smiled back and took a bite, sighing at the taste. “They really are. Would you wrap up two dozen for me?”

“Of course. Is there anything else you would like to try?”

“Not today, thank you. But I’d like a cup of that hazelnut cappuccino of yours.”

“On it.”

While Bucky was putting the cookies into a bag, Peggy leaned over the counter and murmured over the noise of the coffee machine, “And who is this lovely young gentleman over there?”

“A rather new customer,” Bucky shrugged, trying to look nonchalant. “Don’t know much about him.”

“That’s a shame, dear.” Peggy took the mug that Bucky handed her.

Bucky laughed quietly as he set the bag with the cookies on the counter. “Why don’t you go over and talk to him then?”

“If I were fifty years younger I just might. But I think he is more of your type anyway.” The smug glint in her eyes told Bucky she wasn’t joking, not really, and he actually blushed.

“See, I’m not the only one who thinks it’s obvious,” Natasha announced from behind Bucky. “Hi, Peggy.”

“Oh hello, dear. So how long has this been going on?” the old lady asked curiously, looking from Bucky to Natasha and back.

Natasha crossed her arms and smirked. “What, you mean the staring at him from the kitchen because Bucky here’s too chicken to come out or the actually talking to him part?”

“I’m not… Y’know, never mind, you don’t believe me anyway. I gotta go check on the cookies in the oven. As always it was lovely seeing you, Miss Carter.” With that, Bucky hightailed back to the kitchen, ignoring Natasha’s chuckling and the old woman’s “It’s Peggy!”.

He opened the oven door and peeked at the pastries, then switched the oven off and pulled the baking sheets out. Leaning against the counter, he ran a hand over his face. This thing he had for the blond guy was absolutely ridiculous and it needed to stop. Bucky just hoped the Christmas break would help him get his mind off of him because dammit, he really didn’t need this kind of distraction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first Marvel fic and I felt like writing something fluffy and Christmas-y so here you go, I really hope you like it :)  
> I'm not sure about the rating yet so I'll change it with the next one or two chapters (it's probably not going to be longer than 3)  
> Zimtsterne are my favourite Christmas cookies ever, if anyone wants to check them out I found a recipe similar to the one I always use here: http://www.bobthechef.com/recipe/cinnamon-stars-zimtsterne


	2. Chapter 2

Only three more days until Christmas and Bucky was sure never in his life had he been this stressed. Sure, owning a café and being the only actual baker in it was stressful in itself but right before Christmas people just flooded the small space. Not that he’d complain about his little café becoming more and more popular with every passing month, but he thought he might just get a heart attack from the stress and the lack of sleep. Of course, Natasha just laughed at him and told him to “Woman up!” when he tried to complain once. Maybe he really needed to get a new waiter.

It had been two days since “dreamy Steve” (Natasha’s words again, not his, even if he couldn’t really argue that) had last stepped foot into his café and Bucky had given up the little bit of hope to see him today since it was way past noon already – Steve never came in that late. At least Peggy was there to brighten his day, she’d only smiled at him when he had tried to explain how sorry he was but he wouldn’t have the time for a longer chat today, laid a hand on his arm and reassured him she’d be just fine.

He was so busy with rolling dough, checking on the pastries in the oven, helping out Natasha behind the counter and preventing a minor disaster with the coffee machine that he didn’t even notice Steve coming in. Only when he was running the back of his hand over his sweaty forehead he looked up and found him smiling at him. And he was wearing glasses. Oh god. 

“Uh, h-hi, how can I help you?” he stammered. Damn it, if he’d at least had time to prepare for this conversation, any conversation with Steve really… Who was he kidding, he’d stutter one way or another. Focus, dammit, he scolded himself.

“I’ll take a piece of that Christmas stollen and caramel macchiato, please. Pretty busy here,” he remarked as Bucky pushed a button on the coffee machine.

“Yeah, it’s almost Christmas and people are either buying presents or realised they already ran out of their own cookies and don’t want to bake any more.”

Steve grinned. “Or they just can’t bake for shit, like me.” 

“Everyone can bake,” Bucky disagreed and set the macchiato mug on the counter.

“Believe me, I can’t, you wouldn’t even recognise whatever I’m doing there as baking. Speaking of, I can see that you’re busy but if you have a moment, maybe later, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about…” 

Bucky took a moment to reply. “Um, yeah, I’ll… see what I can do. Here you go.”

“Thank you. Well, I’ll be right over there,” Steve said and pointed at the table Peggy was always occupying – and also frequenting right now. 

“Sure, uh, see you,” Bucky managed to get out and cleared his throat before he smiled shakily at the next customer. How the hell did Steve know Peggy? And what was this about?

Natasha’s “Your kitchen needs you!” didn’t leave him much time to think about it, though, because getting a batch of butter cookies out of the oven just in time, preparing the next five baking sheets and decorating the cookies while simultaneously keeping an eye on the oven kept him busy for the next half hour. He should really think about hiring someone else if people kept coming in like this after New Year’s. Apparently, word of his small but cosy place got around faster than he’d ever imagined.

Around half past five, Natasha stuck her head into the kitchen. “You almost done with those?” she asked, nodding at the cookies he was frosting at the moment. At his nod, she declared, “Okay, you finish that up and then you go take a break. Don’t even try arguing with me, Barnes, you’ve been working for five hours straight and have been up since when this morning?”

Admitting she had a point, Bucky sighed and put the frosting bag down. “Fine.”

“Good. Here, I made you some coffee, you look like you’ll need it if you wanna survive till we close.” She forced a steaming mug of black coffee into his hands.

“Gee, thanks, that’s just what I wanted to hear,” he muttered.

Natasha smiled sweetly and pushed him towards the door. “Now go, someone’s still waiting for you.”

Of course she didn’t need to remind him, but Bucky hadn’t really expected that if he was being completely honest. “What? Wait, he’s still here?”

“Yup. Hasn’t moved an inch. Now hush.” She shooed him through the door, swatting his hand away from his hair. “You look fine, go.”

“You just said…”

“If you don’t go over there right this second I swear to God I will drag you. Don’t make me do this.”

Bucky didn’t doubt it for a second and slowly made his way through the café, trying not to spill his coffee. Peggy had left and Steve was sitting at the table alone, immersed in some book in front of him.

“Hey,” Bucky eventually said softly after realising that just standing there waiting for his customer to notice him while obviously staring might not be good for his reputation.

Steve looked up and a smile spread over his face. “Hi. Glad you could make it, I’m not gonna take much of your time, promise. Do you wanna sit down with me for a moment?”

Bucky just nodded, clutching his mug tighter as he took a seat. “So you wanted to… talk?”

“Yes, right. Peggy told me you’re always looking for new recipes and I know it’s almost Christmas but my friend Sam makes those amazing chocolate gingerbread cookies and I haven’t seen anything like ‘em anywhere so I thought I’d talk him into giving me the recipe and showing it to you. I mean, if you’re even interested, that is…” For the first time, Steve looked somewhat insecure. “I’m sorry, I’m sure you’re crazy busy as it is, I could just leave it with you and you check it out after the holidays and if you think it could be something you could try ‘em next year? I swear they’re the best things I’ve ever eaten – apart from your cookies maybe.”

Not quite sure what to reply, Bucky watched him go through his bag and pull out a sheet of paper. He pushed his glasses back up his nose as he held the paper out for Bucky who took it and looked over the list of ingredients.

“I’m Steve by the way.” He stuck out his hand again.

Taking the proffered hand and shaking it, Bucky cleared his throat. “Bucky.” Steve’s grip was firm and warm.

Steve raised a brow. “Come again?”

“I’m Bucky.”

“Oh, I thought your name was James.”

“How…” Bucky blinked. “Peggy?”

Steve nodded sheepishly.

“She’s the only one who calls me that, really. Bucky’s fine. How do you even know her?”

With a grin, Steve admitted, “I don’t, she just asked me if I’d mind her sitting with me because she wanted to talk to someone and never gets out and talks to people. Except for when she visits your café, apparently.”

Bucky barely managed to hold back a snort. Yeah, right. Peggy was probably the most talkative person he’d ever met and she was constantly going from her knitting club to veterans’ meetings to whatnot. Then he remembered her curiosity for Bucky’s interest in Steve. That sneaky old lady. “I see,” he muttered. “Hope she didn’t bother you too much, she’s lovely but she can occasionally chew your ear off.”

Steve laughed and Bucky hid behind his mug of coffee, pretending to take a sip. He couldn’t quite believe it, he was actually talking to Steve and had just made him laugh. Damn, he was way in too deep.

“I found her quite refreshing, a very interesting person,” Steve reassured him, still smiling.

“That she is…” Bucky mumbled. “So, you already got holidays? You usually come in around noon.” Great, now he almost sounded like a stalker.

“Nah, just called it a day earlier than usual. Thought I’d swing by, get some of your delicious food and give you the recipe.” Was Bucky imagining things or were Steve’s cheeks growing a faint pink? Nah, that couldn’t be.

“Well thanks. For the compliment and the recipe, I mean,” he added quickly. “It looks great, I might try it when I’m free again. Speaking of, I’m afraid I gotta go back to work. It was nice meeting you, Steve.” Wow, that was a lot more coherent than expected.

Watching as Bucky got up, Steve nodded and replied, “You too, Bucky.”

No, his heart most definitely did not just skip a beat when Steve said his name. Absolutely not. “Ridiculous,” he murmured to himself as he headed back to the kitchen, his mug in one hand, the recipe Steve had given him in the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might or might not get more than 3 chapters, we'll see (I have way too many ideas for this...)  
> You'll definitely get more of pining Bucky with a crush like a teenager so be prepared   
> If anyone's interested in the cookies from this chapter, my best friend found a recipe similar to the ones she really likes (since our actual recipes are never in English I have to give you others that are more or less the same, sorry about that), you can find it here: http://www.handletheheat.com/chewy-chocolate-gingerbread-cookie/


	3. Chapter 3

“You,” Natasha said and poked Bucky in the side with her finger, “are insane. And head over heels into dreamy Steve.”

“Leave me alone,” Bucky grumbled as he tried to avoid being poked again but Natasha was relentless.

“At least stop being grumpy, it’s nobody’s but your own fault that you barely got any sleep and you know it.”

Glaring at her, he growled, “Get out of my kitchen. Now.”

“Fine, no need to be this pissy,” she said, grabbed a handful of warm cookies from one of the baking sheets and stuffed one into her mouth. 

Bucky threw some cookie cutters at her. “Out!”

Natasha was right, though, not that he’d ever admit it to her. He was an idiot and probably going crazy – because of all the stress, mostly, not mainly because of Steve, he told himself. Although even he had to admit his behaviour was anything but normal. Yes, Bucky was a baker who was literally stress baking (resulting in him baking almost twice as much as he probably had to), but he should focus on the recipes he knew, the pastries that would be gone in an hour or two because they were Christmas classics and that he often needed to bake again during opening hours, resulting in even more stress. 

But no, here he was, already up for six hours, trying a recipe his sister Rebecca had gushed over, even though Bucky didn’t know if his customers would like the pastries. Baking foreign specialties could pay off, he knew that – and Peggy would love every one of them and recommend them –, but some people preferred the traditional things and wouldn’t be caught dead with anything they didn’t know.

“Their problem,” he grumbled to himself as he mixed a dough before forming little balls, setting them on the baking trays and decorating them with almonds.

“You know you’re not gonna live through this day if you continue like that,” a scratchy voice announced from the door. 

Bucky whirled around, almost dropping the bag of almonds, and glowered at Clint. “Not if you give me a heart attack. Why’re you up at this time of day, anyway?”

“Natasha threatened she’d throw out my Xbox if I didn’t show. And I mean it, either you die from exhaustion and sleep deprivation or because Nat wrings your neck. She’s not happy about you letting yourself go like this.”

Bucky frowned. “I don’t –”

“Yes you do!” Natasha yelled from behind the counter.

“You’re not my mother!” Bucky called back.

“Might as well pretend I am since there’s no one around who’d take care of you. I mean, I’m sure Steve’d take real good care of you if you had the balls to tell him you like him but that ain’t gonna happen so someone has to mother you.”

“That sounds so wrong coming from you,” Bucky murmured and Clint slapped him on the shoulder. 

“See what I have to deal with every day?” he asked in faked despair. 

Peeking around the corner, Natasha grinned at him. “You love it. But seriously, Bucky, if you don’t take a nap as soon as you’re done with that I will kick your ass. I don’t care that we’re about to open, you got like, what, two hours of sleep?”

When she glared at him, clearly expecting an honest answer, he mumbled, “Three and a half.”

“You’ve baked enough for three days. You finish whatever that is you’re making now and then go. I can run the show for a couple hours without you. Take a fucking nap. End of discussion.” With that, she turned and walked over to the tables near the window to check the decoration and refill the sugar casters.

“I’d listen to her,” Clint whispered before walking after her and whining, “Naaat, you promised me coffee. I haven’t had any coffee yet.”

‘Only two days,’ Bucky thought to himself as he put the last of the dough on the baking plate. ‘Two more days of work, then I can take three days off.’ He could do that.

***

Little over one and a half hours later, Bucky stumbled down the stairs from his tiny apartment above the café and into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes and stifling a yawn. While trying to tame his bedhead with a hair tie he looked around the kitchen, finding it just as messy as he’d left it after Natasha had practically shoved him into the stairwell behind it that led up to his apartment. He sighed and decided he needed a cup of coffee first.

He couldn’t wait for the holidays – sleeping in was something he hadn’t done in… actually, he couldn’t even remember the last time he’d slept longer than till four am. Of course it came with the job but occasionally he’d like to stay in bed until eight or maybe nine, that would be heaven.

“Hey sleeping beaut- never mind, you still look like hell,” Natasha greeted him cheerfully. “Those new cookies are a hit with the customers, just so you know. Where’d you find ‘em?”

“Rebecca told me I had to make them. Dunno where she got the recipe. Still busy today I suppose?”

“Crazy busy. I managed, though. Clint helped.”

Bucky’s eyes widened. “Oh god. Please tell me everything’s okay.”

“Don’t worry, I made sure he wouldn’t break anything and or insult anyone.”

“Great…”

Noon went by incredibly fast, Bucky and Natasha barely had any time to catch their breath and Bucky had to man the register for longer than he’d liked because Natasha was so busy waiting tables in the crowded café and making a quick grocery run. He was definitely going to hire another waiter right after New Year’s he decided as he slumped down on the only stool in the kitchen to have a bite to eat – even though he was surrounded by food and loved pastries he sometimes just forgot to eat and he really didn’t need Natasha scolding him again.

It was shortly after four pm when Peggy came in, smiling at Bucky and handing him a small package over the counter. “I know you’re still open for a few hours tomorrow, James, but I don’t think I’ll make it so I brought you a little something today. Is Natasha around, too?”

“Oh, uh, thank you, Miss Carter, that really wasn’t necessary. Natasha should be back any moment.”

Peggy tried to look strict but her eyes gave her away. “I didn’t get you this because I deemed it necessary, I did it because you’re a sweetheart and I hoped it might make your day, seeing how stressed out you have been lately. And when will you start calling me Peggy, darling?”

“When you start calling me Bucky, ma’am. And thank you, really.”

“Fair enough,” Peggy laughed, then looked around. Since no one was waiting behind her, she asked, “Aren’t you going to open it?”

“But it’s not Christmas yet…” Bucky protested.

“Aw, shush, just open it.”

Looking around to make sure all his customers were happy and didn’t want anything from him at the moment, Bucky undid the bow that decorated the package and opened the wrapping paper, revealing a packet of English Breakfast tea and a bag of fudge.

“The good English stuff,” Peggy grinned conspiratorially, “I once heard you complaining about the black tea here and thought you’d appreciate it.”

The surprise clearly written on his face, Bucky blinked at Peggy, then smiled brightly. “Thank you, Miss Carter, that’s so nice of you.”

She winked. “Of course, after all you are my favourite baker in the whole city. Now, I’ll try your Christmas cappuccino and those new cookies. Are those almonds?” 

Bucky’s face flushed at the praise. “Thanks, ma’am, and yes. There’s a lot of marzipan in them, too.”

“You know I’ve always had a sweet tooth. I’ll take fifteen, I absolutely trust your judgement.”

“Sure.” Grabbing a small bag, Bucky started on Peggy’s order. “Mind if I try that fudge?” He just couldn’t help it, even if his diet mostly consisted of sweet pastries anyway (and he was getting a little pudgy around the middle, as Natasha had helpfully pointed out the other day) he had to give it a try.

Peggy smiled in encouragement. “Oh, not at all, dear.”

While the cappuccino was brewing, Bucky opened the bag and popped a piece of fudge into his mouth, chewing slowly. He barely held back a moan at the taste.

“So, did Steven get back to you regarding that recipe? He’s a charming young man, you know?” the old lady asked innocently.

Bucky almost choked on the fudge. “I-I… He did… Did you…?” he stammered between coughs.

“I just mentioned that you’re always looking for new recipes that people around here don’t really know. He said he knew just the one, just wasn’t sure if he’d get his friend to give him his secret cookie recipe. Said he’d have to do a lot of convincing. Anyway, thank you for the cookies and coffee. Keep the change and I’ll talk to you later.” She put a few bills on the counter, snatched her order and strode towards her usual seat.

Bucky could only gape after her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again and thank you so much for all the kudos, subscriptions, bookmarks and kind words, they really keep me motivated :D  
> The recipe Bucky got from his sister is for Bethmännchen, a regional specialty where I'm from (you might notice I'm a sucker for everything with marzipan but there'll be recipes without it, too; also I don't know a lot of non-German Christmas cookies because we have so many so I only ever made those). I found a nice blogpost including the recipe in both English and German here: http://kitchenlioness.blogspot.de/2014/12/bethmannchen-little-bethmann.html  
> Also, I made it my personal challenge to upload a chapter every night till Christmas but I don't know if I'll post one Christmas Eve (but then a lot of you will probably be busy anyway)


	4. Chapter 4

Only one more hour. One more hour, then Bucky could close up and head home. He’d decided not to open his café on Christmas Eve – speak, tomorrow – and instead just sleep in and take things slow before he’d go over to Natasha and Clint’s in the late afternoon. 

Bucky could hardly wait, keeping his café closed for three days in a row probably was his own personal record. And he knew exactly how he’d spent his free time: in his bed, sleeping or watching Netflix and crappy TV and ordering take out. No baking, no unnecessary cooking, not even unnecessary moving around his apartment.

“Barnes, you’re practically drooling. Thinking about dreamy Steve?” Of course Natasha had to interrupt his daydreams.

“I’m not, and stop calling him that.” He glared at her.

“Then what should I call him?” She pretended to think about it. “Gorgeous Steve? Walking wet dream? Your dream boyfriend?”

Bucky dropped his face in his hands, mostly to hide his embarrassment. “I hate you so much. Please just leave me alone.” By now even he had realised that denying his crush was pointless. Everyone had noticed. Well, everyone except for Steve, luckily.

Wiggling her brows suggestively, Natasha said, “Clint always says that, too. Wanna know what he does right after that?”

“I’m begging you, please spare me. I wanna keep my innocence.” 

That earned him a snort. “I doubt your thoughts about sexy Steve are that innocent.”

Instead of answering, Bucky just flipped her off and left the kitchen. The café had finally gotten a little less crowded and busy and he’d stopped baking about four hours ago since he had made way too much anyway. He’d bring what would be left over to the closest food bank after work, hoping to make a few people there a little happier, too.

A few of his regulars were still sitting at the tables and chatting with each other and Bucky made sure to walk by every one of them and wish them happy holidays. When he’d finished his round he made his way back to the display counter, a tray with plates in his hand. Suddenly, something bumped into his side and Bucky stumbled, almost letting go of the tray, and he probably would have fallen if not for the hands grasping his waist and his left hand holding the tray.

“Shit! Shit, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going. Are you okay?”

Bucky regained his footing and nodded. “I’m fine, nothing… Oh.” He swallowed when he realised who’d run into him. “Uh, hi.”

“Hey.” Steve smiled apologetically. “Again, I’m sorry. Really didn’t mean to almost knock you off your feet.”

‘You did that the first time you came in here,’ Bucky thought but luckily his brain to mouth filter worked for once and he didn’t say it out loud. No, he just stared up at Steve. Who was still holding on to him. ‘Smooth, Barnes. Say something, dammit.’ “Nah, it’s good- fine, I mean, I’m fine.” He would probably not be able to form a coherent sentence as long as Steve’s hand was still on his and the other one around his waist.

Apparently, Steve finally realised that, too, and he slowly let go of Bucky. “I swear this is not how I usually do this, really. The walking into places thing, I mean, I’m usually more attentive.” This time, Bucky was sure Steve was actually blushing a little.

“Nothing happened, Steve, you obviously made sure of that, so don’t worry about it,” Natasha piped in next to them and took the tray from Bucky’s hands.

Bucky almost groaned. Of fucking course she had seen the whole thing and would certainly make fun of him later.

“How does she know my name?” Steve asked Bucky in a whisper when Natasha had disappeared into the kitchen.

“I think she knows everything about everyone,” Bucky mumbled back, then continued in a normal voice as he walked behind the counter, “Can I get you anything?”

Nodding, Steve looked at the display of pastries and eventually said, “Yeah, a cup of coffee and whatever cookies you recommend today, please.”

“How about vanilla crescent cookies?”

“Sounds great. I’ll take half a dozen.” Steve smiled at Bucky and Bucky did his best to smile back.

“You want them to go or…?”

“No, I’ll eat here. If you’ll still let me, I know you’re closing soon.”

“Sure, don’t worry about that.” While Bucky prepared Steve’s order he could feel his eyes on him. It was a little unsettling if he was being honest, or maybe that was just the butterflies in his stomach making him feel weird. God dammit, he hadn’t had butterflies since, like, High school maybe.

“Barnes, don’t forget the thingies,” Natasha reminded him as she winked at him from the kitchen door. “Y’know, the thingies you made.”

Bucky gave her a warning glare before setting the cup of coffee onto the counter. “Yeah, I won’t.”

“Thingies?” Steve questioned, raising a brow.

“Just something that’s still in the oven, gotta check on it in a minute,” Bucky lied.

Steve nodded again and took his cup and the cookies. “Well, thank you. I’m sure those cookies are as great as the other’s I’ve had so far. Might have to start working out more if you keep baking so many delicious things, though.” He grinned and made his way to one of the empty tables, leaving Bucky to stare after him.

In the next moment, though, he was being dragged into the kitchen by his wrist. “Hey, ow! What’re you doing?!”

Natasha eyed him, arms crossed over her chest. “I meant what I just said, don’t you dare chicken out now, I know you tried that recipe hot Steve out there gave you and you’re gonna pull yourself together and give him the cookies. You were practically just swooning in his arms so don’t be a wuss.”

“Great pep talk, Romanov, really. And it’s not like I asked him to run into me and catch me.”

“Yeah, whatever. Now go, we’re closing in like fifteen minutes.”

Since there was no way Natasha would be patient and let Bucky take his time, much less let it go, Bucky grabbed a paper bag with festive print and put two dozen cookies in it. He hesitated but Natasha, resolute as always, just shoved him out of the kitchen and glared at him for good measure.

Nervously, Bucky started towards the tables. When he was only a few feet away Steve looked up and smiled. “These cookies are great, as expected. By the way, I, uh, I’d like to make it up to you. The almost running you over.”

That was not how Bucky had imagined this conversation starting. “Oh, you don’t, um, you don’t have to, seriously. I actually came ‘cause…”

“Yeah?”

Taking a deep breath, Bucky basically shoved the bag into Steve’s face. “Here. I made them. Well, I altered the recipe a little but you’re right, they’re really amazing.”

“What?” Steve gaped at him for a moment, then took the bag and looked inside, his eyes widening slightly. “You tried Sam’s cookies? Wow, that’s, uh, great.” He tried to hide his surprise by fishing a cookie from the bag and biting into it, closing his eyes and outright moaning and damn, that sound did things to Bucky…

“Okay, those are even better than Sam’s. They’re a dream! Don’t ever tell him I said that, though,” Steve said, still chewing on the cookie. “How much do I owe you for these?”

“Nothing, it’s fine, was just a test run.” Bucky shrugged one shoulder.

Steve looked at the cookies, then up at Bucky. “Now I feel even guiltier about running into you. What can I do to make it up to you? And don’t tell me I don’t need to, I insist.”

“Um… I really don’t know…” There was no reason at all for Bucky’s mind to provide dirty images, they definitely were not helpful at all, and yet he couldn’t help it.

Thinking for a moment, Steve chewed on another cookie. “How about… No. Hey, you free after closing time?”

“I actually wanted to go over to the food bank a couple blocks down, bring them the things we didn’t sell today,” Bucky admitted.

“I can help!” Steve immediately announced. “If you’d let me, of course.”

“Uh, sure, if you don’t mind…”

“Are you kidding, I think that’s great!”

“Okay, just… let me finish up here.”

Never in his life had ten minutes felt that long, Bucky was sure. Ignoring Natasha’s suggestive smirks (because naturally she had witnessed everything) he wiped down the tables, wished the last customers a merry Christmas and finally turned the sign saying ‘Open’ around. Then he shooed Natasha out the back door, threatening to kick her out if she didn’t leave immediately. She just laughed at him. “Have fun, and no sex on the kitchen counter.”

Bucky growled something unintelligible.

“What do you want me to do?” Steve asked a moment later, strolling into the kitchen. Oh god, Bucky just hoped he hadn’t heard Natasha’s comment.

“We’re gonna pack up everything that’s left over, load it into my car and drive over there.”

“Got it.” 

They worked while chatting about Christmas traditions and the lack of snow, Bucky trying not to freak out about it, and loaded up his car in less than twenty minutes. This was just Steve being a gentleman, nothing more. Nothing to get his heart pounding that hard in his chest. He really was a hopeless case.

The drive to the food bank didn’t take long and Steve was a great help, carrying the heavy trays with no difficulty at all. Bucky might have stared at his broad shoulders as he followed him into the food bank and then smiled at Wanda, the woman organising the Christmas dinner the following day. She was delighted with all the cookies and stollen Steve and Bucky brought into the storage room and thanked them profusely, reassuring Bucky the people would love his pastries and it would make their Christmas dinner a hit.

When they returned to Bucky’s car, Bucky looked at Steve who smiled back at him. “Do you need a ride home?”

“No, I’m good, I’ll just walk. It’s not far.”

“Oh, okay.” He tried not to sound disappointed. “Well, uh, thank you for helping me with this.”

“Of course! Thanks for letting me help, it was fun. We should do something like this again.” With that, Steve leaned forward, placed a soft kiss on Bucky’s cheek and said, “Happy holidays!” before turning and disappearing around the corner.

Bucky stood frozen for several seconds. That wasn’t just Steve being a gentleman, right? And it wasn’t one of his daydreams, either. Bucky touched his cheek where Steve had kissed it. Suddenly, he couldn’t wait until the Christmas holidays were over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, development! (Kinda...) I really hope you like this chapter :)  
> I doubt anyone is still gonna bake any Christmas cookies now but in case anyone's interested anyway, the vanilla crescent cookies in this chapter are Austrian Vanillekipferl and I found a great recipe here: http://baketotheroots.de/vanillekipferl-aka-vanilla-crescent-cookies/  
> I wish all of you a very happy Christmas and hope you'll all have nice holidays ♥


	5. Chapter 5

The holidays had gone by a lot faster than Bucky had anticipated. Christmas Eve had been rather quiet considering he’d been with Natasha and Clint – except for when Clint had almost set the kitchen on fire, but that was hardly anything new.  
  
He’d spent the rest of his free time watching movies in bed and eating junk food, only getting up once to Skype with his sister and mother. After going through the usual questions (“How are you, darling? Are you eating enough? You know that you should eat more vegetables, honey, right? Cookies are not a healthy diet. How’s the café going? Anything new we should know about? Do you meet any nice girls there?”) he’d promised to come back home for his mother’s birthday in February, eventually ended the call and slumped back on his bed, burrowing himself in a nest of pillows and blankets.  
  
With 28 years, Bucky still hadn’t found the courage to tell his mother he’d never bring home a girl. He couldn’t even say why exactly he was scared to tell her. It wasn’t like she wasn’t very accepting but he was scared how she’d react nonetheless. Rebecca knew, of course she did, but she had promised faithfully not to tell anybody years ago and to this day she had kept her promise. It wasn’t even that he was particularly secretive about it, most of his friends knew he was gay, but his mother… He didn’t want to disappoint her, however stupid the thought may be. And because of that, he couldn’t tell her about Steve.  
  
Who he may or may not have thought about the entire holiday, replaying their short time together in his head over and over again. And the kiss… Bucky groaned. He was so fucked.  
  
The day after the holidays had started early, as always, but today Bucky hadn’t gotten out of bed that easily. Sleeping in for the past days had already taken its toll so he wasn’t in a particularly good mood when Natasha came in and immediately started teasing him about his “date” (which it totally hadn’t been) with Steve again. She’d already bugged the hell out of him about it on Christmas Eve and it didn’t look like she’d stop anytime soon. At least he hadn’t caved in and told her any details, much less about the kiss.  
  
He just muttered a few responses and otherwise ignored her as he started arranging the pastries in the display counter.  
  
"You think he’s gonna show up again today?”  
  
That question finally got his attention. “Dunno,” he shrugged and tried to downplay it, acting as if he hadn’t spent the whole weekend obsessing over the possibility and what might happen. Of course Natasha saw right through him.  
  
“Y’know, I think he might’ve run into you on purpose. So he could be all apologetic, but you were still too dumb to ask for a date.”“And I think you should shut up and do your job,” Bucky grumbled. “You know, the one I’m paying you for.”  
  
She just batted her eyelashes at him in faux innocence. “Aww c’mon, Bucky, I’m sure he wants to get into your pants as much as you wanna get into his. And stop denying that’s what you’re daydreaming about every time I catch you staring into space.”  
  
Bucky decided it was better just to keep his mouth shut. Arguing with Natasha never ended well. Glaring at her would have to do, even if she took it as confirmation. Which it clearly was not.  
  
“Everyone knows it. Even Peggy knows it.”  
  
“Natasha, Peggy knows everything,” he stated. “She’s even worse than you. I think she might’ve been a spy before she retired.”  
  
Raising a brow, Natasha asked, “You think? Maybe I should ask her.”  
  
“You do that. By the way, tomorrow I’m gonna place an ad in the newspaper to look for someone to hire.”  
  
“If this is your way of telling me you’re gonna try firing me it’s a pretty bad one,” she joked. “You really think we need some help around here?”  
  
“Have you seen this place in the past couple weeks? I don’t know about you but I’m so exhausted every night that I barely do anything before falling into bed.”  
  
Natasha shrugged. “As long as they’re okay I suppose it’s fine.”  
  
“Oh, what, now I need your permission to hire someone for my own café?”  
  
With a firm nod and an even firmer “Yes.” she walked back into the kitchen to check on the oven that had just begun beeping.  
  
Bucky shook his head and went to open the door. He hoped today wouldn’t be as stressful with most people having eaten way too much over Christmas but you never knew.  
  
Luckily, except for his regulars who always came in for a rather late breakfast and a few students getting coffee before scuffing to the library or wherever students went the café stayed quiet. Peggy breezed in around half past eleven, chatting with Natasha about the amazing holidays she’d had and how lovely it had been to see her grandchildren again. Of course Natasha, the traitor, told her about Steve and Bucky’s “date” (he refused to call it that) and naturally Peggy was all over him about it only seconds later, trying to get him to talk.  
  
And of course that was the exact moment Steve chose to walk in, all charming and greeting Peggy like an old friend. Bucky took his order, smiling insecurely at Steve, brought a plate of new pastries over to him and Peggy a few minutes later and then fled into the kitchen, refusing to come out as he pretended to be fully taken up by baking another load of nut wedges.  
  
When he finally reappeared almost two hours later, Natasha looked at him with a disapproving look. “You’re a wimp,” she told him as she stuck her hand into the cookie jar for tips and fished out a small piece of paper. “Clumsy Steve left that for you.”  
  
Bucky snatched it away from her before she could say anything else and unfolded the paper. Steve had written his name and number in a neat handwriting on it; Bucky was pretty sure the “Call me ♥” had been added by Natasha, though.  
  
“Loverboy left you his number, telling me I should give this to you and only you. I have no idea why he’s so paranoid.”  
  
“Sure you don’t,” Bucky snorted. “I bet you’ve already done a background check on him and everything.”  
  
“Why would you even assume something like this, Barnes?” she asked theatrically before adding, “He seems to be alright, though. Never got arrested because of anything dramatic.”  
  
“Why- Hey, hold on, what’s that supposed to mean?!”  
  
Natasha gave a half-hearted shrug and a sly grin. “Gotta ask him.”  
  
***  
  
That evening, after closing time, Bucky sat in front of his TV, his mobile and the note burning in his pocket. The reality show he was trying to watch did nothing to distract him and he couldn’t stop thinking about calling Steve.  
  
Maybe texting him was a better idea, he’d probably freak out if he called. But what on earth should he write? He pulled his phone out of his pocket, fingers hovering over the screen for over a minute before he typed and immediately deleted the words again. Eventually, he typed _Hey, sorry that I didn’t have any time today. Natasha gave me your note so I thought I’d text you so you have my number, too. Bucky_ and hit enter before he could make up his mind again. Then he stuffed the mobile under one of the pillows on his couch and exhaled slowly.  
  
When there was no reaction for over four minutes, Bucky switched off the TV and decided to take a shower to stop obsessing over it. The hot water barely helped, though, and he came back into his small living room twenty minutes later, staring anxiously at the pillow. Eventually, he grabbed his phone from underneath it and his heart missed a beat when he saw a new message.  
  
**_Wondered if you’d even receive it since I left it with her… Glad you got it, otherwise I’d have had to break into your kitchen to personally give you my number  
  
Bucky? You there?_**  
  
_Yeah, sorry, just took a shower. What’re you up to?_ Only when he’d sent the message did Bucky realise that Steve could easily misinterpret his message and when his phone pinged with a new message – a photo – Bucky was almost scared to open it.  
  
To his relief he just found a picture of a stove with two pots and a pan on it, in them cooking something Bucky didn’t recognise but that looked delicious nonetheless.  
  
_You cook?_  
  
**_Yeah, just cause I can’t bake for shit doesn’t mean I’m a shitty cook, too. I’m actually a pretty great cook  
  
Y’know, you should come over sometime, let me cook for you, just so you can see I’m not a total loser_ _  
  
_** Bucky stared at his phone. Had Steve really just suggested he’d cook for him? Another message appeared on his screen, pulling him from his thoughts.  
  
**_In case it wasn’t obvious enough, I’m kinda trying to ask you on a date here, so if you’re not into it that’s fine but I’d really like to cook for you and maybe get to know you a little_ _  
  
_** Holy shit. Steve had actually just asked him out.  
  
**_If you don’t reply until tomorrow I’m gonna have to break into your kitchen for real and ask you face to face which would be both awkward and embarrassing, just so you know  
  
_** Bucky couldn’t help but laugh softly. Apparently Steve was as nervous about this as he was, judging by the rapid messages he sent. He knew Bucky was online and had read his texts so Bucky hurried to reply, _I’d like that  
  
_ After a moment, he added, _You cooking for me, not the breaking into my kitchen part  
  
_ He didn’t have to wait long for an answer _._  
  
__**Great. When are you free?**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've never known true fear until it's 5.30 in the morning, you've just finished a new chapter and then your programme stops working. Luckily, the new chapter wasn't deleted. Phew.  
> Anyway, I'm back, I hope all of you are alright and had nice holidays, let's continue with these hopelessly in love idiots. I just love them so who knows how long this will become...  
> Of course you're gonna get more recipes, too, now a little less Christmasy ones, though. You can find one for the nut wedges (Nussecken) here: http://www.familycookbookproject.com/recipe/2851306/nusseckengerman-nut-corners-english.html  
> They're absolutely delicious, pretty easy to make and you can get them all year here :)


	6. Chapter 6

“Don’t even think about asking,” were Bucky’s first words when Natasha came to work the next day. “I’m not gonna tell you anything.”

“So you’re already sexting, huh. Wow, Barnes, not bad for a prude like you.” She smirked and elegantly dodged the towel he threw at her.

He grumbled, “I’m not a prude. And we’re not sexting.” Grabbing the newspaper from the kitchen counter, he followed her. “Here, I think it turned out quite well.”

Natasha snatched the newspaper form his hand and skimmed the ad-page until she found Bucky’s ad. “ _Small, cosy café downtown looking for another waiter/waitress, baking skills preferred but not necessarily required. If you like working with people, are stress-resistant and interested in working in a friendly environment call…_ Really, Bucky? Could you be any more boring and mainstream?” She tsked dismissively.

“I don’t even wanna know what you would’ve written.”

“Your loss.” With a shrug, she threw the newspaper onto the nearest table and started preparing the seating area for the day. “By the way, Clint will come by later. He even offered to help out again if he gets food for free.”

Bucky rolled his eyes but smiled. “Is there anything your boyfriend wouldn’t do for food?” Since he’d started his own café, he’d pretty much only seen his friend when he came to visit Natasha. His social life had really suffered under all his responsibilities over the past year but Bucky wouldn’t trade it for anything. He was living his dream, after all. And with another employee he would hopefully get a little more free time.

For a moment, Natasha thought about his question, then answered, “Nope, I don’t think so. Now that I think of it, you might even get him to kill someone if you just offer him enough to eat.”

“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind next time you’re doing something incredibly annoying or stupid,” Bucky mumbled to himself as he grabbed the newspaper and looked for a cloth to wipe down the front of the display counter again.

“I heard that!”

“Good.”

“He’d never do that." 

“Would you bet your life on it?”

“Yup. ‘cause he knows I could kick his ass. Yours, too, and you know it. Ex-military or not.”

Bucky snorted, even though she was probably right. Natasha had a scary set of skills and he honestly didn’t want to know everything that she was capable of.

***

A couple hours later Bucky took his first break of the day and sat down on the stairs leading up to his apartment. He’d gotten himself a sandwich from a shop down the road and a slice of apple strudel he’d baked this morning – he’d have to make more since Clint had declared this to be the “best thing I’ve ever eaten, god, Bucky, this is even better than sex” (which had earned him a death glare from Natasha and led to Bucky having to physically hold her back so she wouldn’t show Clint just how serious she took the challenge right then and there).

Thankful for a couple minutes of peace and quiet he pulled his phone from his pocket and checked for any new messages – and indeed there was a text waiting for him from Steve.

**_Won’t be able to come by your café today, which treats am I missing?_ **

Sandwich in his mouth, Bucky snapped a picture of the strudel on his lap and sent it to Steve.

 ** _Looks delicious as always_** came the response not even a minute later.

_It is, Clint basically ate all of it, gotta make more after my break_

**_Who’s Clint?_ **

_Natasha’s greedy boyfriend. They almost had sex in my kitchen earlier. During opening hours._

**_You’re kidding, right?_ **

_Nope._

_I almost freaked out_

**_Oh god… Here, maybe that’ll cheer you up a bit_ **

The text was followed by a photo of a cartoonish sketch of…

_Is that supposed to be me?_

**_Yup_ **

_Love the cake I’m holding but why are there flowers in my hair and all over my apron??_

**_Why not???_ **

_Now I feel like a Disney princess_

**_That a good thing?_ **

_Not sure yet_

_Anyway, gotta go, my break’s over and I gotta make sure Clint doesn’t destroy my café or eat all my stuff. Talk to you later_

**_Too bad. Would you hold back a piece of that strudel for me till tomorrow evening? And tell Peggy I said hi if you see her_ **

_Sure thing_

Bucky pocketed the phone before taking the plate he’d used to the kitchen, still smiling about their short conversation. The sketch had been really good and Bucky wondered where Steve had learned to draw. And why he’d decided to draw him of all people. He also felt more than a little excited at the prospect of their date the next evening. Not only would he get the chance to look at Steve for an entire evening and watch him cook, he’d also get to ask him about himself and there was so much he wanted to know.

His smile disappeared immediately when Natasha practically jumped him as soon as he entered the kitchen, glaring at him. “He _kissed_ you? Why didn’t you tell me that Steve kissed you?!”

It took Bucky a moment to find his voice again. “What… How would you even know that?”

“That is so irrelevant right now, Barnes! Why didn’t you tell me?” Her voice was accusatory.

“Because it’s none of your business,” he said, hoping he sounded as firm as he meant to. Natasha could be scary as hell and right now he just wished Clint would come in and save him, but no, of course this was the only time his friend didn’t show up out of the blue. “And it was only a kiss on the cheek,” he mumbled. “Wait – did Wanda tell you?”

“Of course she did, dumbass. She watched you two. Told me how disgustingly cute you were. Now I really wanna know what you texted about. Tell me everything.”

Bucky crossed his arms. “The hell I will, I got a job to do.”

“James Buchanan Barnes! You know I’m gonna find out sooner or later anyway. You really wanna risk me finding out about every dirty little secret that your phone holds?”

“You wouldn’t da-”

“Sure I would. Now tell me. You already exchanged pics? Dirty messages?” She raised a brow.

“I sent him a photo of my apple strudel during my break.”

“You know that’s not what I meant. C’mon, spill or I’ll -”

To Bucky’s relief she didn’t get to finish her threat as Clint stumbled into the kitchen. “Nat, love, there’s some guys who think harassing a girl is the right way to get her attention. Thought you’d be more than happy to teach them a lesson.”

Natasha looked from Clint to Bucky and said, “We’re not done,” before following Clint out of the kitchen.

“Please don’t beat up my customers in my café,” Bucky called after her, “take it outside if you have to.” He ran his right hand over his face and sighed, then decided to warn Steve.

_If you get a text or call from Natasha, don’t answer it. It’s for your own good, trust me. And I’d prefer if you didn’t pick me up tomorrow, just text me your address_

**_She threatening to interrogate me?_ **

_Not yet, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d show up at your door at some point so be prepared…_

**_She’s starting to scare me_ **

_Yeah, she has that effect on people. I think she only wants what’s best for me but her methods are… unusual_

**_You don’t say_ **

**_I’ll be expecting you at 7 pm at my place tomorrow then, think you can make it?_ **

_Absolutely. Gonna make sure Nat doesn’t beat the hell out of some customers now_

**_Do I wanna know?_ **

_Probably not_

**_Alright then… Text me when you’re done with work tonight, okay?_ **

_Will do._ Bucky stuffed his phone into his pocket and walked into the café. It was times like this when he wondered why he couldn’t have any normal friends as he watched Natasha dragging two jocks almost twice her size out the front door, cursing at them while Clint watched her in awe and handed the girl they’d harassed a cookie to comfort her.

He wouldn’t have it any other way, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo... those two idiots are finally gonna have a date tomorrow. Anybody excited yet?? I sure as hell am.  
> Also, over a thousand hits already, wow! Thank you guys for reading and for all the feedback, it keeps me motivated to write every day! :D  
> As always, there's a recipe for apple strudel (we call it Apfelstrudel here) too: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/emeril-lagasse/apfelstrudel-classic-apple-strudel-recipe.html


	7. Chapter 7

Hands on her hips, Natasha stared at Bucky with a raised brow. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothin’.” Bucky sat down on the chair next to Peggy, smiling at her and hoping Natasha would leave him alone for once. As anticipated, she didn’t. 

“Sure. You’ve been completely absentminded the whole day. Is nobody answering your boring ad?”

“It’s only been out there a day, Natasha, give it some time.”

“So then what is it? Missing Steve, huh?” She smirked. “How’s the texting going?”

“Oh, you’re texting now?” Peggy cut in, looking from Bucky to Natasha and back. “About what?”

Bucky shrugged. “Dunno. Cooking and baking and stuff.”

“Stuff?” Natasha leered at him.

“Not that kind of stuff. Stop it. Peggy, how’s your niece doing? Do you think she might know anybody who needs a job and could work here?”

“Don’t try to change the topic, James, I’m just as curious as dear Natasha. What does Steven have to say?”

Bucky smiled innocently and leaned forward, conspiratorially whispering, “That he can’t believe sweet old ladies like you are this nosy and that Natasha is scary.”

Peggy laughed and Natasha almost shoved him off his chair. Bucky still hadn’t told them about his date with Steve that evening – the reason why he was so distracted and nervous – and as far as he was concerned it would stay that way.

The time until he could close up just didn’t seem to tick away, though. Natasha was getting on his nerves with her constant questions and suggestive hints and he just couldn’t concentrate on work. He had it bad for Steve, there was no point in denying it, and it made him anxious. Even knowing that Steve might be interested in him as well didn’t make it much better, he felt like a teenager meeting his crush for prom and he couldn’t help but think of all the things that might go wrong. Hello anxiety. 

“Get your shit together, Barnes,” he mumbled to himself later that day when he noticed his hands shaking as he picked up his rolling pin. The skin of his left arm prickled. He could almost hear his former therapist’s voice telling him it was normal to react to unknown or stressful situations with uncomfortableness and tried to calm himself down with the breathing exercises he’d been taught.

“Bucky?” Natasha’s voice was soft, missing the teasing tone she’d used all day, and she gently rested a hand on his arm. “You okay?”

Taking a deep breath, Bucky turned around to face her and leaned against the counter. “Yeah, just haven’t been sleeping that well with all the stress.”

“Are you having nightmares again?” Bucky knew she was genuinely worried about him now, looking up at him and trying to read him like she always did.

He shrugged. “Not more than usual.” It wasn’t exactly a lie but he still felt bad about making her worried. “We just really need someone to help out with the customers and all or I might actually get a heart attack or something.”

“You sure that’s all? No flashbacks or any kind of triggers?”

“No, I’m fine. Nothing like that. Just stressed.” ‘And in love,’ it slipped through his mind and he swallowed at the unbidden thought. It was way too early to even think about that. “I’m thinking about leaving a bit earlier today, though, if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all. Maybe you should get a good night’s sleep for once instead of texting Steve the whole night.” She winked.

“We don’t text the whole night. And I won’t do that tonight, either,” he grumbled. No, he was just going to stare at Steve the entire evening, talk to him and hopefully make him laugh and get to know him and enjoy whatever he’d cook for him. But that wasn’t for Natasha to know.

“Yeah, whatever. Just make sure to take care of yourself once in a while, okay? And stuffing your face with junk food and watching Netflix all day over Christmas break doesn’t count.”

He gave a mock salute and grinned at her. “Yes ma’am. You gonna let me continue baking now?”

***

After leaving his café half an hour early, taking a quick shower and changing his outfit four times, eventually settling with dark jeans and a black Henley and his hair in a loose ponytail, Bucky wrapped up another strudel he’d made this morning and opened his door. He listened for a moment until he was pretty sure Natasha had gone by now – only pretty sure because that woman had a tendency to move quieter than a ghost and you never knew if she wasn’t secretly following you. But it was a risk he’d have to take. Grabbing his worn leather jacket, he locked the door behind him.

He had decided to walk to Steve’s apartment earlier when he’d realised it wasn’t much more than a twenty minute walk and the evening wasn’t particularly cold. Plus walking had always managed to calm his nerves a little and that was exactly what he needed. 

Once he arrived at the address Steve had texted him Bucky realised he didn’t even know Steve’s last name. The apartment building had several units, none of the names familiar, and Bucky was forced to dial Steve’s number.

“Please don’t tell me you won’t come,” Steve said instead of a greeting. 

“Uh, no, I’m actually already here, just… would you let me in? I don’t know where to ring.”

He could hear something rustling in the background, then Steve’s voice again. “Oh, shit, you’re right. Sorry. Hold on a sec.”

In the next moment, the door buzzed and Bucky pushed it open.

“Fifth floor,” Steve said, “on the left.”

“Got it. Uh, I’m gonna hang up now.” God, this was awkward. He could hear Steve chuckle, then the line went dead. 

Maybe taking the stairs up to the fifth floor wasn’t such a good idea, Bucky thought to himself as he caught his breath in front of Steve’s door. He didn’t even have to knock before the door swung open, revealing a smiling Steve, wearing a stained apron with flowers on it, not unlike the one from his drawing. “Hey!”

“That explains a lot,” Bucky said with a pointed look at Steve’s apron, still trying to get his breathing under control. He was so out of shape.

Steve looked down at himself and his face flushed a soft pink as he struggled to untie the apron. “Um, yeah, you were not supposed to see that, I forgot to take it off. Can you pretend you never saw that?”

“Saw what?” Bucky grinned and followed Steve into the apartment – no, not an apartment, he immediately had to correct himself. A studio. “Whoa, you – Is this your art?” He couldn’t help but stare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is rather short and the actual date will have to wait till the next one, I'm just incredibly tired today and couldn't write any more.   
> I hope you enjoy it nonetheless :)


	8. Chapter 8

“Uh, yes, most of it’s mine.” Steve smiled self-consciously, finally managing to untie the apron and throwing it somewhere behind him and out of sight. Bucky couldn’t care any less about the apron, though, he was busy trying not to gape with his mouth open. The studio had an open layout and the walls of the huge room in front of him were covered with paintings, sketches and photographs, yet it still looked classy and intentional despite the sheer amount of artwork.

“This is…” He couldn’t quite find the right words.

“Nerdy as hell?” Steve supplied with a grin, rubbing the back of his neck.

Bucky laughed softly. “I was gonna say incredible but yeah, that, too. Wow. Your work is amazing. Mind if I take a look around?”

“Not at all. Just one question first: beer or wine?”

“Beer, definitely. Uh, where should I put this?” He held up the wrapped up apple strudel.

“I’ll take it.” Strudel in hand, Steve rounded a corner and when Bucky moved further into the room he could see into the open kitchen. Only then did he notice the heavenly smell.

“You gonna tell me what you cooked?” Bucky asked, trying to catch a glimpse but Steve planted himself in front of him.

“Nope, you’ll have to wait. But it’s almost ready.” He handed Bucky a beer. “Can I take your jacket?”

“Um, sure. Thank you.” Taking off his leather jacket, Bucky caught Steve watching him and he ran a hand through his hair as he handed his jacket over. When Steve walked to the small wardrobe near the door, Bucky’s eyes followed him. As always, Steve was wearing a shirt that was about two sizes too small (not that Bucky would ever complain), tonight in a light grey, and a pair of jeans sitting low on his hips. Even if this went horribly wrong he would at least be able to look back to the pleasure of looking at Steve.

God, he felt like a creep.

Before Steve could notice him staring Bucky turned and walked over to the nearest wall, taking a closer look at the paintings and nursing his beer. “So, is this what you do for a living? You paint?”

“Yup. And if it doesn’t pay the rent I work as a freelance illustrator,” Steve answered as he headed back into the kitchen area and opened a cupboard.

Stopping in front of a colourful canvas, Bucky stated, “Not that I’m an expert or anything, but those are really good.”

“Thanks.” Bucky could practically hear the smile in Steve’s voice.

He turned to look at him. “Do you have a favourite piece?”

Steve looked up from the table he was setting and shrugged sheepishly. “Yeah, I guess. Mind if I show you after we eat? Dinner’s ready and I don’t know about you but I’m hungry.”

“Sounds like a plan. You’re not gonna blindfold me and make me guess what it is, though, are ya?” Way to make it weird, he thought and cursed himself. The nervousness still hadn’t faded and he could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d been on a date, it must have been before he’d joined the army, and it wasn’t helping with his anxiety in the least.

To his relief, Steve just smiled a little, shook his head and opened the oven. “Nah, I’m surprised you haven’t recognised the smell yet. I went with something simple. Didn’t know what exactly you like so I thought this might be a good choice.” He pulled something out of the oven and carried it over to the table.

Bucky walked over to join him and his mouth watered when he saw the oven dish. “You made lasagne?”

“Yes, I hope you like lasagne.” Gentleman that he was, Steve pulled out Bucky’s chair before he even had the chance and Bucky took a seat.

“Uh, thank you.” God, he felt like a dame in the 40’s. Calm down, he told himself, this is just eating and talking and nothing more. You like him and obviously he has to like you, too, or he wouldn’t have invited you. It’s fine. Just don’t get a panic attack.

“Would you like another beer?” Steve asked.

“Huh?” Glancing down at his bottle, Bucky realised he’d already emptied it without even noticing. “Oh, yeah, that’d be nice.”

Steve went to grab two more bottles from the fridge, switching on the stereo on his way back and smiling at Bucky. “Hope this is okay.”

Bucky nodded as soft piano music filled the room. Now all that’s missing is candles to make this super romantic, his mind supplied unhelpfully. He took the bottle Steve offered him and watched him cut the lasagne and place some of it on Bucky’s plate.

“This smells amazing,” Bucky said. “Did you make that all by yourself?”

With a shrug, Steve piled some of the lasagne onto his own plate and sat down. “Sure. I told you I’m a great cook. Lasagne isn’t particularly hard but I enjoy making the lasagne sheets.”

“You made that, too? That’s cool.”

“Save it for when you’ve actually tried it.” Steve grinned. “I really hope you like it.”

“If it tastes even half as good as it looks I’ll love it,” Bucky reassured him and took a bite. He’d deny the downright filthy moan that escaped him at the taste and quickly shoved another fork full of food into his mouth, trying desperately to will down the blush spreading over his cheeks.

Steve laughed, his head thrown back and his right hand on his chest. “I take it you like it.”

“Are you kidding, this is the best thing I’ve eaten in months.”

“Aw, c’mon, your pastries aren’t that bad, either.” Steve nudged Bucky’s foot under the table to emphasise his point. “In fact, I think I’ve gained like five pounds since I found your café.”

“Yeah, but I make ‘em so it doesn’t count. And you still look great.” Bucky smiled shyly and told his heart to fucking stop pounding like it was going to explode. One of these days, he’d really get a heart attack, be it from stress or because of Steve.

“So do you if you don’t mind me saying.”

Bucky blushed even harder and stared at his lasagne, not sure what to say.

Sensing his hesitation, Steve changed the topic. “Tell me something about you. Other than you have a café that you spend practically every minute of your life in except for when you sleep. At least if Peggy can be trusted.”

“She’s not wrong I suppose… Haven’t had much free time since I opened it about a year ago. Before that, I was in the army.”

“Oh. Should’ve figured that out myself, I guess.”

Bucky looked up in surprise. “Why?”

“Well, you still wear your dog tags and don’t really look the type to be wearin’ them as a fashion statement.”

“True.”

“So, you basically retired from the army?” Steve asked after a few moments of slightly uncomfortable silence and concentration on their food.

Shrugging, Bucky shoved the last bite in his mouth. “More or less, yeah.” He really didn’t want to talk about it. “How long’ve you been painting?”

“Since I was a kid. You want some more lasagne?” When Bucky nodded vehemently, Steve got up to fill their plates again. “I was a sickly kid and wasn’t really allowed to go outside and play with the other kids so I started drawing, then painting. And I never stopped. I love creating new things and seeing people’s responses to what I do.”

“I get that, trust me. It’s probably kinda different than baking but still, you make something for people to enjoy.”

Steve smiled. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

Slowly, Bucky started to relax as they finished the lasagne and moved on to the apple strudel Bucky had brought (this time, it was Steve who moaned and Bucky wasn’t sure if he was making fun of him for earlier but damn, he’d love to hear that sound again) and talked about anything and everything.

Steve was an interesting person with strong opinions and eventually they moved to the spacious couch as they continued their conversation, discussion everything from art to social justice to music. Bucky completely lost track of time and only when Steve had to stifle a yawn did he realise how tired he was as well. He glanced at the clock in Steve’s kitchen.

“Aw shit. I’m sorry, I think I should go home, gotta get up in like five hours,” he said regretfully.

“Oh fuck, I didn’t even think of that.” Steve got up and stretched his back, then reached his hand out to help Bucky up. “Y’know, if you think you can spare five more minutes I’ll show you my favourite piece.”

Bucky had almost forgotten about that. Especially with Steve’s hand still holding his own. “Sure, I’d love to see it.”

“Great. C’mon.” And then Steve was pulling him down a small hallway and into a room that had to be his bedroom.

“If you wanted to get me into your bed you could’ve just said so,” Bucky joked before immediately biting his lip. Even though they’d flirted the entire evening he cursed himself for being this forward.

“I swear that’s not why I brought you here. I mean, uh, not that I wouldn’t want…” Steve stammered and Bucky couldn’t help but think how adorable it was. “Um… th-the painting. Here. This one’s my favourite.” He gestured at a huge painting adoring the wall over his bed.

It was held in soft blues, greys and whites that highlighted and accentuated the shadowy figures drawn in fine black lines, half naked bodies and small groups of people overlapping.

“It started out as a study of some of Bernini’s sculptures when I was on a trip through Europe but somehow this idea got stuck in my mind and when I was back home I started this based on my sketches. See, on the right are Apollo and Daphne who’s turning into a tree, over there’s the Faun teased by children, then there’s Neptune and Triton on the left, that’s the Rape of Persephone and in the middle is David which is my absolute favourite piece of his. I know it’s pretty sketchy but it was just so inspirational seeing all those sculptures and I couldn’t help but draw them again and again. I have an entire sketchbook full of drawings of them. Sorry, I’m rambling again.” He looked a little embarrassed.

“No, don’t be, this is really cool, seriously,” Bucky reassured him. “Just… Why don’t any of them barely have any clothes on?”

“Good question. It’s kinda typical for Renaissance and Baroque art, especially sculptures, I guess. But just look at how aesthetic this is! Have you ever seen Bernini’s David?”

Bucky shook his head and was promptly pulled back into the living room where Steve grabbed his tablet, tapped on the screen a few times and then showed Bucky a photo of a marble sculpture. “See how intense this is? The posture and his facial expression, and that body…” Steve basically raved.

“Yeah, no, I think I get it,” Bucky said, taking a closer look at the photo. “And he’s kinda hot.”

Steve laughed again, that full body laugh Bucky started to love, and leaned into Bucky. “Yeah, he is.”

For a moment, Bucky forgot to breathe, and when Steve looked up, eyes soft and smile still on his face, only inches form his own, he leaned forward without even thinking about it and pressed his lips against Steve’s. It felt like one of the bravest things he’d done in his life and then Steve’s hands were on his face and he kissed him back and fuck, it felt like heaven. Steve’s lips were soft against his own, quickly going from chaste to demanding kisses and somehow Bucky suddenly found himself in Steve’s lap, his hands tangled in Steve’s blond hair and Steve’s tongue licking at his lips, silently asking for permission.

And of course that was the exact moment Bucky’s phone had to start buzzing with several messages.

“Just ignore it,” Steve mumbled against Bucky’s lips and slid his hands down to grab his hips.

“What if it’s important?” Bucky panted and pulled his phone from his pocket.

**_I knew it!_ **

**_Damn, sexy Steve has game_ **

**_Jeez, did he really just pull your hair?_ **

**_Okay, Barnes, time for you to leave or you’re not gonna make it home and you and I both know how pissy you’ll be tomorrow if you don’t get any sleep, even if you get laid_ **

Bucky stared at his phone, then towards the dark windows with a mixture of panic and fury. “I’m gonna kill Natasha,” he growled before he was pulled back into another kiss by Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Their first date, finally!! It's super cheesy and fluffy and Steve rambling is basically me because Steve's as big an art nerd as I am in this fic. But yay! We made it! And they kissed! And Bucky didn't freak out!! I really hope you guys like it!!!


	9. Chapter 9

That night, Bucky couldn’t fall asleep for another two hours. He had ignored all of Natasha’s texts and would somehow deal with her in the morning – he wasn’t sure he wanted to know how the hell she had even known about his date, much less that they’d ended up making out like teenagers on Steve’s couch before Bucky had insisted he really needed to leave now, albeit reluctantly. Their kisses and the way Steve’s hands had pulled him closer and ran over his back and sides and tangled in his hair wouldn’t stop replaying in his mind and he had grabbed his phone several times, wanting to text Steve but not knowing what to say.

Before Bucky had finally left, Steve had placed the sweetest kiss on his lips and wished him a good night with that stupidly beautiful smile of his. “We gotta do that again,” he’d mumbled against Bucky’s lips as he finally released his grip on the back of Bucky’s neck. 

Bucky wasn’t sure if he meant the kissing or the date but either was fine so he had just nodded and taken a deep breath, then smiled. “G’night,” he’d said and left. 

He couldn’t wait to see Steve again.

Eventually, Bucky had fallen asleep, without nightmares plaguing him for once. It was the first night in weeks he had a peaceful sleep, so even though he’d only gotten about two and a half hours of sleep he felt pretty good when he woke up.

Mostly, he was excited, but he also dreaded having to talk to Natasha – he was still mad at her for obviously stalking him, but he really didn’t want to hear all her comments. For once, he wanted to have something to himself without her being all over it. Obviously, that wasn’t going to happen unless he made it clear to her. Not that he thought she’d chase Steve away, not really, but he needed to figure things out on his own. He knew she tried to help in her own weird way, it was just… it had been so long since he’d dated anyone, much less had thought about getting into a serious relationship with anybody (maybe he was a bit presumptuous, but hell, he really liked Steve) and this was a big step for him so he needed her to keep her nose out of his fucking business for once.

Natasha let herself in through the front door and leaned against the door frame of the kitchen just when Bucky put four baking trays of cinnamon rolls in the oven. “Mornin’, Barnes, sleep well?” she asked, way too cheerful and a little mocking.

Bucky switched on the oven and turned around to face her with a serious look. “Nat, you need to stop this.”

“Stop what, exactly?” A small smirk appeared on her face.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. I mean it. Please just… stay out of my business, okay? I don’t even mind the mocking, not really, but I like him, and you literally stalking me – and I don’t even wanna know how you knew about last night and what happened – isn’t helping. I know you don’t mean no harm but it’d be nice if you could just stop being this… this invasive,” he said quietly after rushing out the rest before he could back down. “I don’t wanna fuck this up and I’m anxious enough as it is.”

For a few moments, Natasha just looked at him, expression unreadable, then she asked, “You really mean that, don’t you?”

“Yes. I really don’t wanna be rude or anything but -”

She rolled her eyes. “Not what you said about me, idiot, I meant that you like him.”

Bucky shrugged awkwardly. “Yeah, but you knew that already.”

“Of course I did, sweetie, but this is the first time you admitted it. Finally.” Pushing away from the doorframe, Natasha grinned at him. “So I can continue teasing you about him?”

“’s not like I can force you to stop,” Bucky grumbled. “But please stop being so intense and…”

She walked over to where he leaned against the counter. “Don’t scare him away?”

Bucky looked at her uncomfortably. “I didn’t say that.”

“That’s what you meant, though, isn’t it? Don’t worry, I’m not mad. I know how a lot of people react to me. I’ll stop. Not with the nicknames, though.” Reaching around him, she plucked some dough from the bowl on the counter and stuck it in her mouth. She chewed, then grinned. “Can I still ask how good a kisser artsy Steve is?”

“He’s… great. Really, don’t look at me like that. It was pretty amazing. He’s amazing. And I hope I get to kiss him again,” Bucky admitted softly.

“Well then I’m happy for you. I hope he knows I’m gonna kick his ass if he ever hurts you, though.”

He laughed. “I’m sure he’s aware of that.”

The quick hug Natasha gave him surprised Bucky, it was over almost as soon as it had started and she immediately left the kitchen afterwards, but Bucky knew what it meant. It was her way to say sorry and promise to give him some space. He smiled after her and went to work again.

Just before they opened, though, she stuck her head into the kitchen again. “Can I ask you one more question?”

Not even bothering to look up from the second batch of cinnamon rolls, he replied, “What is it?”

“Have you seen anybody since you joined the army?”

That made him look back at her over his shoulder. “Uh, no. Not really. I didn’t… feel like it, I suppose.” That was at least half true.

“Huh. Then he better not fuck this up.” With that, she disappeared again.

“You know I can take care of myself, right?” he called after her. He didn’t get an answer. 

***

Bucky was so busy with serving customers and baking throughout the day that he had almost forgotten about the ad he’d placed earlier that week so when the phone rang it took him a moment to catch up with the person asking if the position was still free. He was just making an appointment with them when Steve waved from outside the window and walked into the café a second later, smiling brightly.

Smiling back, Bucky pointed to the phone and mouthed ‘A moment’. “Great, I’ll see you tomorrow then.” He hung up and bit his lip nervously. “Hey.”

“Hi, how are you? Did you still get some sleep last night?” Steve asked, genuinely worried.

“Yeah, a bit. And you?”

“Me, too.” Looking around to make sure Natasha was out of earshot, Steve leaned a little closer. “I don’t know about you but really enjoyed last night and I was kinda wondering if you got any plans for New Year’s Eve. ‘cause if not, maybe you’d like to hang out again? You have a wonderful view from my apartment.”

Bucky was taken aback for a couple of seconds and shook his head in surprise. “No. I mean, yes. I mean, uh, no, I don’t really have any plans and yes, I’d like to come over again. I could cook this time.”

“Or we just cook together,” Steve suggested. “And watch some movies or something, I don’t know.”

“Movies, right.” Bucky nodded, still not quite wrapping his head around the invitation.

“Hey, if this is too forward… I don’t expect anything, okay? I’d just like to spend time with you and I thought maybe you were free, so…”

“No, no, it’s fine, I’m just, um, I didn’t really expect that. But I’d love to hang out.”

Steve grinned. “Great. Now, what do you recommend?” He went for a cinnamon roll, one of Bucky’s personal all-time favourites, and for the half hour he sat at one of the small tables he’d glance over at Bucky from time to time and smile warmly.

Bucky caught Natasha rolling her eyes at them once, but she was grinning.

Before Steve left, he swung by the counter again, waiting until no one was around. “So, pick you up on New Year’s Eve around six?”

“Sounds good.”

“Cool.” Steve smiled again, glanced around for a second and then leaned over the counter to peck Bucky’s cheek. “See ya.”

Bucky’s face was bright red as he stared after Steve.

“Somebody’s got himself an admirer, huh?” an old lady, Bucky believed her name was Angie, asked with a mischievous grin. “Got it bad, boy.”

“Yes, he does, don’t you, James?” Natasha smirked and nudged him. “Wait till Peggy hears about this.”

“I hate you,” Bucky sighed but there was no heat behind his words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again and a happy new year to all of you!!  
> I'm sorry I haven't posted this chapter earlier, I was kinda busy so we're a bit behind but hell, I need a sweet date on New Year's Eve for them. Sue me  
> Also, we have a recipe again! I personally love trying out new recipes for cinnamon rolls since I haven't found THE one for me yet so I thought I'd choose them :) You can find one here: http://addapinch.com/cinnamon-rolls-recipe/  
> I really hope you like this chapter and to be completely honest, I have no idea how much longer this fic will be because I really love writing it


	10. Chapter 10

_What should I bring for dinner?_

**_You don’t need to bring anything, I got this_ **

_I wanna, though. Or at least tell me what we’re gonna cook_

**_Nope. But if you really insist you could bring some kind of dessert_ **

_Why are you so secretive about what you’re cooking?_

**_Why don’t you just give people the recipes for your pastries?_ **

_I live from selling that stuff, you don’t_

**_Eh, details._ **

_Fine, whatever. Can I at least bring something to drink?_

**_I suppose you can do that. I’ll see you tonight_ **

Bucky smiled and made his way into his kitchen. It was a lot smaller than the one in the café but it was enough for the few times he wasn’t too exhausted to cook after work. After a look into the fridge and realising he’d have to go grocery shopping again soon he decided to make some mousse au chocolat – easy, quick, delicious and he had everything he needed for it.

While he waited for the chocolate to melt he beat the egg whites and whipped the cream, then he carefully mixed everything together in a bowl and put it into the fridge. Since he didn’t have anything else to keep his mind busy for a few more hours, he sat down on his sofa and switched on the TV but nothing really caught his attention. Eventually, he grabbed his phone again and scrolled through his contacts.

At first he thought about calling Clint but he’d surely tell Natasha or even have her listen in so instead his thumb hovered over another number for a few seconds. When he finally pressed the dial button, he leaned back and waited for the call to be answered.

The phone rang for almost a minute before a slightly breathless voice answered with a, “Hey! What’s up, loser?” In the background, he could hear a chiding voice.

“It’s so great to hear you, too,” Bucky mocked. “Was that mom?”

“Sure. She told me to be nice to my favourite brother.”

Bucky snorted. “I’m your only brother, stupid.”

“Exactly,” Rebecca said cheerfully. “So, how are things? You okay?”

“Yeah, I am. Things are still pretty busy –”

“Did you look for a new waiter or baker or whatever you wanted to do?” she interrupted him before he could even finish.

“Yeah. Still looking. I had a job interview yesterday but the guy was kinda… sleazy, I guess. Didn’t like him much so I’ll keep looking.”

“I’m sure you’ll find someone. So, why’re you calling?”

“Isn’t a guy allowed to call his sister now and then?” Bucky asked.

“Aw, c’mon, Bucky, I know you. You don’t just call to say hello when we’ve just spoken last week. What is it?”

Bucky bit his lip and stared at the muted TV. “Is mom around?”

“Why, you wanna talk to her?”

“No, it’s… I wanna talk to you in private. Without her eavesdropping.”

“Well, well. Sounds interesting. Gimme a moment.” He could hear her walking around and closing a door. “Okay, I’m in my room. Shoot.”

He needed someone to talk to who wasn’t Natasha and his sister had always been supportive. He reminded himself that he could trust her. Taking a slow breath, Bucky tried to find the right words. “There’s… there’s this guy. I met him at work, he comes by a couple times every week and he’s just…” He honestly didn’t know how to describe Steve without sounding completely sappy.

“What? Nice? Cute? Hot?”

“All of it,” Bucky admitted. “He’s really sweet and even Natasha seems to like him.”

“Oooh, wow. That’s got something to say. Tell me more.”

And so Bucky told her how he’d started by watching Steve when he came to the café, how he’d eventually been forced to talk to him and how Steve had helped him right before Christmas after bumping into him. (“He totally did that on purpose,” Rebecca insisted.) When he got to Steve giving him his number, their texts and Steve actually asking him out, she interrupted him excitedly.

“What did you say?!”

“I said yes.”

“Awww, I’m proud of you,” she teased, but she sounded genuinely happy about it. “So, how was it?”

“It was amazing, I really had a great time. And I think he…”

Sighing impatiently, Rebecca asked, “He what? Do I have to worm everything outta you?”

“I think he might like me, too,” Bucky said softly. It was the first time he said it out loud and it felt good, even if it also scared him.

“Well, he asked you out, so I’d say it’s safe to say he’s at least interested. Unless you completely fucked up your date. You didn’t do that, did you?”

“No, ‘course not. We actually ended up kissing.”

“You _what_?”

“We made out on his couch and –”

“Okay, whoa, I really don’t wanna hear any more details. Just… _You_ made out with a guy on the first date without freaking out about it? Who are you and what did you do to Bucky?”

“Very funny,” Bucky grumbled. “’s not like I’m a blushing virgin or some shit.”

“No, I know, ugh, believe me. But you haven’t let anyone touch you since... y’know.”

Bucky bit his lip and mumbled, “It’s not like we had sex right then and there.”

“Yeah, okay, whatever, I’m just surprised. I mean, you haven’t exactly been out there, be it dating or talking openly to people. Have you told him yet?”

“No.”

Rebecca was quiet for a moment, then she sighed quietly. “You know he’s probably gonna ask when this goes any further and he sees your arm eventually, right? Assuming you’re still wearing nothin’ but long sleeves and he hasn’t seen it yet.”

“Thanks for reminding me, I’d almost forgotten,” he replied sarcastically. “Now I feel so much better about tonight.”

“Tonight?”

“We’ll hang out and watch the fireworks together.”

“Hang out? Oh my god, Bucky, if he asked you out on New Year’s Eve that’s just so… He’s into you, okay? You don’t just ask people on a date on New Year’s Eve unless you’re either really desperate or totally crushing on someone. And he doesn’t sound like he’s desperate. Trust me.”

“I don’t even know what to bring, though. I mean, he said he’s not expecting anything and just likes my company but what if…”

“I can’t believe I’m asking this, but do _you_ wanna have sex with him? Tonight, I mean.”

“I’m not gonna answer that. This is worse than talking about it with Natasha.”

She seemed somewhat relieved when she replied, “Alright, fine. I really don’t wanna have that talk with you, either. How about you pack some clothes and a toothbrush and see what happens? Doesn’t hurt to be prepared. And for God’s sake, pack some condoms. Protection’s everything.”

“Who needs protection?” Bucky suddenly heard his mother in the background and his heart stopped for a moment. “Is that still James? Oh, does he have a date tonight? Or will he see his girlfriend?”

“Mom, get out! You didn’t even knock! And no, Bucky doesn’t have a girlfriend, he’s just planning to have an orgy. That’s how you celebrate New Year’s in New York, y’know,” Rebecca deadpanned.

“That’s not funny. Give him to me, would you?”

“Sorry, mom, my phone’s almost dead. I’ll tell him to call you tomorrow so he can tell you everything about his orgy.”

His mother muttered something that Bucky couldn’t understand, then he heard his sister’s voice again. “Listen, Bucky, I gotta go. Don’t stress about it, okay? It’ll be fine. Have fun and take care.”

“Thank you, I’ll try. And thanks for not telling mom.”

“Sure. But you know, one day you gotta tell her.” With that, she hung up.

Bucky ran a hand over his face and sighed. She was right, of course she was, but he was scared of telling his mother. Great. One more thing to stress about. To try and distract himself, Bucky switched off the TV and headed into his bedroom to pick out some clothes for tonight. He wanted to look good for Steve, and maybe even a little for himself.

***

When Steve came to pick him up, Bucky was nervous again, even if not as much as last time. He grabbed the backpack with his stuff – a clean shirt, some sweatpants, his toothbrush, a bottle of whiskey and the mousse (no condoms, he wasn’t that presumptuous) – and pulled his jacket on as Steve took the stairs up to his apartment. He smiled when Bucky opened the door and quickly looked him up and down, smile widening even more.

“Wow, you look great.”

Bucky smiled back. “Thank you.” He’d gone for a black dress shirt and rather tight jeans and had his hair pushed behind his ears.

“Can I take that for you?” Steve asked, nodding at the backpack.

“No, I got this, but thanks.”

On their way to Steve’s, Bucky tried to get Steve to tell him what they’d cook, but Steve insisted he’d have to wait. Again.

“But I _love_ food and I’m incredibly curious and impatient,” he complained as they took the stairs to Steve’s apartment.

“How about you give me the dessert you made, I put it away and prepare everything while you decide which movie we’re gonna watch first and then we cook so you’ll finally see what we’ll eat?” Steve suggested and let them in.

“Fine. But you better hurry up.” Bucky handed the mousse to Steve when he’d taken his jacket off. Steve’s light blue button up was ~~way too tight as always~~ hugging his figure perfectly and Bucky had to force himself to stop staring at him.

“That looks amazing,” Steve commented and it took Bucky a moment to realise he meant their dessert. “Netflix’s open, see if you can find something you like, alright?”

“What, so we can Netflix and chill later without spending half the evening trying to decide what to watch first?” Oh. Shit. That wasn’t what he’d meant to say. Bucky flushed bright red but Steve just laughed.

“Yeah, something like that.” He grinned at Bucky and disappeared around the corner.

Oh god. Had Steve really just insinuated…?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you guys like this chapter, even though their date only just started and we'll have to wait a bit to see what happens ;)  
> I couldn't find a mousse au chocolat recipe that's similar to the one I use so if anyone should be interested I'll translate mine and add it, just let me know :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler warning for Big Hero 6 in case you haven't seen it yet (but I so recommend it, honestly!), starts after the cut

“Comedy, action, thriller, or animation?” Bucky called from the living room.

“Uh… Dunno, just pick whatever you wanna watch.”

“Alright, but I don’t want to hear any complaints.” After deciding on a movie, Bucky got up from the couch and walked over to the kitchen. He’d managed to calm down from the near heart attack his stupid, stupid comment had caused him – and the wink Steve had given him in return which he still wasn’t sure hadn’t just been imagined – and decided to go for a safe option. Safe meaning no romance, no sex scene, just something he hoped was rather light and funny.

“If it sucks, I’ll just pick the next one and you’ll have to live with whatever I choose,” Steve replied with a grin. “And I’m not sure you’d like that, either.”

Bucky raised a brow, trying to stay calm as he watched Steve reach for something on a top shelf, making his shirt stretch over his back so tightly Bucky almost feared (hoped) it might rip. “How so?”

“You’ll see if your film sucks.”

“Oh come on, you can’t do that! What kind of movies do you like?” He crossed his arms.

Turning around, Steve smirked at him but Bucky could see a faint blush on his cheeks. “Not gonna tell you.”

“C’mon, Rogers, I promise I won’t laugh.”

Steve looked at Bucky and sighed in mock defeat. “They might involve musical numbers.”

“What?” Okay, that wasn’t exactly what he’d expected. “Like… I don’t know, High School Musical?”

“Nah, more like Grease, Singin’ in the Rain and My Fair Lady.”

“Oh. Okay.” Bucky honestly didn’t know what else to say.

“See? That’s why I didn’t want to tell you.” Steve shrugged, his face even more pink now, and turned to open the fridge.

“Hey, I ain’t laughing, am I?”

“No, but you’re probably thinking I’m a huge loser again.”

Bucky chuckled. “A dork, maybe, not a loser.”

“Great. Beer?”

Bucky accepted the bottle with a nod and a “Thanks. So, what’re we cookin’?”

“Lemon Chicken Piccata with roasted potatoes. Here, put this on so your clothes don’t get dirty.”

In the next moment Bucky found himself with the floral apron thrown in his face. “You serious?! I’m not wearing that.”

Steve’s puppy eyes almost made him change his mind. Almost. But he was a grown ass man, he didn’t need a ridiculous apron to keep his clothes clean.

***

“This was a great idea,” Bucky sighed and leaned back in his chair. “You really gotta give me that recipe.”

Steve was already up and putting the dishes into the sink. “Sure. So… movie?” he asked over his shoulder.

“You sure you don’t need any help with these?” Bucky asked with a bit of a bad conscience. 

“I’ll do that tomorrow, don’t worry about it. C’mon, let me see what you chose.” Without even thinking about it, Steve grabbed Bucky’s wrist and pulled him up and to the sofa.

They settled next to each other and Bucky couldn’t help but notice that even though the sofa was huge, Steve chose to sit maybe two feet away after he’d grabbed the remote. He switched on the TV, opened Netflix and raised a brow when he saw the movie Bucky had chosen. “Big Hero 6? Haven’t seen this one yet.”

“It’s great! Action, great characters, a lot of funny moments, amazing animation, Fall Out Boy soundtrack –”

“You gonna let me actually watch the movie or are you gonna tell me the entire plot first?” Steve teased. “Also, didn’t know you were into that kind of music.”

“Yeah, well, I might still be a little emo at heart,” Bucky joked back.

Steve laughed softly. “Hah, that explains the long dark hair and black clothes and long sleeves.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Bucky grinned while rolling his eyes. “So, you okay with that movie?”

“Sure. Hope it lives up to my expectation now, ‘cause damn you make it sound awesome.”

“It is, trust me.” He settled into the cushions as Steve started the movie, smiling softly to himself. 

During the movie, Bucky kept chancing glances at Steve and he could’ve sworn that he heard him sniffle when he realised that Tadashi was dead. “They can’t do that! Bucky, they can’t just kill him! I thought this was a funny movie!”

“Sorry, man, I couldn’t exactly tell you that before, could I? But it’ll be okay, I promise.”

“How?! He’s DEAD!”

Bucky nudged him and said, “Steve, shut up and watch the movie.”

Turns out, Steve ended up loving the film. He completely got into it and watched in awe as the plot developed and when Baymax and Hiro found Callaghan’s daughter in the portal and Baymax stayed behind he gasped in shock. Only when Hiro had built a second Baymax that was working and actually ‘remembered’ Hiro did the tension in his shoulders leave and he sighed as he turned to Bucky. 

“I can’t believe you chose this movie, this was an emotional rollercoaster! This was supposed to be a relaxed TV evening and now I don’t know if I should be happy or sad!”

Bucky had a hard time suppressing his grin and just asked, “Did you like it, though?”

“Are you kidding? I loved it! And now I want a robot, too. Plus, the animation really is great and it’s cute and so emotional and I –”

“‘Can’t even’?” Bucky supplied, the grin finally taking over his face.

Steve huffed. “You make me sound like a fangirl.”

“Naw, you’re doing a great job at that all by yourself.” He chuckled. “Okay, I think you could use some dessert right about now.”

“Oh yes, please.”

Nope, Bucky was totally not imagining Steve’s eyes roaming over his body as he got up. Jesus, this guy did things to him he hadn’t felt in a long time. He swallowed and tried to play it cool. “Um, I’m just gonna… grab the mousse, you got small bowls to put it in?”

“Yeah, lemme get them.” Steve followed him into the kitchen area and Bucky could feel his eyes on him as he got his bowl from the fridge. 

“Oh, I also brought a bottle of whis-” Bucky started as he turned to face Steve but cut himself off when he found himself mere inches from Steve who had been rummaging through a cupboard next to him and was now smiling at him. “Uh, hi.” Smooth, Barnes, real smooth. God dammit.

“Hey,” Steve said, not moving away a single centimetre. For a moment, Bucky though Steve might kiss him again but Steve just smiled as he stared into his eyes.

“The, uh, the whiskey’s in my backpack. I didn’t know if you even like it but I could get it and…” He trailed off. It was hard to think with Steve this close. 

“Sounds great.” Finally, Steve took a step back and let Bucky pass him after taking the mousse from him.

When Bucky had gotten the bottle and Steve had gathered their dessert bowls and some glasses they settled back on the couch, sipping whiskey and eating the chocolate mousse while Steve couldn’t stop talking about how much he’d loved the movie’s animation. Eventually, they switched on the TV but barely paid any attention to it as they chatted and drank and Bucky got calmer and more relaxed, slowly sprawling out over the sofa.

Their conversation was light, a little teasing, a bit flirty (when Bucky finally let himself go enough to get a little more self-confident, or maybe that was just the whiskey, he didn’t know for sure), and Bucky caught Steve several times staring a little too hard, letting his hand linger on his arm or knee or shoulder a few seconds too long, but neither of them made the first move.

He hadn’t even realized how much time had passed when a sudden loud crack almost made him jump out of his skin. “Holy f- Is it already midnight?”

Steve immediately jumped up with a huge smile and a sparkle in his eyes as more cracks followed and the sky erupted in sparks of light. “Looks like it. C’mon, I wanna see the fireworks!” Reaching down for Bucky, he almost spilled his whiskey as he pulled Bucky up far too eagerly. Bucky stumbled, partly from Steve pulling him and partly from the alcohol making him somewhat dizzy, and bumped into Steve who didn’t seem to mind at all. Instead, he wrapped an arm around Bucky and hugged him even closer. “Happy New Year!”

Who could blame Bucky that he held on to Steve a little too long and leaned against him as he replied, “Happy New Year, Steve”?

“You’re not gonna fall asleep now, are you?” Steve mocked and started walking backwards towards the balcony, pulling Bucky with him like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“No, but you’re comfy…” Bucky mumbled. That might just be the alcohol talking, but damn him, Steve really was comfy.

“Alright, c’mon, you’re gonna miss it.” He opened the glass door and guided Bucky into the cold night, staring at the colourfully lit sky.

Reluctantly, Bucky let go and looked up at the sparks of gold, blue, green, red, and silver exploding all around them. He stared in awe, barely noticing that Steve quickly headed back inside only to return a moment later, refilling Bucky’s glass and throwing a soft blanket over his shoulders.

“Didn’t want you to get cold,” he said and pulled half of the blanket over his own back the next moment, leaning against Bucky. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Mhm.” Bucky took another sip, watching Steve from the corner of his eye.

“Tell me if I’m goin’ too fast or something, but I really wanna kiss you right now,” Steve mumbled right next to Bucky’s ear and Bucky’s heart fluttered.

“Thought you wanted to see the fireworks,” he replied, trying to seem nonchalant.

“I can think of a lot of things that are more interesting right now.” Cupping Bucky’s cheek, Steve gently pulled his face closer and leaned down a little to close the distance. He stopped mere millimetres from Bucky’s lips, leaving him enough time to pull away, but Bucky just closed his eyes and leaned forward for a soft kiss. 

Steve tasted like alcohol and chocolate and he was warm against Bucky’s front when he fully turned to him and wrapped an arm around Bucky’s back. Bucky’s free hand found Steve’s hip and he held on to him as the fireworks exploded above their heads, completely forgotten as they deepened the kiss and Steve pulled the blanket more tightly around them.

“I’ve wanted to… do this… all night,” he mumbled in between kisses before moving on to nip on Bucky’s jaw and down the side of his throat. 

Bucky bit his lip and closed his eyes, curling his hand in the back of Steve’s shirt. He wasn’t sure if was Steve’s lips on his skin or the alcohol but his head felt so light and he sighed quietly when Steve placed several kisses on his neck after sucking lightly on it. Fuck, he honestly couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this good, and then Steve’s lips were back on his own and Steve’s tongue licked into Bucky’s mouth and Bucky moaned softly.

“Hey, Rogers, keep it PG-13, would ya? I’m not drunk enough to watch you fuck your date on your balcony,” a voice suddenly yelled at them.

Taking a startled step back, Bucky looked around. It took him a second to find the source of that voice, a guy with dark hair and a perfectly groomed beard leaning on the railing of the balcony right next to Steve’s.

“Fuck off, Tony,” Steve called back and grabbed Bucky again, pulling him into a deep kiss that made Bucky groan involuntarily.

“Rogers, I’m warning you! Either you take this inside or I’m joining you.”

“Just ignore him,” Steve whispered, then, “Ow!” He swirled around and glared at Tony. “Did you just throw something at me?!”

“I told you to take this inside. Pepper isn’t here and it’s really not fair that you’re getting some ass and I‘m not and I really don’t wanna have to listen to you while watching the fireworks.”

Bucky had a hard time keeping a straight face. “C’mon,” he chuckled and grabbed Steve’s hand, pulling him towards the door and almost stumbling over his own feet as Steve flipped his neighbour off with a smirk.

As soon as they had closed the glass door behind them, Steve manoeuvred Bucky back to his couch, taking the whiskey glass from him and carelessly setting it down on the coffee table. Then he pushed Bucky down onto the sofa, straddled him and leaned down to push his tongue back into Bucky’s mouth, making the softest sound in the back of his throat. Bucky buried his hand in Steve’s hair, wrapped his other arm around his lower back and pulled him closer, gasping at the sudden friction between them.

He couldn’t think straight anymore, couldn’t concentrate on anything but the feeling of Steve on top of him, kissing him feverishly. The world was blurry, almost non-existent around them, and Bucky actually fucking whined when Steve slid his hands under his shirt. It had been so long since anyone had touched him like this, he thought as Steve’s fingers danced over his skin and his lips placed kisses along his collarbone.

It was his last thought before the world went black.

Leave it to James Buchanan Barnes to cockblock himself while making out with someone for the first time in years by passing out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all: I decided to change the rating to mature now for obvious reasons, I suppose. Second: I'm sorry that this just keeps happening and Bucky isn't getting any (well, at least I'm a little bit sorry). Also, I'm kinda drunk, so I will not be held responsible for this being a bit more crack than intended. I really hope you enjoyed this chapter anyway :)  
> And now the most important thing: I will probably not be able to keep up posting a new chapter every day or two because I have to get my shit together and work on my bachelor thesis again which unfortunately does not involve anything Marvel related. But it's also about fucking time I go on with that, I'll try posting twice a week though


	12. Chapter 12

Bucky groaned quietly and shifted onto his back, throwing an arm over his eyes to block out the light. He wasn’t sure where he was, didn’t know why his head hurt like hell and couldn’t place the sounds that had woken him. It took him almost a full minute to realise he wasn’t alone, that someone was rummaging around and humming quietly, and he froze. Now that he thought about it, this definitely wasn’t his bed. Or his apartment. And why could he smell food?

Carefully, he opened one eye and peeked at his surroundings. The bright room was vaguely familiar, and… Oh. Fuck. “No no no no no… Shit…” he cursed in a whisper as the memories came crashing back. Oh no.

“Oh, good, you’re awake,” Steve’s voice, all soft and smiles, pulled him from his thoughts. “Mornin’, sunshine.”

Bucky grumbled something unintelligible and buried his face in his hands, completely embarrassed.

“Come again?”

“Kill me,” he growled, the words muffled.

Steve chuckled and Bucky could hear footsteps approaching. “Hangover that bad, huh?” The couch dipped next to Bucky but he didn’t look up.

“No. Yes. God, please tell me I didn’t do anything stupid or embarrassing that I can’t remember.”

“Well, depends on what you consider stupid and embarrassing. You did try to convince me that Stan Lee managed to literally get into that animated universe, actually lives in San Fransokyo and that Fred is his real child. How high up on your scale would that be?”

“Definitely not as high up as passing out while we’re making out,” Bucky mumbled and turned to hide his face in the pillow. “’m so sorry.”

“Hey, it happens. I’m kinda surprised you even remember that,” Steve said light-heartedly and put a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, trying to gently roll him back on his side so he’d look at Steve. Eventually, Bucky complied and squinted up at him.

“Oh, really? That wasn’t the first time that someone fell asleep while you had your hands on ‘em and were kissing ‘em?” Bucky asked sarcastically.

Steve just grinned and shrugged. “I’m sure you’re not the only person that that’s ever happened to. You should’ve told me that you’re a lightweight when it comes to alcohol, though, then I would’ve taken better care of you. Here, drink this.” He handed him a glass of water and held up a packet of painkillers. “Need some?”

Accepting the glass, Bucky drank half of it in one gulp. “I’m not a lightweight, I just haven’t had much time to drink in the past couple months. Don’t exactly have much free time.” He took two Aspirin and swallowed them down with the rest of the water and sighed. “Thank you. And I’m really so sorry about the falling asleep part, ‘s not like you were boring or anything. I just had too much alcohol and I get sleepy when I drink.”

That made Steve laugh. “Well, I’m glad I wasn’t boring you. Could‘ve fooled me for a second when you immediately started snoring. Think you can handle waffles?”

Bucky gaped at him in shock. “Oh god, I didn’t really do that, did I?”

A mischievous grin spread over Steve’s face as he got up. “Nah, it wasn’t that bad, I just wanted to see your face. But you were out in a second.”

“Can we please talk about something else?”

“Fine. Waffles?”

With a nod, Bucky grabbed the hand Steve was holding out and let him pull him up. “You got coffee, too?”

“Yup, over there. You know what’s good, though? At least Tony’s not gonna whine about us being too loud last night. Like he’s the one to talk, but y’know.” And Steve fucking winked at him as he pulled him over to the breakfast bar.

Bucky’s face flushed bright red and he mumbled, “I won’t be able to live this down, will I?” Taking the coffee pot, he tried to hide his blushing face behind his hair as he poured first Steve and then himself a cup.

“I could think of a way for you to make it up to me,” Steve replied with a smirk.

This guy was going to be the death of him, Bucky was sure. If possible, his face grew even hotter. Steve was so sweet and hot and more than a little flirty… And then there was Bucky, who had barely flirted with anybody for the past seven years or so. Being gay in the military wasn’t exactly something you wanted anybody to find out, and afterwards… he just didn’t feel like it. And no one had quite caught his eye like Steve had.

Bucky swallowed when he realised he’d spaced out for a little too long and stammered, “Uh, yeah, um, like what? I mean, how?”

Steve leaned in and stopped a few inches short of Bucky’s ear, whispering, “Well, I wouldn’t say no to some more of your… cookies. I know Christmas is over but those were all amazing.” 

God dammit, Rogers, you’re a fucking tease, Bucky thought and took a deep breath. 

With a tiny grin Steve turned to the kitchen counter to open the oven where a stack of waffles were being kept warm, placed two steaming waffles on a plate and handed it over to Bucky. “You want Nutella with that?”

“Yes, please…” He sat down on one of the bar stools and took a bite from the waffle. “These are great,” he said, almost surprised.

“I can make breakfast, too. As long as it doesn’t involve actual baking I am able to feed myself, y’know.” Steve grinned. “You really have to eat my pancakes sometime, they’re great.”

“Mhm,” Bucky muttered and took a sip of his coffee before gathering all his courage. It was about time he made a move, hell, only a couple hours earlier he had moaned into Steve’s mouth as they kissed. He liked him. Really liked him. So flirting with Steve really shouldn’t be a big deal. “You saying you wanna make me breakfast again?” he eventually asked quietly, cursing himself for sounding just as insecure as he felt.

“I wouldn’t be opposed to it,” Steve smiled over the rim of his coffee mug. “So, I don’t know if you have any plans for today but if you like you could hang around a bit longer.”

“And what, watch musical comedies?” Bucky quipped.

Steve sighed dramatically. “I knew I shouldn’t’ve told you!”

“That’s for teasing me about falling asleep.”

“Fair enough.” 

For a while, they sat in comfortable silence, eating waffles, enjoying the sunlight falling through the huge windows and painting patterns on the floor and the artwork on the walls and occasionally smiling at each other. It was so… so domestic, Bucky thought to himself, and he couldn’t deny how much he liked it. 

And even though he still was incredibly embarrassed about just dozing off with Steve literally on top of him and kissing him, Bucky secretly was a little relieved, too. Don’t get him wrong, he couldn’t get enough of Steve’s lips on his own or pressing kisses against his neck and he enjoyed being physically close to someone again, enjoyed Steve’s arms pulling him against his body and his fingers in his hair or ghosting over his stomach, but the thought of Steve undressing him, seeing him with all his flaws up close and everything else that might follow scared him. He didn’t doubt that Steve would immediately stop if Bucky told him to but he was scared of being this vulnerable again. Of having to explain himself.

“How about this – we watch a movie or just listen to music or talk and I’ll see if I can find some cookies or chips or something?” Steve eventually broke the silence.

Bucky snorted. “We’re literally eating right now and you’re already thinking about food again?!”

“There’s something you need to know about me: I always think about food. That’s why I came to your café in the first place, I was so hungry I thought I might pass out and then I saw that pretty, vintage sign above your store and it was like a glass of water in the middle of the desert.”

“You’re an idiot. There’s a sandwich shop no twenty yards down the road.”

“Yeah, but I wanted something sweet. So, you in? Or do you have anything else to do?”

“Nope. I’m in, but I really don’t need any more food at the moment. Rather another painkiller, to be honest.”

“You can take a shower if you want, maybe that helps.”

Bucky thought about it for a moment, then nodded. Anything that might help rid him of his hangover was worth a try, honestly, even showering at Steve’s with just a door between them.

“Alright, I’ll get you some clean clothes,” Steve said and got up.

“I actually, uh…” But Bucky cut himself off before he could tell Steve that he’s actually brought a change of clothes. He wouldn’t say no to wearing Steve’s clothes. So? Sue him.

***

Twenty minutes – and a shower that had lessened his headache and soothed his sore muscles a little – later Bucky emerged from Steve’s bathroom, a towel around his shoulders and rubbing his still damp hair, dressed in a pair of Steve’s sweatpants and a soft, well-worn hoodie. 

“Feeling better?” 

“Definitely. Thanks for all of this.”

Steve smiled. “No problem. Although, you taking a shower gave me time to pick a movie so you’ll have to endure that now.”

Bucky shrugged and slumped down on the sofa next to Steve. “I think I’ll survive. What’d you pick?”

“Burlesque. Sam said Cam Gigandet has a nude scene in it and a pretty cute ass. Plus a lot of singing and hello, Christina Aguilera, Kristen Bell, and Cher – what more could you want?”

“Let me guess, you probably even like the Footloose remake,” Bucky mocked. 

Steve looked honestly offended and shot back, “Are you kidding? That was horrible!”

“God, you’re such a weirdo.”

“And you’re a jerk.”

“Punk. Gonna start the movie now or what?” The bickering almost felt natural and Bucky made himself comfortable as the film started playing. It wouldn’t exactly have been his first choice but Steve seemed to enjoy it and he hummed along to some of the famous songs, bobbing his foot in time with the music.

“Steve?” Bucky whispered about halfway through the movie.

“Hm?”

“You know it’s totally obvious how this is gonna end, right?”

“No it’s not.”

“Of course it is, she’s gonna –”

Grabbing a pillow and nudging Bucky with it, Steve said, “No, I don’t wanna hear it, shh!”

Bucky got a hold of the pillow and threw it at Steve’s head. “Y’know, I can think of a lot of things that are more interesting right now,” he teased by repeating Steve’s words from the night before.

Steve finally turned to look at him, that mischievous little smile back on his face. “Oh really? Well, you better have a damn good proposal, or I’m gonna keep watching this. And no, a pillow fight isn’t good enough.”

When Bucky licked his lips unconsciously, mentally debating whether or not to lean in, he noticed Steve’s eyes flicker down to his mouth. Without hesitating another second, Steve scooted closer and pulled Bucky into a kiss. Bucky closed his eyes and cupped Steve’s face with his hands, breaking the kiss long enough to murmur, “I’m not gonna fall asleep again, promise” and making Steve huff a laugh against his lips.

Unlike the previous night, their kisses were softer, slower, not as demanding and feverish, but still deep. When Steve pulled Bucky onto his lap half an hour later and slid his hands under Bucky’s shirt, teasing his fingertips over the warm skin of Bucky’s lower back, Bucky panted and mumbled, “Just… let’s take this slow, kay?”

To his relief, Steve immediately seemed to understand and nodded softly before reclaiming Bucky’s mouth in a deep kiss. Who cared that they spent almost the entire day on Steve’s sofa, kissing and roaming their hands over each other’s arms and backs and tangling fingers in each other’s hair? Certainly not Bucky, and when it had gotten dark outside again he didn’t want to leave and head back home but tomorrow was a work day and he needed to get up early.

Steve saw him to the door and this time it was Bucky who pressed a chaste kiss to Steve’s lips before he said goodbye and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess which loser went to uni today, wrote literally only two sentences for their thesis before giving up and ended up writing fanfic instead? (hint: it's me. I'm an idiot.)  
> Aaaaanyway, this leaves you with another chapter and a (hopefully?) more satisfying and defintely less awkward ending than the last one.  
> I really hope you guys like it, and as always I am thrilled to hear from you so thanks for all the kudos and comments so far!! :)


	13. Chapter 13

“Tell. Me. Everything.”

“There’s not much to tell,” Bucky claimed as he cuddled under a blanket on his sofa.

His sister snorted and Bucky could practically hear her rolling her eyes. “Bullshit. You didn’t reply to any of my texts, in fact I’m sure you didn’t even check your phone all day, meaning you were still at his place. So? Tell me.”

“We cooked, watched a movie, drank, watched the fireworks, I slept on his couch and we watched another movie today.”

“Yeah, right. That’s the version you could tell mom. What did really happen?”

“I just told you,” Bucky insisted stubbornly. He really didn’t want to tell her how much he’d embarrassed himself; Steve would probably not let him live that down and Rebecca would certainly make fun of him for the rest of his life.

“As if. Hey, you got any photos of him?”

“Do you really think I’m the kinda person who secretly takes photos of a guy he finds attractive?”

“No, dumbass, but you have his WhatsApp. Doesn’t he have a picture there?”

Oh. Right. “Why do you want one anyway?” he asked warily.

“’cause I wanna know if he really is as hot as you say. C’mon, send it to me. Pleeease, Bucky?”

“You’re a stalker.”

“You still love me. Pretty pretty please?”

Bucky hesitated for a moment, then sighed and muttered, “Hold on a sec. You better not show this to anyone, though.”

“What, you scared my girlfriends might try to steal your boyfriend?”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” he grumbled as he tapped his screen several times to open up Steve’s photo, thumb hovering over the send button.

“But you want him to be.” It was more of a statement than a question.

“I don’t know, Rebecca. I mean he’s great but…”

“…you still got your own stuff to figure out first? Bucky, it’s been years. Steve sounds nice.”

With a sigh, Bucky replied, “Yeah, he is.”

“You like him, don’t you?”

“Yes…”

Rebecca ignored the hesitance in his voice. “Good. And you like talking to him?”

“Mhm.”

“You enjoy spending time with him?”

Bucky pressed send, hoping the photo would get her off his back for a bit. “Yeah.”

“You think he’s hot and pretty and cute? You got a crush on him?”

Rolling his eyes, Bucky mumbled, “I guess. Maybe.” He could faintly hear her phone pinging as she received the picture.

“You like the way he kisses and touches you?”

“Ye- Um, I mean, we haven’t –”

“Ha! I knew it! I knew there was something you didn’t tell me! How far did it go? Was it good? What’s he like? Did you ha-”

Before she could fire any more questions, Bucky cut in, “Whoa, hey! Okay, first of all, that definitely is none of your business, secondly, I don’t kiss and tell, and thirdly, I definitely don’t want to talk about that with my sister. And didn’t you want to see his photo? Should’ve gotten it by now.”

“You really think you’re gonna get away with this that easily?” Of course she wouldn’t let it go. “But yeah, I got it, hold on a sec.”

The line went quiet as Rebecca opened the picture. Bucky waited for her to say something, anything, really, but the silence stretched on for at least fifty seconds.

“You still there?” he asked eventually.

“Hm? Yeah.”

Something in her voice unsettled him a little and he immediately regretted sending her Steve’s photo. Somehow, it made him even more insecure that she just didn’t react at all.

“Rikki? Talk to me. What is it?”

“Does he have a brother by any chance?”

“What? No, he’s an only child. Why?”

“He’s fucking gorgeous, that’s why.” He could hear her sigh impatiently through the phone but then her tone went soft. “Bucky, just for once, listen to me, okay? Give it a chance. If he’s only half as sweet and nice as you say you go ahead and get him. You deserve something good in your life, you hear me? And he honestly seems great.”

“You just want something pretty to look at when you come visit me,” Bucky quipped but he couldn’t help smiling softly.

She chuckled. “True, I’d get sick of your ugly mug after two days tops and he’d make everything better. But seriously, go for it. I mean it. He seems to make you happy, you haven’t sounded like this in a long time.”

“Well I’m glad I have your blessing,” Bucky mocked, not willing to let her know how much her words actually meant to him.

“You should be. Anyway, I gotta go ‘cause I’m meeting a friend but you better do what I told you. Oh, and Bucky? You’re allowed to be happy again and let something good into your life. So go get him.”

“Thanks,” he mumbled softly and added, “Love you.”

“Ew, don’t get sappy now,” Rebecca teased. “Take care.”

Then the line went dead and Bucky was left staring at the wall. It sounded so much easier when she said it, and even though Bucky was pretty sure Steve liked him as well he didn’t quite know what exactly it was Steve wanted. Hell, he barely knew what exactly he himself wanted.

But that was something to ponder over tomorrow, he told himself as he went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. He could still almost feel Steve’s lips pressed against his own and allowed himself to think back to the time they’d spent together just hours earlier. Yes, he was happy when he was with Steve. A little anxious and still awkward, sure, but so far his anxiety hadn’t gotten the better of him and their dates had gone quite well, considering he literally hadn’t dated for about eight years (and was desperately pushing the fact he’d fallen asleep during his first make out session in almost as many years to the back of his mind – he was great at not dealing with certain things). Bucky actually was a little proud of himself, even if it might seem ridiculous. Letting someone this close was something he hadn’t done in a long time.

His sister was right, too, he had a crush on Steve, probably more than that. But they still barely knew each other and Bucky had so much baggage and god, he really needed to stop overthinking this.

Before he went to bed, he checked his phone again. Steve had sent him a doodle of a cute little robot holding a sign that read “Good night :)”. He fell asleep with a smile on his lips.

***

Figures that the next day, Bucky would be interrogated even more. This time, it wasn’t just Natasha, no, Peggy had gotten wind of it as well (probably tipped off by Natasha). And if that wasn’t enough already, Angie came in just in time to overhear Peggy teasing Bucky and trying to get something out of him and immediately asked him about the “blond hottie” that had kissed Bucky’s cheek the other day as well – which promptly led to Peggy inviting her over to her table and the two old ladies chatting and theorising about what exactly had happened on New Year’s Eve. Bucky decided it was best to hide in the kitchen.

Sometimes he hated having a job that involved interacting with people.

He was so busy baking and avoiding his nosy regulars and Natasha for as long as possible that he only noticed Steve had come in when he went to restock the display counter with freshly baked chocolate chip buns. Looking for Natasha who was leaning over one of the tables in the far corner of the café he had to look twice before he realised it was Steve she was talking to, sitting almost hidden from his view. Something about her posture made it obvious that their conversation wasn’t meant for anyone else and Bucky eyed them uneasily.

Steve seemed cautious, listening intently to Natasha’s words and nodding now and then. After a minute or two she patted his shoulder and smiled, then she sauntered back towards the counter. Bucky pretended not to have watched their exchange. Of course, she saw right through him.

“Your boyfriend’s here,” she chirped with a smirk.

Bucky frowned at her. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Right. Your… how did Peggy and Angie call him? I believe the term they used was ‘dreamy admirer with the great ass’ is here. They got along perfectly by the way, it was really cute.”

“Is there anyone in this café who isn’t interested in my love life?!”

“I think they were more interested in your sex life, to be honest,” Natasha deadpanned. “Anyway, Stevie asked for you. I’ll man the register.”

Grumbling something about women who had to stick their noses into everything that wasn’t their business and would one day embarrass him so much he would literally die on the spot Bucky walked past her. When Steve spotted him heading over and smiled brightly, though, Bucky couldn’t keep being grumpy.

He was greeted with a warm, “Hey, Buck, how are you?”

A nickname for his nickname? Really? But somehow, Bucky couldn’t find it in him to mind. “A lot better now that you’re here and certain people left,” he admitted and smiled softly.

Steve pulled a sympathetic face. “Peggy giving you a hard time about our date?”

“Yup, apparently I’m the most interesting thing in her life right now,” he joked. He was desperate to ask what Steve’s conversation with Natasha had been about but he bit his tongue. Instead, he nodded at the opened black sketch book in front of Steve. “You here to draw?”

“Yeah, I like the atmosphere, the food’s great and did you know the owner is really cute? You should check him out.” Steve grinned.

Of course, Bucky blushed. God, how he hated that. “Can I see it?” he tried to change the topic.

“Nope. I’ve barely even started. Later, okay?”

“Kay. You need anything else?”

Steve though about it for a moment. “Now that you mention it, yeah. I’d like one of those things you brought in earlier, the ones with the chocolate. Oh, and another date with you.”

Bucky laughed quietly. “Wow, so smooth, Rogers.”

“I know, my charm and wit are irresistible. So, I know you’re super busy but you think you could maybe take an evening off sometime this week?”

“Well, depends on what you have to offer.”

“I thought we could go to the movies if you’d like and grab a drink after? And I promise I won’t let you drink that much again. Cross my heart.”

“You just had to remind me, right?” Bucky grumbled. “Just please don’t tell Natasha. I’m begging you.”

“I won’t say a word if you go to the movies with me.”

“Are you trying to blackmail me right now?!”

Steve grinned. “Depends. Is it working?”

“You wouldn’t have to blackmail me to get me to go out with you,” Bucky admitted. “I guess I could talk to Natasha if she’ll be able to handle –”

“Barnes, you know I can run the show for a few hours,” Natasha piped in from behind Bucky and damn, how long had she already been there?! “When did you want to have Bucky all to yourself, Steve?”

“One day I will kick you out,” Bucky growled but Steve only laughed.

“How does Friday night sound? You don’t open up that early on Saturdays, right?”

“Friday’s perfect, Bucky will be there.”

“Natasha, fuck off! I can talk for myself.”

Ruffling Bucky’s hair, Natasha winked at Steve before turning and heading back to the help the customers that had just come in, not without calling, “Just tryin’ to help, but fine, Friday it is,” over her shoulder.

Bucky shook his head and ran a hand over his hair. “I’m so sorry.”

“Nah, don’t be. She means well. I still think she’s scary but I kinda like her. So, Friday?”

They agreed that Steve would come pick Bucky up and Bucky went to get Steve a chocolate chip bun before heading back into the kitchen to make sure nothing would scorch. Shortly afterwards, Natasha took a break and Bucky was back behind the counter, making small talk with customers and occasionally smiling over at Steve.

Before he left over an hour later, Steve made a beeline for Bucky and handed him a page he’d ripped from his sketchbook. “Here. Can’t wait till Friday.” To Bucky’s surprise Steve pecked him on the lips, earning them a squeal from the two teens in front of the counter and a “Get a room!” from Natasha.

“I hope you like it,” Steve said quietly, nodding at the piece of paper in Bucky’s hand, and then he was out the door.

Bucky stared after him for a moment – that seemed to become one of his new favourite activities, really – and eventually looked down at the sketch. It was a portrait of himself in profile, looking down with a smile and a few strands of hair that had slipped free from his messy bun falling into his face, drawn in pencil and incredibly realistic. He absolutely loved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wheeeeeeee! *runs away from responsibilities to write more fanfic*  
> I know this is so fluffy and sappy and sweet that it probably gives all of you toothaches by now but I need that. And I'm not sorry at all. I hope you need those lovesick dorks being adorable as much as I do!  
> And we have a recipe again! This time for Schokobrötchen aka chocolate chip buns which you can find here: https://bakingavenue.com/en_US/2014/08/23/leckere-hausgemachte-schokobrotchen-yummy-homemade-chocolate-buns/


	14. Chapter 14

**_Morning :) Did you sleep well?_ **

_Can’t complain, and you? Why’re you up already?_

**_Slept great. Why wouldn’t I be up?_ **

_It’s 6.30, you don’t get up that early_

**_How would you know?_ **

_You told me. Said you usually don’t get up before 8_

**_Yeah well, that was before I needed to start jogging regularly again cause I’m eating way too many pastries and I don’t wanna have to roll to the movies on Friday_ **

_You look fine to me_

**_Wow, thanks, your compliments are getting better and better. You tryna flirt with me?_ **

_Shut up_

**_Was just about to, I’m heading out now. Talk to you later :)_ **

Bucky shook his head with a smile and went back to kneading dough. He had the radio turned up, humming along to some alternative rock station, knowing Natasha wouldn’t show up for another hour and a half and complain about his taste in music or tell him he’d gotten stuck in his “High School wannabe punk/emo phase” and should get over it. Just because she was so pretentious and listened to classical music. Okay, maybe she wasn’t even pretending to like that stuff, it kinda fit to her, but still, it wasn’t like he complained about that, either.

It was almost eight when a loud knock on the back door pulled Bucky out of his baking. Wiping his hands on a towel, he listened, not sure if he’d heard right over the music. It couldn’t be Natasha, she had her own key and always came through the front door, and she was way too reliable to forget much less lose her key. When it knocked again, Bucky turned the radio down and went out the back of the kitchen to open the back door – only to find Steve grinning at him, slightly out of breath and wiping a thin film of sweat from his forehead.

“Mornin’.”

“What’re you doing here?!” was the first thing Bucky said and immediately cursed himself, but Steve just kept grinning.

“Well, I thought since I was on a morning run anyway I’d stop by and say hello. And maybe get a cup of coffee? If you’ll let me in, that is.”

“Oh, right, sure. Please.” Stepping aside to let him enter, Bucky eyed Steve. “Aren’t you freezing?”

Steve shook his head and went straight towards the kitchen, peeking into it curiously. “No, why?”

“You’re wearing a T-Shirt. At eight in the morning. In January.”

“’s not that cold when you’re running.”

Bucky snorted. “It snowed last night, you know that, right?”

Shrugging, Steve turned, braced himself on both sides of the doorframe and leaned forward, stopping a few inches from Bucky’s face. “So? I thought you could warm me up again… with your coffee.”

“You’re insufferable,” Bucky muttered and tried to sneak past him into the kitchen but Steve blocked the way and stopped him with a hand on his arm.

“Good morning,” he smiled softly.

Bucky rolled his eyes, ignoring the butterflies in his stomach that came with Steve’s stupidly adorable smile. “You already said that.”

“You’re ruining everything,” Steve grumbled and pulled Bucky close to press their lips together. Bucky could really get used to this. “I actually came by ‘cause I’ll be busy today and tomorrow but I wanted to see you before Friday,” he admitted sheepishly.

Naturally, Bucky’s face immediately grew hot, but this time Steve blushed a little as well and quickly added, “I hope that’s okay?”

“Of course.” ‘ _Go get him_ ,’ he could almost hear his sister’s voice encouraging him and he braced up to say, “I’m happy to see you.”

“Phew, that’s good, I was afraid you were gonna grow tired of me.” There was a hint of worry beneath the serenity of that statement.

Bucky smiled reassuringly and quipped, “Nah, I think you’re pretty okay for an art-loving dork that can’t even bake.”

“Why thank you, you’re making me all shy and nervous with all your lovely compliments,” Steve teased.

Huffing a laugh, Bucky nudged Steve, trying to get past him again. “You’re an idiot.”

Steve didn’t move an inch. “You still like me though, don’t you?” he mocked.

“What makes you think that?”

Instead of answering, Steve cupped Bucky’s face and kissed him again, deep and demanding this time and Bucky did his best not to outright moan at the sensation. He nipped on Steve’s bottom lip before slowly pushing his tongue into Steve’s mouth. One of Steve’s hands slid down to Bucky’s hip and pulled him against his own body, then he broke the kiss to whisper, “The fact that you’re kissing back and not trying to punch me or run away,” against Bucky’s lips.

“Maybe I just want you for your body,” Bucky mumbled, going in for another kiss.

Steve raised a brow and grinned. “Do you now?”

“No, not really. Now shut up and kiss me again.”

And Steve did. Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck and kissed him back, feeling the warmth radiating off Steve’s body because they were so close. Steve’s hand found his hair and Bucky gasped when Steve’s fingers pulled lightly so he could reach down and nip at Bucky’s neck. Bucky grasped Steve’s shirt and bit his lip as Steve placed kisses on his jaw and then slid his tongue back between Bucky’s lips.

Without even thinking about it, Bucky pushed Steve up against the nearest wall and kissed him hungrily. Steve made a soft, surprised sound but just grabbed Bucky’s waist and shivered slightly when Bucky slipped a hand under his shirt.

“Please tell me you’re not planning to have sex right here in the kitchen,” Natasha’s voice brought them back to reality and Bucky hastily stumbled back, away from Steve who looked just as flushed as Bucky did.

“Could you please knock?” he muttered, completely embarrassed.

“Since you’re always the only person in here I definitely did not expect to find you and Steve getting it on so I didn’t think it was necessary,” Natasha deadpanned.

“I actually just came by for a cup of coffee,” Steve claimed sheepishly, face still bright red.

Natasha raised a brow and snorted. “Yeah, sure you did.”

“I’m gonna make some,” Bucky announced and grabbed Steve’s wrist. “C’mon.”

While the coffee maker started gurgling, Bucky let out a slow breath and glanced at Steve and suddenly they were both giggling like school kids.

“Well, that was embarrassing…” Bucky chuckled, running a hand over his face.

Steve nodded with a bright grin. “Still pretty great if you ask me. Wanna piss her off even more?”

“If it involves you kissing me again, definitely.”

When Natasha came out of the kitchen a few minutes later, she slapped Bucky up the back of his head and growled, “You know exactly that you’ll have to clean the entire counter again when you sit on it to make out with your lover.”

Nevertheless, Bucky could see her smile from the corner of his eye as she walked towards the tables.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this one's rather short but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for homophobic behaviour and language

Why the hell was he so nervous? It wasn’t like it was their first date and Bucky told himself over and over again it would be fine; they’d watched movies together already and Steve had agreed to take things slow. No need to panic. Nothing to worry about in a dark room where couples went to make out. They weren’t even a couple. It would be fine.

Still he flinched when his doorbell rang on Friday evening. He smoothed a hand over his hair and buzzed the door open before throwing another quick glance in the mirror but he barely had any time to think about his outfit again since Steve took the steps two at a time and was standing in front of Bucky’s door in a matter of seconds.

“Hi,” he said with a smile.

Steve leaned against the doorframe. “Hey. You ready?”

“Yep. What are we gonna watch?”

“Always gotta know everything, don’t you, Barnes?” Steve grinned and offered Bucky his arm.

After a moment’s hesitation, Bucky tucked his arm into Steve’s and grumbled, “I like knowing what I’m about to do,” as they took the stairs and headed out into the cold evening.

“Well, I thought since you haven’t seen Fantastic Beasts yet I’d take you. And I know a great place just around the corner of the movie theatre where we could have a drink first ‘cause the movie doesn’t start for another two hours.”

“Sounds nice.”

The place was indeed great, a little secluded in a side street with a somewhat old school yet charming touch. Steve greeted the bartender who looked somewhat familiar with a small wave and pulled Bucky over to him to order drinks.

“Your usual?” the bartender asked Steve who nodded with a smile.

“Tony, this is Bucky. Bucky, that’s Tony, you might remember him,” Steve introduced the two and yes, of course. Steve’s neighbour who had caught them on Steve’s balcony on New Year’s Eve.

“Nice to meet you without Steve’s tongue down your throat,” Tony offered with a grin. “What can I get you?”

Bucky sheepishly replied, “You, too. Uh, a beer would be great, thank you.”

“Coming right up.”

With their drinks in hand Steve and Bucky settled in a booth not far from the bar. Bucky looked at the place in admiration, he liked the modest but welcoming, dimly lit place that was decorated with vintage promotional signs from detergent to Coca Cola with lots of pin up girls on them. It even had an old juke box that looked like it was straight from the ‘80s.

“Wow, does that thing still work?”

“Yup. Tony’s pride and joy, he rebuilt it after finding it on a junk yard.”

Bucky marvelled at it. “That’s awesome. I should get one for my café, too. That would totally fit in there.”

“Hm, yeah, but it’s hard to get original ones,” Steve said and pretended to think about it. “It would fit right into your place, though. We could steal this one. You distract Tony while I grab it and run?”

Bucky snorted a laugh and nearly choked on his beer so Steve had to pat his back. “Yeah, right, like you could just carry it out the door.”

Crossing his arms over his chest, Steve claimed, “I’m sure I could lift it.”

“Sure. Tony would probably kill you, though.”

“Probably. Wanna check it out? Has some great songs on it.”

“You don’t mind?” 

“Nah, ‘course not. As long as you come back.” Steve smiled and leaned back in his seat.

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” He quickly headed over to the juke box. Looking over all the options – mostly rock from the ‘70s and ‘80s – Bucky decided he just had to pick a few songs.

While he walked back towards the booth, the first notes of Dream On started playing and Tony looked up from the bar and grinned at Bucky. 

“She’s a beauty, isn’t she?” he called proudly.

Bucky nodded his head and smiled back as he slid into the booth next to Steve. “It’s a she?”

“Yup, apparently. Don’t need to understand him, really. Nice choice, by the way. Didn’t know you liked classic rock.”

“Occasionally. How about you?”

With the songs Bucky had picked playing in the background, they talked about music, eventually continued with their favourite books and authors (“Shakespeare? Really? Buck, that’s so pretentious.” “His plays are full of dick jokes and still he counts as the greatest writer in English literature, how can you not find that hilarious?!”) and eventually Bucky asked Steve about his current projects and paintings.

As always, his anxiousness was completely unfounded, and when Bucky mentioned he considered going to see an exhibition Steve was hooked.

“What do you wanna see?”

“They’re showing some works by a French painter, and I, uh, was gonna ask you if maybe you wanted to come with me? Only if you’re even interested in going with someone like me, that is…” he mumbled, suddenly insecure again.

Steve smiled brightly. “I’d love to, why wouldn’t I?”

“Well, I don’t know shit about art, but this guy seems pretty cool. Painted a lot of stuff the critics hated because it was so controversial.”

“I honestly don’t care that you don’t know anything about art, I’d really like to go with you. What’s his name?”

“Gér-something.” Of fucking course he couldn’t remember his name, how typical. He hated being this forgetful when he got nervous and wracked his brain for any more information. “Lived around 1800, died pretty young…”

For a second, Steve thought with a concentrated expression, then his face lit up. “Géricault?”

Bucky nodded with relief. “That’s the one.”

“I’m definitely in. I’ve heard about him in college, never saw any of his works in real life, though. He was a great artist and yeah, pretty controversial and also ahead of his time. It’ll be fun.”

“It’s a date, then?” Bucky asked, trying to hide his excitement. He had asked Steve out without fainting. That had to count as a success. Rebecca would be proud.

“Absolutely. I think it’s a great idea,” Steve assured him and pecked Bucky’s cheek.

At that, the guy in the next booth snorted derogatively and glared at them. Bucky bit his lip and looked away, but Steve glowered right back. “You got a problem?”

“Yeah, and it’s sitting right there,” the man growled.

With a hand on Steve’s forearm, Bucky quietly mumbled, “Just ignore him.”

Of course, Steve didn’t listen to him. Bucky knew he was out and proud and had gotten into trouble before because he wouldn’t accept any homophobic behaviour, and sure enough, Steve snarled, “So what exactly is your problem, huh? Never seen two guys dating?”

“That’s the last thing I wanna see when I go out to enjoy a drink. It’s disgusting.”

“Well, maybe you should go somewhere else then,” Steve snapped.

Bucky swallowed. He wanted nothing but to get out of this situation. “Steve, don’t. Please.” He got up and tried to pull Steve with him, but Steve just planted himself right where he was and didn’t budge an inch.

“Oh, so I’m supposed to leave because you two gotta get it on right here and have to rub your fucked up ways into everyone’s face?”

“I kissed his cheek, that’s barely getting it on. If you don’t like it, don’t look.”

“It’s not like I can just ignore you faggots when you’re right next to me.”

Bucky’s stomach twisted and he buried his fists in the pockets of his jacket, eyes fixated on Steve who now got up as well. He felt sick. “Steve, no…”

“What did you just say?” Steve’s voice was dangerously low but the guy didn’t seem impressed, even as Steve practically towered over him. He was probably too drunk to realise how tall and muscular Steve was and just glared harder as he got up, swaying slightly.

“You heard me, faggot.”

Bucky could watch Steve’s face go red with anger as he leaned forward. “You better leave this establishment right now,” he growled.

“I’m not the one who should be leaving, you should. In fact, they should put you and your boy toy behind bars and let you rot there. You’re fucking sick, you don’t deserve to li-” The man didn’t get to finish his sentence. Steve punched him square in the face so fast Bucky didn’t even process what was going on until it was too late.

“Get out!” Steve snarled.

“You can’t make me leave, motherfucker!” the guy screamed, staring at the blood running from his nose for a moment before darting at Steve and trying to land a hit.

Steve blocked the blow easily but before he could throw another punch, Bucky grabbed his arm and pulled him back just as Tony got a hold of the other guy.

“He can’t make you, but I can. Get the fuck out of my bar,” he said calmly and steered him towards the door. “And never come back.”

That just enraged the guy even more and before anybody could react he’d freed himself of Tony’s grip, lunged at Steve, knocked him over and swung at him. It took both Tony and Bucky to haul him off Steve and out the door, all the while he screamed for “the fucking faggot” to get his hands off of him.

Tony gave him a push and threatened to call the police if the guy didn’t immediately get lost while Bucky rushed back inside to look after Steve who was already standing again. His left cheek was red where the man had landed a punch but he immediately reassured Bucky he was fine.

“You just had to hit someone in my bar, Rogers, huh?” Tony chided but then shrugged and grinned. “Well, makes one homophobe less that thinks he can just get away with everything. Buckaroo, you look like you need a drink.”

Bucky just nodded numbly, realising his hands that were carefully holding Steve’s face were shaking. “Are you okay?” he asked again, still feeling sick to his stomach.

“I’m fine, Buck, really,” Steve said softly. “How about you? You really don’t look that great.”

“I just… Gimme a moment, okay?”

Steve hummed in agreement and told Bucky to sit down as Tony brought them two shots of Tequila. Bucky quickly downed his and took a deep breath.

“You wanna go home?” Steve asked, wrapping an arm around Bucky’s shoulders protectively.

“No, ‘s fine, I just…”

“Bucky. You’re shaking. C’mon, I’ll take you home.”

Protest was pointless and Bucky barely remembered the way home. Steve was right, he was in no condition to be walking around outside. He just wanted to curl up and forget this had happened. The night had started so well, and now…

He felt terrible about ruining it.

“It’s not your fault and you know that,” Steve reminded him when he said it out loud. “If anything, I should be the one apologising. You were right, I should’ve ignored that asshole, but I’ve never been good at that. I’m sorry, Bucky.” He let them into Bucky’s apartment and snuggled up with him on the sofa. “You wanna talk about it?”

Bucky shook his head. His heartbeat was back to normal but talking about why he was freaking out about this small fight definitely wasn’t something he wanted to do.

“Okay. You want me to stay here?”

“Yeah. We could watch a movie here,” Bucky mumbled.

Steve smiled and pressed a kiss to Bucky’s temple. “Great idea.”

Halfway through the film, Bucky was almost asleep, tucked into Steve’s side, and Steve’s eyes grew heavy as well.

“I should go,” he murmured into Bucky’s hair, not even sure if Bucky heard him.

“No. Stay.” Bucky yawned, then softly added, “Please.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way but your couch is pretty small and I doubt I can fit even half of my body onto it when I try to lie down.”

Without really thinking about it, Bucky mumbled, “My bed’s big enough for two.” It took his sleepy brain a moment to catch up to what he’d just said but he honestly couldn’t care less.

Steve stayed quiet for several seconds before asking, “You sure?”

“Yeah.” He didn’t want to be alone tonight and even knowing his nightmares would probably be worse than usual didn’t make him regret this decision either. Even if it meant having to explain himself to Steve. If he wanted to make this work, if he wanted this to be serious, he’d have to tell him sooner or later anyway.

“Okay.”

And so they ended up in Bucky’s bed a couple minutes later, both on their back, about a foot apart, breathing slowly and listening to the other’s breath. Eventually, Steve took heart and inched his hand over until it reached Bucky’s. He intertwined their fingers and Bucky fell asleep with Steve’s thumb stroking soothing circles over the back of his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... This kinda got darker than I had intended, but well... Gotta talk about the heavy stuff at some point, I suppose.  
> I hope you like this chapter anyway and I promise the next one will be cuter and fluffier again c:


	16. Chapter 16

Bucky sighed softly and hid his face in his pillow. It was still dark outside and he didn’t want to get up, even though he was fairly certain that it was about time. His biological clock made him wake up at 6.45 sharp on weekends so he had another five minutes he could spend in bed, which barely seemed enough this morning. He was warm and content and just wanted to stay in all day, but that wasn’t an option. The café didn’t run itself.

Only when several seconds had ticked by did his sleepy mind figure out that something was different than usual. In fact, he didn’t even notice it until something around his middle tightened and he felt himself being pulled backwards into something warm and firm. He held his breath for a moment, trying to recall the previous night, when a face nuzzled into the back of his neck and slow puffs of breath tickled his skin.

The bar. The homophobic asshole. Steve bringing him home. A movie. Going to bed with Steve.

…with Steve.

Holy shit.

Bucky’s heart stopped for a moment. In his bed, spooning him, his body pressed flush against Bucky’s back and his face buried in Bucky’s neck, was Steve, his arm draped over Bucky’s stomach and their left hands intertwined.

Forcing himself to take slow breaths, Bucky tried to figure out what to do.

When had Steve gotten this close? Was he aware of what he was doing? Probably not, Bucky thought when he realised Steve was taking deep, regular breaths. He was still fast asleep. But there was no way Bucky could just slip out of bed without waking Steve, not with the way Steve had practically tucked Bucky into his body and held on to him.

Bucky closed his eyes again and counted down from ten to calm his nerves. This was okay, he told himself, it was just Steve. And it probably was completely unintentional anyway. With those thoughts in mind he tried to relax and doze for a few more minutes. He didn’t want to wake Steve but it looked like he didn’t have another choice.

*

“G’morning…” The words were mumbled into Bucky’s ear and he flinched awake when a body pressed even closer.

“Huh? Wha…? Steve?”

Wait. He’d been through this already. Steve was in his bed and Bucky had already been awake and… Oh god, he’d fallen asleep again. His free hand searched his nightstand for his phone.

“Mmmh… Uh, sorry?” Steve rasped when he felt Bucky tense up in his arms, immediately let go and moved away a few inches. “Shoulda warned you, I’m a sleep cuddler. Promise I didn’t try to smother you on purpose.”

Bucky’s hand finally grazed his mobile and he almost dropped it when he saw the time.

“Shit! Shit shit shit shit fuck!”

“Um… Whatever happened, I’m sure it wasn’t that bad?” It sounded more like a question. “I mean, I’m positive we didn’t have sex, so…” Steve trailed off when Bucky leaped out of bed and grabbed his jeans and a sweatshirt.

“No, I’m late!” he explained with panic in his voice and stumbled into the bathroom, locking the door behind him so Steve wouldn’t come in and see him change. “I’m sorry, it’s got nothin’ to do with you, I was supposed to get up an hour ago! I must’ve fallen asleep again… Fuck!”

In his rush Bucky almost knocked his cabinet over as he pulled his jeans on and lost his balance and he could hear Steve ask if he was okay from outside.

“Yeah, ‘m fine, gimme a sec.” He quickly tugged his sleep shirt over his head and put on the sweatshirt. A deep breath, then he unlocked the door and gave Steve a crooked, embarrassed smile. “Swear it’s not about… that…” he said with a vague gesture to the bedroom. “I’m in the kitchen at seven on Saturdays and it’s almost eight now and I’m really fucked. I’ll, uh, call you later?”

Steve bit his lip, then sheepishly suggested, “Well, maybe I could help you? Looks like it’s my fault that you overslept after all.”

Shaking his head, Bucky grinned and said, “No offense but I remember you telling me several times that you’ll ruin everything that’s supposed to go into the oven when dough is involved.”

“I’m great at making sandwiches, though.”

Bucky eyed Steve for a moment and nodded slowly. “Fine.”

So Steve followed Bucky downstairs after putting on his shoes and listened to Bucky’s explanations where everything was, what exactly he was supposed to do and of course all the regulations regarding health and safety while trying to stifle a few yawns. Bucky promised him a huge cup of coffee as soon as he had the first batch of pastries in the oven.

They had been working in comfortable silence with only the radio playing quietly in the background for almost half an hour when Steve cleared his throat and almost casually said, “So, I have a confession to make.”

Bucky stopped dead in his tracks on his way past Steve and towards the fridge and slowly turned to face Steve. That sounded anything but good. “Okay…?”

“Tonight might not have been completely unintentional.” When Bucky just kept staring at Steve he continued, “You seemed to have terrible nightmares and I didn’t know what to do ‘cause you wouldn’t wake up so I hugged you and eventually you calmed down and I must’ve fallen asleep like that.”

Bucky swallowed hard and averted his eyes. “Oh.” It wasn’t like he hadn’t expected the nightmares but it still embarrassed him that Steve had witnessed them. “I’m sorry if I woke you.”

“It’s fine. Sam used to wake up screaming just after he got back from the Air Force and physical contact kinda got him to calm down, too. Back when we shared an apartment,” he added. “You wanna talk about it?”

“No.” Bucky just hoped Steve understood. At some point maybe, but right now, standing in his kitchen on a Saturday morning that was already hectic enough, completely unprepared, definitely wasn’t the right time nor place.

To his relief, Steve just nodded. Of course he nodded, Steve was amazing and kind and wouldn’t pressure Bucky. “Okay. You got someone to talk to, though? About whatever happened in the army?”

He gave a noncommittal shrug. His family knew about the incident, or at least part of it, and one night when he’d been completely drunk he’d told Natasha everything, making her promise the next day to never tell another soul.

“If you ever need someone to talk, I’m here, okay?” Steve said quietly.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Bucky murmured with a lump in his throat.

With a snort, Steve shook his head and gently grabbed Bucky’s shoulders. “You still haven’t gotten it, have you?”

Bucky looked up in confusion. “Gotten what?”

“I like you, Bucky,” Steve blurted out. “In fact, I’ve been coming to your café for the past three months ‘cause I thought you were cute and I wanted to get to know you but I was too afraid to ask you out at first ‘cause I didn’t know if you even were into guys and then you were somehow always in the kitchen when I came in.” He laughed quietly. “And then I literally ran into you – I swear that was an accident, by the way – and I told myself that it was the perfect chance to ask you out. I almost passed out after kissing your cheek that day. Or when I asked you out via text. Which is pathetic, I know. I might’ve tried playing everything cool but I was fucking nervous. Hell, I’m fucking nervous right now, Buck. But I like you. A lot. I like spending time with you.” Steve took a deep breath after his rambling and ran a hand over his face.

Bucky just gaped at him.

“The truth is, I wanna date you, Bucky. Hang out with you whenever you have time, just to talk, watch movies, go to the museum, whatever. I don’t even care what we’re doing as long as it’s with you. If that’s not what you want you just have to tell me and I’ll leave you alone, just… I thought I should be clear about what I want. And if by any chance that’s what you want, too, I promise we can take things as slow as you like.”

For a few moments, neither of them said a word, Bucky trying to wrap his head around what he’d just heard, and Steve waiting for any kind of response.

“You…” Bucky started but trailed off, looking for the right words. Eventually, he went with, “You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.” It wasn’t exactly the response Steve deserved, but he didn’t want Steve to one day realise he’d made a huge mistake and leave.

“You’re not as bad as you think, Buck,” Steve tried to joke, but they both knew he didn’t think the situation was funny at all.

“I’m a workaholic, I practically spend all of my time in this kitchen or the café, I haven’t dated anyone since I was twenty and I’m a completely messed up vet who’s barely holding it together when he has the time to think about anything but pastries and work.”

Steve looked a little dumbfounded. “You haven’t dated anyone since you were twenty?”

“That’s all you got from what I just said?!”

“No, sorry. I know.”

Now it was Bucky’s turn to look confused. “You know what?”

“That you’re a workaholic and that you’re going through some stuff. If you don’t wanna tell me what it is that’s fine with me, I guess. But I don’t care about all the reasons that apparently make you think I wouldn’t wanna be with you. ‘cause I really want to.”

“Steve…” Bucky’s voice was barely more than a whisper.

Letting go of Bucky, Steve took a small step back. “You could just think about it? Don’t have to decide yet.”

“Steve.”

“We could go out a few more times if you’d like.”

“Steve.”

“Or I just, dunno, I can give you some space and we only see each other here occasionally,” Steve kept rambling.

“Steve, would you shut up for a moment?!” Bucky cut in and shocked both of them. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to… I’m really not good at this stuff. I just don’t want you to think that I’m someone I’m not, or be disappointed ‘cause I don’t really have much time…” ‘And am a complete mess,’ he thought but didn’t say it out loud.

“I’m not gonna be disappointed. We can make it work, I’m sure. I mean, if you even want to, that is…”

Bucky chewed on his lip, a nervous habit he just couldn’t shake, and mumbled, “I wanna make it work. I like you too, y’know, I just don’t wanna pull you into all my crap with the café and… everything else.”

A small smile lit Steve’s face and he cupped Bucky’s cheek with his hand. “You’re a pretty successful businessman, I don’t think it’s gonna be that bad.”

“I still have nightmares every night.”

“I can handle nightmares. If you even let me sleep in the same bed with you after I almost crushed you last night.” His smile turned into a lopsided grin.

“Wasn’t that bad,” Bucky admitted softly. “So, you really still wanna date me?”

“Yup. With nightmares and too much work hours and everything else that comes with it.”

Bucky smiled insecurely. “You sure you don’t just want me for my cookies?”

“Maybe a little,” Steve teased.

“Does that mean I can kiss you whenever I want to?”

“I think that can be arrang- hmpf!”

The kiss that Bucky pulled Steve into didn’t just cut him off, it let him forget whatever else he had wanted to say. One hand on the back of Steve’s neck, the other resting on his hip, Bucky pulled Steve close as Steve eagerly kissed him back.

“Does that also mean I get to fall asleep next to you again?” Bucky asked breathlessly, still close enough to brush their lips together as he spoke.

“If you want to. Now stop talking.”

The kitchen timer reminding them that there were cookies in the oven interrupted them after a few more minutes of slow, deep kisses and Bucky hesitantly let go of Steve.

“’s probably better, or you’re not gonna get anything done before you open,” Steve remarked with a grin, panting slightly. “Hey, what about the coffee you promised me?”

“If you get the cookies, I’ll get the coffee.”

“Deal.”

When Bucky stepped out of the kitchen he stopped dead in his tracks for the second time this morning as he spotted Natasha leaning against the display counter, arms crossed over her chest and a smirk on her face.

“Can’t believe you did it, Barnes.”

“How long’ve you been here?!”

“Long enough to know that someone managed to get over his fear,” she said earnestly. “I’m proud of you.”

Bucky’s face grew hot but he smiled softly. “Thanks, Nat.”

*

A few hours later Natasha called him out of the kitchen with a, “Hey, Barnes, you might wanna rescue your boyfriend, Angie and Peggy are practically all over him.”

His first instinct was his usual “He’s not my boyfriend,” but he quickly caught himself and smiled. Steve actually was his boyfriend, even if the word still felt somewhat unfamiliar. “I’m coming,” he replied, readying himself to face the two nosy old ladies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who got their shit together! (Not me, obviously, or I wouldn't be writing so much on this fic but well...)  
> This is a typical case of the story developing on its own and in a pretty different direction than I had planned for this chapter but I'm actually quite happy with how this turned out.  
> So they're finally boyfriends! Yay! *throws confetti* I hope you guys are as happy about it as I am!!


	17. Chapter 17

“This thing is gigantic. How did he even paint all this?!” Bucky asked incredulously.

“With ladders and a lot of time and paint, I suppose,” Steve said. “But you know this is a replica and not the original, right?”

Bucky stared at him. “Wait, what? Why wouldn’t they show the original here?”

“You do realise that the original is an almost two hundred year old, over sixteen to twenty-three feet big painting? They can’t just ship that from Paris over here for just one exhibition. The others are originals, though.”

“But the others aren’t as interesting,” Bucky mumbled to himself.

Steve nudged him with a grin. “The other paintings are pretty cool, too. You just need a little more background info on them. And that’s what I’m here for, isn’t it?”

“Fine. But first I wanna hear about this one.”

So Steve told him about why exactly Géricault’s painting of a raft with half naked bodies on it had been so extraordinary and provocative, reciting the background of the ship accident, the incompetence of the captain and the complete disregard towards the crew that was left of the raft of the Medusa in the middle of the ocean. He pointed out details like the ship in the far back, barely visible on the horizon, that would later rescue the remaining fifteen sailors, and was completely unaware of the few people that had stopped around them to listen to him.

Bucky couldn’t help but ask, “Hold on. Fifteen? Are you fucking serious?!”

“Yup. That’s part of why this was such a huge scandal. Out of hundred and forty-nine people on that raft only fifteen survived. The ship could’ve rescued a few more, but when it disappeared again after the sailors spotted it for the first time, a couple of the men committed suicide so in the end there were only fifteen left. Géricault actually used some of the survivors as models for this painting.”

“The French officials must’ve hated him.”

Steve chuckled. “They did. Imagine coming to that exhibition in the Paris Salon and looking right at this huge painting depicting one of the greatest failures in French history after the French Revolution. The entire art scene was shocked, this format and also the composition of the bodies are typical for history paintings but the colours are all wrong and the subject is anything but heroic. The reactions and critiques were horrific. Not to mention that this work was actually not commissioned which was rather uncommon at that time, especially for a painting of this size. Géricault basically painted it just because he could and to piss everyone off.”

“I think this is the only painter I’d ever like to meet, I like him.” Bucky grinned. “Well, except for you, maybe. You’re pretty okay, too.”

“Gee, thanks.” Steve grabbed Bucky’s hand and pulled him close. “Look over there, see that guy waving the piece of cloth?”

For the next two hours, Bucky listened to Steve’s explanations and comments on all the different paintings, studies and sketches, only occasionally noting something like “That guy was really into horses” and “What’s with all the severed body parts?” that made Steve grin and go right into the next explanation.

“Y’know, museums and art exhibitions aren’t that bad when you’re there to explain everything. Seriously, this is way more interesting than I’d expected,” Bucky admitted as they took a break on one of the many benches in one of the exhibition rooms.

Steve smiled and wrapped his arm around Bucky. “I’m glad. You gotta tell me if I talk too much, though, I tend to just ramble.”

Leaning into Steve’s side, Bucky said, “I like your rambling. And I like that you’re so passionate about this.”

“Well, art history is full of fun facts, badasses and hilarious personalities. I’ll have to show you Artemisia Gentileschi’s works sometime. Da Vinci was a pretty weird guy, too.”

Bucky looked at Steve. “Hey, was da Vinci really gay?”

“Hell yes. There literally are doodles of dicks with tails and feet in one of his notebooks that were probably drawn by his lover. But it’s not surprising barely anyone seems to know he was gay,” he added and Bucky couldn’t help but notice the hint of bitterness in Steve’s voice.

“Well, now I can tell my mom that I’m like da Vinci.”

“Huh?”

With a shrug, Bucky added, “When I come out.”

“Your mom doesn’t know you’re gay?” Steve failed to hide his surprise. Bucky had told him all about his sister and how supportive she was and how much he loved her, but he hadn’t mentioned the fact that his mother still asked him when he would bring home a girl.

“Yeah, I just… I don’t know how to tell her. I don’t want her to be… disappointed, I guess. Dunno. Rebecca says I’m a moron but I’m kinda scared that mom will look at me differently.”

“From what you’ve told me about her I think she’ll accept you just the way you are,” Steve said softly and kissed Bucky’s cheek. “She’s your mom, she has to be great.”

He was probably right but the mere thought still made Bucky feel uneasy. Steve immediately picked up on it – Bucky really wondered how he could read him so easily – and intertwined their fingers before pulling Bucky up and into the next room.

When they sat down in the museum’s café for a coffee after looking at approximately ten more paintings of horses Bucky could suddenly feel eyes on him and he could swear he heard someone whispering behind them. He quickly glanced over his shoulder to see two women sitting a few yards away with five small children about eight years old which were all staring at him and Steve, whispering loudly in the way children did, not realising Bucky could hear them. One of the women, apparently the mother of two of the children, hushed them but they didn’t listen and just kept gaping at Bucky and Steve.

“I think we have an audience,” he muttered and Steve trailed off to look around.

Just at that moment, one of the little boys asked his mother in a loud whisper, “Are they best friends, too?”

“I think they’re boyfriends, honey,” the woman replied, obviously hoping for her son to stop asking questions about them.

“Peter is my boyfriend, too, can I hold hands and hug with him when we walk around?”

“That’s another kind of boyfriend, darling. They’re probably gay.”

Bucky could feel Steve tense next to him, waiting for the woman’s next words.

“What’s gay?” a girl, smaller than the others, chirped in.

The other mother patiently explained, “It’s when a boy loves another boy or a girl loves another girl.”

The kids thought about that for a moment, still staring at Steve and Bucky with wide eyes. Apparently, they were even more interesting than the cake in front of the children.

“I love Peter. Am I gay?” the little boy asked with an expression that was much too serious for his age and his mother ruffled his hair.

“You could be. And that’s totally okay. You’ll probably figure it out when you’re a bit older. Now let’s stop staring, okay? We don’t want to make the two uncomfortable.” She sent an apologetic look towards Steve and Bucky.

“Mommy?” Another girl with pigtails gently tugged at her mother’s shirt. “Can I go to them and say hello?”

With a soft sigh, the woman nodded. “But make it quick, and be nice, okay?”

“Kay!” She jumped up and over to Steve and Bucky and looked up at them with a toothy smile. “Hi! I’m Kate. You’re very pretty together.”

Bucky’s cheeks flushed and Steve rubbed the back of his neck and laughed. “Thanks, princess. I think you’re very pretty, too.”

“Thank you! I have to go now. Goodbye.” And after a small wave she paraded back to her mother, announcing, “He thinks I’m a princess!”

“I did not see that coming,” Bucky murmured and smiled softly.

“I think we just got her approval,” Steve chuckled and leaned into Bucky.

“Mhm.”

“So, boyfriend, have you had enough of horses and art for today?” Steve teased.

A slightly relieved grin on his face, Bucky nodded. “Yeah, I think I don’t need to see another horse for the next two years. You okay with going home?”

“Absolutely. This was a great idea, though. I hope you had fun, too.”

“I did.”

Steve smiled and leaned even closer to mumble into Bucky’s ear, “I can think of other fun things we could do at home… Like eating an entire tub of ice cream and watching a movie?”

“Sounds perfect.”

That night they ended up falling asleep on Bucky’s small sofa, Steve’s head tucked into the crook of Bucky’s neck and Bucky’s arm around him, and when Bucky woke up from a nightmare they padded into the bedroom and curled up together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I'm sorry this took so long. I was so busy with real life stuff and always tired so writing wasn't really on my radar for a few days.  
> Secondly, this chapter is rather short because I actually wrote a whole chapter with an entirely different scene earlier tonight. And I absolutely hated it. So I decided to just go with the planned date at the museum and give you what I love most: art history stuff and fluffy cuteness.  
> Lastly, I realised I have no frickin clue what couples do on dates. Like, seriously, I would just go to a museum or a bookstore or watch movies. What else do people do on dates? Picnics? Take walks? Is that still a thing? I am very appreciative of any ideas!  
> Also, if anyone's interested, Géricault's "Raft of the Medusa" is a really extraordinary piece of art and the English Wikipedia article about it is pretty good. And as for the dicks in da Vinci's notebook - see for yourselves: http://dangerousminds.net/comments/an_x-rated_doodle_from_the_notebooks_of_leonardo_da_vinci


	18. Chapter 18

Bucky was pacing back and forth, crossing his small living room for the thirtieth time over the past few minutes, his phone pressed to his ear. “Yes, ma, I’m gonna come to your birthday, I told you. I’m closing the shop for two days, Natasha can handle it for two more days, at least that’s what she’s saying, so I’ll be there a day early and stay a bit longer.”

“It’ll be lovely to have you back home, darling,” his mother said and Bucky could hear the smile in her voice. “It feels like it’s been forever since I saw you.”

“I know, ma. We’ll spend so much time together while I’m there that you’ll be sick of me.”

His mother laughed. “I don’t think that’ll ever happen. By the way, James, are you going to bring anyone?”

Biting back a groan, Bucky forced himself to stop pacing and sat down on the sofa. He had known this question would come sooner or later but that didn’t make it any better. “No, ma, I’m not gonna bring anyone, just like always.”

“You’re such a nice and handsome young man, honey, anyone would be lucky to have you, you know that, right?”

‘Here we go again,’ Bucky thought and let her talk about how tragic it was that he didn’t go out, that she knew he could be happy again, that her friend’s daughter was a lovely, pretty young lady and…

“Hold on. What? Ma, you’re not going to set me up with some girl,” he protested.

“All I’m saying is that it would be nice for you to have someone to talk to while you’re here.”

Bucky clenched his teeth and tried to stay calm. “I have Rikki. And you. I don’t need you to set up a blind date for me.” Especially not with some girl, but he didn’t say that.

“It wouldn’t be a blind date,” his mother said rather unconvincingly.

“Told you he’d say no,” Bucky could hear Rebecca chime in in the background. “It’s a horrible idea.”

“I just don’t want him to be alone,” Winifred grumbled.

His sister replied something that sounded like “He’s old enough to make decisions for himself,” but Bucky couldn’t be quite sure. 

“Ma, I need to go…” he tried to get her attention again.

“Hold on, Rebecca wants to talk to you.”

Bucky sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. He should have called earlier, Steve would be here any minute and he didn’t want to keep him waiting – or be subjected to Rebecca’s many questions again.

“Hey, Bucky,” her voice chirped into his ear.

“Hey. You told ma I wouldn’t go on a date with her friend’s daughter, huh?”

“Yup. Didn’t say anything else, though, don’t worry. But…” she made a dramatic pause and Bucky could hear a door clicking shut, “I think this is the perfect opportunity.”

In that moment, the doorbell saved him from having to reply and Bucky got up to buzz the door open for Steve as Rebecca continued talking.

“You’ll have to tell her someday, and you’ll be thirty next year, Bucky. Don’t you think it’s about time? Plus, you and Steve have been dating for almost a month now. That’s longer than any relationship you’ve had in the past ten years.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Listen, can I call you back? I gotta go.” He opened his apartment door for Steve and smiled apologetically, whispering “Just a second” at him.

Steve nodded with a smile and quietly said, “Hey.”

“You got a date?”

“In fact, I do. Bye, Rebecca.”

“Wait!” she called before Bucky could hang up. “Is Steve already there?”

“Yeah, he is, that’s why I need to go.”

“No no no, give him to me!”

“What? No.”

“Bucky!”

“No! Forget it.”

Steve raised a brow but Bucky just shook his head.

“Then ask him.”

“Ask him what?”

“If he’s gonna be your date for mom’s birthday. You can’t expect me to lie for you for your entire life, it’s not fair. Just bring him and tell her.”

There was no way he would discuss this with her while Steve was standing in his hallway, looking at him quizzically. “Goodbye, Rikki.” He ended the phone call and apologised to Steve.

“It’s fine. You hungry? I brought Chinese, didn’t feel like cooking.” Steve held up the bag with food and grinned. “If not, I don’t mind eating it all by myself.”

Bucky grinned and pulled Steve into his kitchen. “You’d love that, wouldn’t you?”

His phone buzzed with a message and he shot a quick glance at it. It was from Rebecca, urging to “ASK HIM OR SO HELP ME!!!” and Steve gave him another weird look when Bucky set his phone down on the dresser in the small hallway with a grumbled curse.

Steve had already unpacked the bag and opened up the boxes of takeout. “Do I wanna know?”

“Nope. Just my sister being annoying, as always.”

“Huh. So, I hope you like Chinese, I brought enough for four I guess ‘cause I couldn’t decide.”

Bucky grabbed two forks and flopped down next to Steve. “Chinese is great.”

“Good. Hope you’re gonna say the same about what I’ve planned for later,” Steve said and dug in.

“It better be when you make me leave the café early,” Bucky teased and stole a piece of fried chicken from Steve’s takeout box.

“C’mon, it’s only an hour, you said yourself that Natasha will be fine. And the new guy, what’s his name again…?”

“Scott.”

“Scott, right, he seems capable, too.”

“You’re right,” Bucky had to admit. He was more than relieved to finally have found a guy that wasn’t immediately intimidated by Natasha and who actually had some experience with waiting tables, even if he couldn’t bake. Bucky didn’t care that he was an ex-con, as long as the guy worked hard and was nice he didn’t have any reservations. It made Bucky’s life less stressful having another person working in his café and if everything worked out over the next couple of weeks he could even consider taking a whole day off during the week.

His mother would probably kill him if she knew that he had practically been working seven days a week for the past year, and an entire day off seemed like heaven.

“Stop thinking so much,” Steve said in between full forks of food and gently nudged Bucky’s shoulder with his own.

“Fine, you gonna tell me what we’re gonna do today?”

***

It turned out that Steve had decided it was the perfect weather to take the subway to Central Park and take a stroll even though it was freezing cold.

When Bucky voiced his doubts, already freezing after half an hour of walking through the park, Steve rolled his eyes good-naturedly.

“The sun is shining, it’s beautiful, stop whining,” he grinned but grabbed Bucky’s hands and rubbed them until they were warm again. With an arm around Bucky’s waist, he pulled him towards the water.

“It’ll be dark in like half an hour and then it’s gonna be even colder,” Bucky grumbled.

“Good thing I brought cocoa, then.”

Bucky raised a brow. “You what?”

“Why do you think I took a backpack with me?” Steve asked and stopped in front of a bench, setting his backpack down and pulling out a Thermos bottle. He unscrewed it and poured the steaming liquid into the cup to hand it to Bucky who took a sip from the cup and coughed. 

“Holy shit, Steve, what is this?”

Steve looked at him innocently. “Uh, cocoa. With a little bit of rum.”

“A little bit of rum? Don’t you mean hot rum disguised as cocoa?” He took another small sip. “Are you trying to get me drunk again?”

“No, I just wanted you to stay warm.”

“By poisoning me?” Bucky mocked.

Making grabby hands, Steve pouted, “You don’t have to drink it.”

“Nope, that’s mine now. Gotta find another way to stay warm.”

Steve snorted and grabbed Bucky’s hips, pulling him close and burying his ice cold nose in Bucky’s neck, making Bucky squeak. “Found one,” he grinned as Bucky tried to escape his grip.

“Steve, if you don’t stop I’m not gonna –”

The kiss that Steve pressed against Bucky’s lips shut him up effectively and Bucky melted into it. He was still getting used to Steve not caring about showing affection in public at all but he couldn’t say he minded it. (And he couldn’t deny loving the feeling of being kissed by Steve in public when teenage girls and women alike checked Steve out only to realise he was already taken. By Bucky.)

“Wanna sit down for a bit?” Steve mumbled and Bucky nodded, stealing another soft kiss.

They stayed huddled together on the bench for another few minutes, taking turns in sipping cocoa and trading slow kisses. When Bucky insisted he was going to freeze on if he didn’t get up immediately even Steve had to admit he was cold and they made their way back to Bucky’s place. Bucky stumbled into Steve once or twice as they drove back and Steve wrapped him up in his arms to steady him, teasing about Bucky being a lightweight.

Back at the apartment they took off their warm, heavy winter coats and Bucky laughed about how red Steve’s cheeks were from the cold. He went into the kitchen, filled the water kettle to make tea and then held his hands under the warm water, feeling the skin prickle and sting for the first few moments.

Steve was watching him from the doorway, the soft blanket from Bucky’s sofa around his shoulders. “C’mere,” he said and reached out his arms.

Bucky let himself be pulled against Steve and wrapped up in the blanket and slipped his still cold hands under Steve’s shirt.

“Revenge,” he grinned as Steve yelped and grabbed his wrists. “You gonna let me take off my sweater? I might get a heatstroke otherwise.”

“Fine.” Steve let go of him and Bucky took a step back to tug his sweater over his head. Only when he noticed Steve’s eyes flickering over his left arm did he realise he’d pulled his long-sleeved shirt halfway off as well. Instantly, he struggled to get his arm back into the sleeve and pulled it down, biting his lip and avoiding Steve’s eyes by turned to pour the boiling water into two cups.

“You don’t have to talk about it, Buck,” Steve said quietly. “It’s fine. I’m not gonna ask.”

Bucky let out a soft sigh of relief. Of course Steve wouldn’t ask, he was way too nice to urge Bucky to talk about something he was clearly not comfortable with. 

Stepping next to him, Steve took one of the cups and wrapped his other around Bucky’s shoulders. “Sofa, tea and cuddles?” he suggested and Bucky nodded thankfully, letting himself be steered onto his couch. Steve switched on some music and curled up next to him, resting his head on Bucky’s shoulder and occasionally pressing soft kisses to his neck and collar bone.

Bucky couldn’t help but feel like he owed Steve an apology, an explanation, anything to get rid of the silence between them. Still he couldn’t bring himself to tell Steve everything. He just wasn’t ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter because I'm procrastinating again. We're slowly getting somewhere with this, I promise! And I hope you like this one even with the suspense c:


	19. Chapter 19

Steve had been sitting at his usual table for the past couple of hours, drinking coffee and sketching, joined by Peggy for a while. He was waiting for Bucky to close the café so they could go to Tony’s bar together. Apparently it was Pepper’s birthday and Tony had invited Steve, telling him to bring Bucky.

“Our first official appearance as a couple,” Steve had joked when Bucky had agreed to come. “Gotta make sure you look good, we need Pepper’s approval.”

Bucky had raised a brow. “We do?”

“Yup. Every one of my friends loves her and they all listen to her, so you better impress her.”

“Way to reassure me, Rogers,” Bucky had mumbled.

“Aw c’mon, it’ll be great. She’ll love you, I’m sure. And you’ll finally get to meet Sam, too. He’ll be back in the city for Pepper’s birthday.”

“Are you sure you don’t wanna spend the evening in front of the TV?”

With an arm around Bucky’s waist, Steve had made puppy eyes at him. “Don’t be like that, Bucky. It’ll be fun. Plus I already got to know your friends, it’s about time you meet mine.”

“But Natasha works here and Clint is around a lot, too,” Bucky had protested, “it’s different than meeting all your friends at a party.”

“Yeah, but it’s Natasha we’re talking about. She’s intimidating and kinda scary.”

To be fair, Bucky couldn’t really argue with that, so here he was, anxiously wishing his last customers a good night and locking the door. Steve came up behind him and hugged him, resting his chin on Bucky’s shoulder.

“I know you’re nervous but you have no idea how happy you’re making me,” he murmured into Bucky’s ear. “And if it’s too much for you we can go home, okay?”

As much as he appreciated Steve’s concern, Bucky didn’t want him to treat him with kid gloves. He turned around in Steve’s arms and tried to smile reassuringly. “You said it yourself, it’ll be fine.”

Steve nodded and smiled back. “Right. Let’s get changed, hm?” He kissed Bucky briefly before tugging him towards the stairwell.

***

After Steve had approved of Bucky’s choice of clothes – or rather, told him he’d look amazing in anything and he needn’t worry, jeans and a button-down shirt were enough, there was no need to dress fancy – and changed into a fresh shirt, too, they made their way to Tony’s bar. They were greeted by loud music and an already drunk Tony, a beautiful strawberry blonde at his side who immediately kissed Steve’s cheeks, thanked him for coming and then turned to Bucky with a sincere smile.

“You must be Bucky,” she said before leaning in and kissing his cheeks as well. “It’s lovely to meet you.”

Bucky wasn’t quite sure what he stammered, he just knew that it certainly was not the most eloquent response and he quickly handed her the package with cookies (Steve had asked Tony for Pepper’s favourites and Bucky had done everything to make them perfect). Luckily Steve excused them and pulled Bucky further into the bar.

They were sipping on beers, listening to the music and watching the people around them, many of which even Steve didn’t know, when Steve suddenly stood up straight and waved someone near the door. A moment later a guy about their age made his way through the crowd and grinned at Steve and Bucky.

“Sam, so glad you made it!” he was greeted and pulled into a brief hug.

“Are you kidding? I wouldn’t miss this for the world. Plus Tony didn’t stop calling me every couple hours for days until I said I could make it,” Sam laughed.

Steve joined in, agreeing Tony would probably have hauled Sam back to New York in person, and made introductions.

“So, you’re the guy Steve wanted to impress so much that he literally begged me to give him my recipe?” Sam asked, a grin still on his face.

“I did not!” Steve protested but his blush told Bucky there might actually be something to Sam’s claim and he chuckled.

“I guess. Nice to meet you, Steve’s told me a lot about you.”

Shaking Bucky’s hand, Sam just smirked and replied, “Oh, I’m sure it’s not nearly as much as he’s told me about you.”

“Shut up,” Steve grumbled and tried to change the topic. “Anyone want another drink?”

“Sure, you go get some more beers, I’ll keep your boyfriend company. Get to know him a little better.”

With a warning look and a, “Don’t make me regret this, Sam,” Steve headed over to the open bar and left Bucky with Sam.

To his relief – and surprise, if he was being completely honest – Bucky and Sam got along great. Sam was funny, sarcastic and easy to talk to and Bucky could see why Steve liked him so much. And it was nice to talk to someone who had shared experience in the army; Sam even told him he was always welcome in his support group if he ever needed to talk to someone or just see he wasn’t alone. And for the first time since he’d come back Bucky thought he might actually consider it.

He didn’t even realise that they’d talked for over an hour until Steve came back, trailed kisses over his neck and up to his ear, causing Sam to make gagging noises, and whispered, “Dance with me? Please? I feel so left out.”

“You literally talked to pretty much everyone in this place,” Bucky replied with a grin.

“Just ‘cause you two were busy and I didn’t wanna interrupt. Please?”

“Fine. Sorry, Sam. Talk to you later?”

Sam nodded. “Sure, go. I know how annoying he can be when he wants something.”

Bucky laughed. “That’s true.”

“Hey! You’re supposed to be on my side, Buck!” Steve complained as he led him onto the improvised dancefloor.

It was a little awkward with Steve apologising every time he bumped into Bucky or stepped onto his feet and both lacking any sense of rhythm but mostly it was fun, and if they ended up dancing too close and much too slow to some ‘80s classic while making out in the middle of the dancefloor they honestly couldn’t care less.

***

Bucky woke up later than usual the next morning, happy that he could sleep in – or rather stay in bed – for once. Soft sunlight illuminated Steve’s bedroom and he rolled onto his side to find Steve still fast asleep, sighing quietly and hugging his pillow. He smiled and got comfortable, tracing the line of Steve’s jaw and his lips with his eyes. When he reached out a hand to run his fingers through tousled blond hair, Steve caught his wrist, pulled at Bucky and grumbled softly.

“Good morning to you, too,” Bucky whispered and scooted closer. He pressed a kiss to Steve’s temple and the hint of a smile lit Steve’s face.

For several minutes, Bucky just looked at Steve who still was more asleep than he was awake and caressed his cheek, watching his eyelids flutter occasionally.

“You gon’ stare at me all day?” Steve eventually rasped and Bucky grinned.

“Maybe. You’re way more interesting than any painting, y’know?”

Steve slowly opened one eye, blinked at Bucky and uttered a, “Pffff” before closing his eye again and nudging Bucky’s hand with his nose so Bucky would continue petting his cheek.

He wasn’t quite sure what brought the thought back, maybe it was the way Steve looked, all soft and sleepy and content, maybe it was the realisation that he wanted to wake up like this every morning. Without thinking twice, Bucky said, “Come to my ma’s birthday with me.”

“Huh?” Steve actually opened both eyes this time to blink at Bucky in confusion. “What?”

“My ma’s birthday next weekend,” he repeated. “Come with me.”

“Are you…? Really?”

There was no going back now. Bucky nodded. He didn’t even want to take it back, he realised and smiled softly. “Yes.”

Rubbing his eyes, Steve sat up and looked at Bucky. “As your boyfriend or…?”

Right, there was still that tiny little detail. But Rebecca was right, it was about damn time he told his mother he liked guys. “I, uh… I guess? If you want?” Bucky asked, actually more concerned about pressuring Steve into something he didn’t want.

“I’d love to, Bucky, I swear. It’s just… You know you’re gonna have to tell your ma who I am, right?”

“I know.”

Steve took Bucky’s hands. “Are you sure you’re ready to tell her you’re gay?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know. Maybe… I mean, she’s my ma, she has a right to know, right? She’s not gonna freak out, right?” Bucky shrugged helplessly and bit his lip.

“Of course not, Buck. It’ll be fine, and you’ll feel much better after you told her,” Steve reassured him.

Bucky met Steve’s eyes and took a deep breath. “I wanna decide when I tell her, though. Is… is that okay with you?”

“Sure, that’s fine.” With a smile, Steve leaned in to kiss Bucky’s forehead. “I’m proud of you, y’know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who's procrastinating like a pro again! Nothing else is working atm so I need some cute fluffy Steve and Bucky and a little progress. I could probably hand this fic in as a thesis with how long this has become. My advisor is gonna kill me. BUT CUTE DORKS BEING IN LOVE and I can't help it.


	20. Chapter 20

Bucky was in the kitchen, decorating yet another batch of cookies – he couldn’t even say how many cookie sheets he’d baked today, he had barely left the kitchen yet. Stress baking, Natasha had already noted, but he hadn’t bothered to comment on it.

Truth be told, the fact he was about to come out to his mother in only a few short days after twenty-eight years scared the hell out of him so he did everything he could not to think about it too much, meaning he buried himself in work. He hadn’t even had the guts yet to call and ask her whether it was fine if he brought someone over the long weekend. Not that he actually thought she’d say no but he was scared she might suspect something and ask too many questions before he even arrived in Indiana. And there was no way he’d come out to her over the phone.

“A little bird told me you’re gonna take Steve to your mom’s birthday as your date,” Natasha said as she came into the kitchen in the late afternoon.

Rolling his eyes, Bucky deadpanned, “Has Clint started spying on me now, too?”

Natasha crossed her arms and eyed him. “Ha ha, you’re hilarious. So, is it true?”

“Why don’t you ask your little bird?” When Natasha just glared at him, Bucky sighed and said, “Yeah, I guess he’s coming with me. Can we stop making a big deal out of this?”

For the first time since he’d gotten to know Natasha she actually looked incredulous. “Are you kidding? James, this _is_ a big deal. I mean, you’re gonna tell your ma you’re gay, aren’t you?”

“You’re gay?” Scott who was just passing by the kitchen asked with surprise.

Natasha snorted. “Uh… Have you been working here at all for the last two weeks? How can you not have noticed Steve being all over Bucky and their eyefucking when Bucky’s behind the counter?!”

“We’re not eyefucking!” Bucky protested at the same time as Scott asked, “Steve? Is that the beefy blond guy?”

“I’m surrounded by morons…” Natasha huffed, shaking her head. “Tell me how it goes, Barnes. And if you need someone to verbally kick your ass to tell her… call me anytime.”

“What would I do without you?” Bucky grumbled. “Now get out of my kitchen, you’re supposed to be working and not giving me advice I never asked for.”

Scott caught the door that was about to fall closed behind Natasha who wordlessly left the kitchen – not without a satisfied smirk, though – and he just looked at Bucky instead of leaving. “Wait a minute, that blond guy really is your boyfriend?”

“Do you have a problem with that?” He didn’t mean to sound this harsh but dealing with something other than the phone call he had yet to make definitely wasn’t a thing he wanted to do. He had promised Steve he’d do it today so they could figure everything out in time – like how to get to Indiana, for starters. Bucky hated making plans.

“Absolutely not.” Scott shook his head. “I get it. He’s hot, I guess.”

Bucky wasn’t sure what made him say it (pride, probably, even if he still couldn’t quite believe someone like Steve wanted to be with him) but he replied, “And he’s mine. Now go, seriously, I’m busy.”

To his surprise Steve stuck his head into the kitchen just that moment. Scott flinched, muttered a “Where’d you come from?!” and made his way back into the café without even waiting for an answer.

“What’s yours?” Steve asked curiously as he closed the door behind him.

“You,” Bucky said, going for nonchalant.

Crossing the space between them, Steve grinned. “That so?” He stopped inches from Bucky’s face, resting his hands on the kitchen counter behind Bucky and caging him in with his body.

Bucky didn’t reply but instead grabbed the lapels of Steve’s jacket and pulled him into a deep kiss. A shiver ran down his spine when Steve groaned into his mouth involuntarily.

“Well, I guess I am yours after all,” Steve mumbled against his lips when he had to catch a breath. “Not that I wanna complain, Buck, really, but this actually isn’t why I came by.”

“Oh?” Bucky asked and leaned in to nip at Steve’s jaw.

“Thought you might need some emotional support for the call.” Closing his eyes and leaning his head back to give Bucky better access, Steve ran his hands up Bucky’s sides and over his chest to cup his face. “Although that seems kinda unimportant at the moment if I’m being honest here.”

With a last kiss to Steve’s neck, Bucky buried his face in the crook of Steve’s shoulder. “No, you’re right. I should call her.”

Steve’s arms wrapped around Bucky. “How ‘bout this? You call her now and we continue this after work?”

Bucky’s voice was muffled when he grumbled, “Do I have to?”

“If you want me to be there I’m afraid you’ll have to tell your ma, yeah. You can do it, Buck. I could stay with you while you make the call.”

With a sigh, Bucky leaned back and rubbed a hand over his face. “No… No, I’ll do it alone. Would you stay here, though? I’ll be right back.”

“Sure. Take your time. It’s just about telling her you’re gonna be bringing a friend, right?”

Bucky nodded. It was no big deal, he could do that. After another soft kiss he quickly told Natasha he’d take a break, ignoring her suggestive grin, and took the stairs to his apartment so he could make the call without anyone interrupting him.

His mother picked up after the seventh ring and Bucky almost wished she hadn’t taken the call.

“Hey, ma. How are the preparations going?” He tried to sound cheerful but was almost certain he failed.

Winifred didn’t seem to notice though. “Hello, James, it’s so nice of you to call! It’s fine, your sister is a great help and we have everything under control – except for grandpa, probably, but you know him. Is there a particular reason you’re calling, honey? Only I’m in the middle of something right now.”

“Oh, um, yeah, I’ll make it short.” Bucky played with a strand of his hair nervously. He could do it, he could do it, he could… “I… I just wanted to know whether… you wanted me to bring anything? Cookies maybe?” Great. Not what he’d wanted to ask.

“No, it’s fine, I think we’ll have plenty of food. No need to work even more than you already do.”

“Are you sure? It’s your fiftieth birthday, after all.”

His mother laughed. “Don’t remind me. It’s really not necessary, sweetheart.”

“If you say so… ” There was a pause, as if his mother knew there was something else. Taking a deep breath Bucky tried to steady his voice. He had to do it. “Ma, I was wondering if maybe I could… bring a friend?”

“A friend?” Winifred asked after a beat of silence. “I thought Natasha is working while you’re here?”

“Natasha isn’t my only friend, y’know.”

“Oh, of course not. I just didn’t know there was someone else you’d like to bring. Who is it?”

“His name’s Steve.” Bucky bit his lip, praying his mother wouldn’t ask any more questions.

“Steve? I don’t think you’ve ever told me about him. But sure, bring him, it’ll be nice to have some new faces there.”

“Great. Thanks, ma.” He was more than eager to end this conversation, so he added, “I’m not gonna bother you any longer. See you on Friday, okay?”

“Alright. I’ll make the guest room ready for your friend.”

“Perfect, thank you,” Bucky mumbled. “Love you, ma. Bye.”

“Goodbye, honey." 

When Bucky came back downstairs, Steve was already waiting for him. “How was it?”

“Good, I think… She was pretty surprised but immediately said I can take you with me. You’re even getting your own room.”

Steve intertwined their fingers and kissed Bucky’s knuckles. “Does that mean you expect me to sneak into your room at night when everyone’s asleep so we can make out?”

Bucky couldn’t help but laugh at the almost hopeful look on Steve’s face. “If you want to, go ahead.”

***

That evening, after Bucky had closed the café, they had cooked together. They were sitting in front of the TV after dinner, watching something Bucky wasn’t paying attention to at all, and Steve’s fingers lazily ran through Bucky’s hair.

Even with the fact he was about to have to face one of his biggest fears (maybe it was a tiny bit ridiculous calling coming out to his ma that, but damn, he honestly didn’t know what he would do if she rejected him) he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this content. Just being with Steve, even binge watching some weird TV show he’d never heard of before but that made Steve laugh, actually made him happy. When he fell asleep next to him he felt safe and even though the nightmares still plagued him almost every night Steve was there and going to bed knowing he’d hold Bucky and whisper sweet nothings to him or even answer the phone in the middle of the night and stay on the line until they both were asleep again when they weren’t staying at one of their places was a little easier.

The buzzing of his phone interrupted Bucky’s train of thought and he leaned over Steve with a grunt as his mobile vibrated two more times. _Rebecca_ , his screen read. He’d been expecting her to text or call the whole evening.

**_Just got home. You’re bringing Steve??_ **

**_As a “_ ** **friend” _????_**

**_What the hell is going on Bucky???_ **

Still lying half on top of Steve who didn’t seem to mind at all, Bucky quickly typed a reply.

_I can’t exactly tell her I’m gay over the phone. I’ll tell her he’s my boyfriend when we’re there_

**_You better!_ **

**_Also tell Steve I already love him._ **

He showed the last message to Steve who grinned. “Uh… thanks?”

_He says thanks. Just don’t say anything, please. I wanna do it on my terms_

**_Kay_ **

**_Proud of u_ **

“I take it I already have your sister’s blessing?” Steve asked when Bucky sat back down and snuggled into his side.

Bucky shrugged, mumbling something that could pass as “Looks like it” and closed his eyes. It had been an exhausting day and he was worn out so it took his brain a few moments to catch up with what Steve said next.

“Y’know, I think I remember something about continuing what we started in the kitchen…” he murmured, pressing kisses into Bucky’s hair and running his hand down Bucky’s back.

A soft, tired smile spread over Bucky’s face. “Oh really? Remind me what exactly we were doing again?”

Steve shifted, took a hold of Bucky’s hips and pulled him until he was almost lying on the sofa that was definitely too small for one grown man to lie down, let alone two. Apparently, Steve didn’t care at all as he straddled Bucky’s hips and leaned down to kiss him, deep and downright filthy.

This was something Bucky couldn’t get enough of, Steve’s kisses, his weight on top of him and Steve’s fingers in his hair or running over the skin above the waistband of his jeans. When those fingers suddenly dipped below the fabric, Bucky gasped.

He honestly hadn’t seen that coming.

“You alright?” Steve whispered between open-mouthed kisses and Bucky nodded instantly.

Steve pulled away a few inches to look at Bucky, his fingers still curled into the waistband. “If this is going too fast for you tell me, okay? Or just… if you want me to stop at any point.”

Bucky almost laughed at that. They’d been dating for about a month now, Steve would meet his family in only a few days and they still hadn’t done more than making out – not that Bucky minded, because one, Steve was an amazing kisser and two, he still was too self-conscious and anxious to let Steve see him shirtless. He had a feeling Steve had picked up on his anxiety and wanted to let Bucky set the pace, and his constant reminders that it was okay if Bucky wanted to take things slow were just so… so _Steve_ that Bucky was actually surprised that Steve even suggested taking it a little further.

With any other guy, Bucky would have expected them to make their move much sooner. But Steve definitely wasn’t any other guy.

“’s fine,” he reassured him, ignoring the fluttering in his chest.

“Good.” Steve started kissing him again, trailed his lips down Bucky’s neck and ghosted kisses over his collarbones as he undid Bucky’s belt and unbuttoned his jeans, and shit, the things that did to Bucky…

With one hand in Steve’s hair, Bucky took a shaky breath and gently tugged until their faces were level again and he could press his lips against Steve’s in a needy kiss. He gasped again when Steve’s hand slipped into his boxers.

It had been so long since he’d last had anyone’s hands on him but his own, so long since someone had taken the time to figure out what had him writhe and pant. Still, it didn’t take Steve long to make him come undone, and Bucky did so with Steve’s name on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started writing earlier this evening I was pissed and disappointed and generally in a terrible mood. Writing (and listening to loud, angry music) really helped me calm down and it just made me smile again. And it took me in quite a different direction than intended (and expected, tbh...) - I blame the need to write something a little different today on me trying to distract myself. The point of my rambling is, I hope you guys had a nice weekend and that this chapter - and hopefully this fic in general - maybe manages to brighten your day or night or whatever a little bit and perhaps even puts a smile on your faces because this is one of the main reasons for me to write ♥


	21. Chapter 21

At four on the dot, Bucky’s alarm went off and he quickly shut it off, hoping it hadn’t woken Steve who was spooning him once again. When he tried to crawl out of the cocoon of blankets, Steve mumbled something incomprehensible and pulled him back against his body.

“Steve, I gotta get up,” Bucky reminded him softly as he turned in Steve’s arms and kissed his nose. “You just sleep a few more hours, okay? I’ll be in the kitchen and we can have breakfast together when you get up.”

All he got in response was a head-shaking and a “Mh-mh” as Steve buried his face in Bucky’s chest. For a few moments, Bucky allowed himself to relish the feeling of Steve wrapped around him and the warmth and comfort it offered. When one of Steve’s hands slid beneath Bucky’s shirt, ran over his abs and then curled into the waistband of his pyjamas Bucky couldn’t help but snuggle closer as last night’s events replayed in his mind.

He still couldn’t quite believe what had happened, that someone still wanted him like this and didn’t even expect him to repay him – because of course Steve had insisted he should never feel obligated to do anything unless he was absolutely positive he was ready and okay with it. Bucky had kissed him hard and long, not even bothering to catch his breath after he’d come and licking into Steve’s mouth until he moaned. Somehow he had eventually managed to flip them so Steve was sitting on the sofa with Bucky in his lap, fumbling at Steve’s zipper and shutting up his “Are you sure? Buck, I don’t want you to think you gotta…” by kissing him again passionately. 

He had ended up on the ground, kneeling between Steve’s legs as Steve was panting above him, hands cupping Bucky’s face and tangled in his hair while he was mumbling praising words between groans and little whimpers that spurred Bucky on even more. God, he had almost forgotten how amazing it felt to please someone and slowly take them apart in the best way, and the soft noises Steve had made had him going crazy.

Cursing his body’s reaction at the memory, Bucky shifted in Steve’s arms and peeked at his alarm over Steve’s shoulder. Much to his regret, there was no time for another round and he knew Steve would immediately be able to persuade him when he noticed Bucky was hard so he had to leave the bed, and soon. There probably was barely anything that Steve couldn’t talk him into. “Steve, I really need to get up now,” he whispered into Steve’s hair and gently untangled from him.

“Bucky nooo…” Steve whined and tried to pull him back into his embrace.

“Bucky yes,” he smiled and kissed Steve quickly, managing to avoid his boyfriend grabbing him and pulling him into be again. “I’ll see you for breakfast.”

Steve continued to grumble and mutter things Bucky didn’t quite catch while he grabbed a change of clean clothes from his closet, ruffled Steve’s hair affectionately and then disappeared into the bathroom.

He had just stepped into the shower when he heard soft footsteps stopping in front of the door. “Bucky?” Steve’s voice was still heavy with sleep. “Can I come in?”

“I’ll be out in two minutes, can it wait?”

“No. Wanna shower with you. Please?”

Biting his lip, Bucky feverishly tried to come up with something to say, some kind of excuse, even though he knew it was ridiculous. If he said he didn’t want him to come in Steve wouldn’t be mad but Bucky didn’t want to disappoint him. Then again he was afraid to let Steve see him like this. It wasn’t so much about being naked as –

The bathroom door opened a crack. “Buck? ‘s cold in bed without you an’ I can’t go back to sleep anyway… Please? I’m not even gonna look.”

Bucky couldn’t help but smile softly. Of course Steve knew why he was so hesitant. “Fine, get in,” he sighed and the door opened fully. He could hear Steve undressing and a moment later the shower curtain was pulled aside and Steve joined him, still barely able to keep his eyes open and purposely looking anywhere but at Bucky’s arm.

Switching on the water and avoiding the first cold spray, Bucky asked, “Why’d you even get up?”

“The bed’s cold ‘n boring without you,” Steve grumbled and leaned against Bucky. “And I missed you.”

“You’re such a punk,” Bucky muttered but smiled.

Steve took a hold of Bucky’s chin and tipped his face up so he could kiss him. “No. I’m your punk.”

With a hand on the back of Steve’s neck, Bucky kissed him back and pulled him underneath the warm water. Steve used the opportunity to press his body against Bucky’s and Bucky could feel that he was half hard, too.

“Turn around, I wanna wash your hair,” Steve mumbled into Bucky’s ear.

Bucky didn’t need to be told twice and he closed his eyes as Steve’s hands ran through his hair, carefully untangling a few strands before he grabbed the shampoo. Steve’s fingers soon went from Bucky’s hair to his shoulders and slid down Bucky’s chest and stomach as Steve pressed kisses to the side of his neck. When his lips ghosted down his shoulder and over the skin of Bucky’s left arm Bucky flinched.

“I’m not looking, promise,” Steve whispered, barely audible over the rushing of the water, gently holding Bucky back from cringing away. Indeed, his eyes were still closed, but Bucky still couldn’t relax, and Steve leaned up to kiss Bucky’s cheek instead. Bucky let out a slow breath.

Before his time in the army, he hadn’t been ashamed of his body, but now he didn’t want anyone to see him shirtless. It was a reminder of his last mission, his entire left arm forever scarred and he had yet to deal with what had happened. 

***

The following evening, Bucky rang Steve’s doorbell anxiously. “Steve, you need to come with me,” he said as soon as he could hear him over the intercom.

“Bucky? What’s wrong?”

“Just come down. Or no, let me in first.” As soon as the door buzzed, Bucky pushed it open and hurried up the stairs to Steve’s apartment. Taking the staircase to the fifth floor was getting a little easier every time he dropped by, and when he reached Steve’s door he immediately pushed past Steve.

“Hello to you, too,” Steve said, half amused, half worried. “What’s going on?”

Bucky paced restlessly through Steve’s living room. “Get dressed, I need you to come with me.”

Catching him by his shoulders, Steve stopped Bucky and said, “Buck, hey, look at me. What is it?”

“My ma called earlier, pretending to just casually ask how I was doing and when exactly we’ll arrive and why she’s never heard of you before and stuff, and I almost let it slip that we’re together and I can’t think about having to come out to her right now so you and I are going out. I need distraction, Steve, please. Nat is just telling me to grow some ovaries and that’s not helping at all.”

“Alright, what do you have in mind?”

Breaking away from Steve to start pacing again, Bucky replied, “You’ll see. Get your scarf.”

“Seriously?” Steve raised a brow.

“What? Think you’re the only one who can keep date plans a secret?”

“So it’s a date?” He grinned. “Well then you better planned something great.”

“Yes,” Bucky rolled his eyes. “Now get dressed. And put on something warm.”

No ten minutes later they were on the subway with dozens of other people, silently watching the stations passing by. After being urged to “dress appropriately for this fucking weather, goddammit, you’re gonna freeze your ass of one day,” Steve had bundled up, not without complaining that now they both looked like giant snowmen. Bucky had just rolled his eyes and practically dragged him out of the house.

The conversation with his mother had unsettled him again. He couldn’t shake the feeling more had been left unsaid than they had actually talked and that something wasn’t right. Sure, he had been hiding his sexuality from his mother for more than a decade but he had never outright lied to her and he felt terrible about it.

“You okay?” Steve asked, realising that Bucky was lost in though again, and hugged him close.

“No,” Bucky admitted. “I don’t know how the hell I’m supposed to tell her. And my whole family is gonna be there. What if this goes horribly wrong?”

“It won’t, Buck, I promise.”

Desperately needing something else to think about, Bucky hid his face in Steve’s neck and asked, “How was your day?”

“Well, I woke up all alone because my boyfriend insisted he had to stay at his place and would have to get up even earlier than usual which was pretty sad,” Steve teased. “Then I started a new painting – a commission I’m really excited about, I have to show it to you soon – and for lunch I went to get those amazing sandwiches from this cute little place and I saw my boyfriend again, I was really excited about that ‘cause he’s amazing. I’d introduce you two but he’s always so busy and I like having you to myself, y’know.”

Bucky grinned and pressed closer against Steve. “You’re an idiot. Tell me about that commission.”

And Steve did, talking about this somewhat strange but sweet old man who wanted Steve to paint a portrait of his granddaughter for her birthday – life-sized and as a superhero. Apparently, the little girl was totally into superheroes and convinced she would one day become one, too. 

“You should’ve seen him talk about her, it was adorable,” Steve said.

“I bet. Oh, shit, we gotta get out, c’mon.” Pulling Steve with him, Bucky headed towards the doors and only then did Steve notice where they were.

“Hey, you know we already had a date in Central Park. And you complained that you were freezing after fifteen minutes.”

“Yeah, well, I have other plans than just taking a walk. You ever been ice skating before?”

Steve’s eyes widened. “Are you serious? You wanna see me crash and burn or accidentally kill someone?”

Laughing, Bucky dragged Steve on and into the park towards the ice rink. “Aw, it won’t be that bad. I’ll teach you. And I’ll make sure you won’t hurt anyone, including yourself.”

Steve was convinced he would regret giving in to Bucky as they rented skates and changed into them. He already started thinking it was a horrible idea it when he teetered after Bucky and carefully set a foot on the ice.

“C’mon, I’ll catch you if you slip,” Bucky promised and took Steve’s hands, gently pulling him onto the rink. He held on to him the whole time and took baby steps, guiding Steve to the boards so he could cling onto them.

No five feet further, Steve lost his balance and started flailing about, letting out an embarrassing squeak as he threw himself forward and wrapped his arms around Bucky’s waist so he wouldn’t fall. Bucky did his best not to laugh as Steve pouted up at him, grumbling that he sucked at ice skating and he certainly would hurt himself. Not paying any mind to Steve’s threats and excuses, Bucky slowly but steadily helped Steve stagger over the ice. 

With the patience of a saint and full concentration and dedication, Bucky eventually persuaded Steve to let go of the boards and skate around the rink with him. He never let go of his hand and Steve only almost ran into someone once, avoiding a collision in the last second but Bucky wouldn’t let him give up just yet. 

When they took a break over an hour later, leaning against the boards together, holding hands and staring up at the skyscrapers in front of the night sky, Bucky sighed contentedly. “Thank you for doing this,” he smiled and pecked Steve’s cheek. “You really made my day.”

“Once you’ve figured out how to stand up and move without constantly falling this isn’t so bad,” Steve admitted and blushed softly.

Bucky let go of his hand and moved to stand in front of Steve, pushing him back against the boards and wrapping his arms around Steve’s neck to kiss him. “And you haven’t even killed anyone yet! You rock!”

“Shut up,” Steve grumbled, burying his hands in the back pockets of Bucky’s jeans and pulling him into another kiss. If going ice skating meant he got to make out with his boyfriend in public with a breath-taking setting Steve might actually consider doing this more often.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially, I only wanted to write the first part of this and make it a short chapter. But guess who was so upset after the latest Sweet/Vicious episode that they needed some fluff and stayed up way longer than intended... (I regret nothing. Except for listening to German music while editing this because damn that makes it a lot harder.) I also have no clue if the ice rink in Central Park will even still be open in early February where this chapter is set so please excuse me if I got this wrong.  
> Lastly I need to make a big shout out to Kelly who patiently helps me out every time I'm stuck on a story and had the cute idea of Steve and Bucky going ice skating like we did the last time we saw each other :) Thank you so much for everything ♥


	22. Chapter 22

On Friday morning, Steve picked up Bucky from the café where Bucky had already been working and instructing Natasha and Scott for several hours. When he wouldn’t leave without five more minutes of reminders and instructions, Steve grabbed his hand and tugged him out the door with a “Sorry, have fun, I’ll take care of him. C’mon, Buck.”

“But I still need to –” Bucky tried to protest but Steve interrupted him.

“No you don’t. They’re responsible adults, they can handle this. Now help me get our stuff to the cab.”

Grumbling to himself, Bucky grabbed the closest bag and huffed as he lifted it off the ground with some difficulty. “Steve, we’re going there over the weekend. We’re literally flying home on Monday. Why on earth do you need luggage that weighs a ton plus a backpack?! Does this even conform to the guidelines?”

“Why on earth did you bake enough to feed an entire army? The café’s only open today and tomorrow,” Steve retorted with a grin. “Besides, I like being prepared. And I’m sure this will be fine.”

“What did you even pack?! Bricks?”

Steve rolled his eyes and helped the cab driver load up the trunk. “Don’t make such a fuss, it ain’t that heavy.”

“Yeah, right…” Opening the door for Steve Bucky shook his head but he smiled tiredly.

The way to the airport was mostly quiet, Bucky was lost deep in thought and Steve stared out the window and let him be, only stroking his thumb over the back of Bucky’s hand to reassure him wordlessly. He knew this was anything but easy for Bucky, knew he had barely slept at all that night because he’d texted him every half hour or so, apologising and saying he hadn’t wanted to wake Steve but he just needed someone to ramble to and eventually Steve had called him and stayed on the phone until Bucky had said he needed to start working.

It wasn’t like Steve really worried that Winifred Barnes wouldn’t accept her son anymore when he told her he was gay, not with the way Bucky talked about her and the stories he’d shared about his childhood and the rest of his family, but he understood how terrifying it could be nonetheless. Especially when you had kept it a secret for as many years as Bucky had. Still he was confident Bucky’s mother wouldn’t care whether he was straight or not, and apparently Rebecca shared the same opinion. It was just so hard to convince Bucky it would be fine, he just couldn’t let go of his doubts and constantly came up with new ‘what ifs’.

Finally, Steve couldn’t take the silence anymore. “How are you feeling?” he asked quietly.

Bucky shrugged and squeezed Steve’s hand tightly. “I don’t know if this was a good idea.”

“’course it was. It’s gonna be fine, I’m sure. You’ll see.”

“We can still go back and pretend there was an emergency in the café,” Bucky tried to joke but failed miserably. He was already on edge, and they weren’t even out of New York yet. This was going to be a long weekend.

“You can do this,” Steve said and kissed Bucky’s temple. “And you’re gonna feel so much better afterwards.”

Well, that was exactly the part Bucky wasn’t so sure about.

***

To his own surprise and Steve’s relief, Bucky had fallen asleep twenty minutes into the flight, completely exhausted from his lack of sleep and the amount of work he’d done before they had left. Steve let him sleep with his head on Steve’s shoulder and eventually started reading the book he’d taken with him.

The pilot had already announced that they were on approach when Bucky flinched awake and blinked at Steve for a few seconds, completely disoriented. When he realised where he was he stared at Steve with panic in his eyes.

“I need to get out.”

Raising a brow and setting his book aside, Steve asked, “What?” 

“Out. I need to get out. Steve, I can’t do this.”

“Buck, we’re on a plane, you can’t just get out. Plus, we’re gonna land in about five minutes, I think you can manage that.”

“I can’t do this. My whole family’s gonna be there. My grandma’s gonna get a heart-attack when she finds out I like dick!”

A lady in the row in front of them turned around and glared at them, snapping, “There are children on this plane!”

Too upset to pay any attention to her, Bucky just kept rambling but Steve gently put a hand over Bucky’s mouth. Leaning in, he assured him, “Your grandma will be fine.”

Bucky immediately started again as Steve pulled his hand away and instead cupped his cheek. “What if they hate me? Steve, this was a horrible idea. I can’t tell my family.”

“Breathe, Buck, breathe. C’mon, look at me. You’re okay. Everything will be alright. Rebecca completely supports you, your family loves you and I’m with you, too. It’ll be fine, I promise. I’m sure your sister will say the same thing. She’s gonna pick us up, right?”

Taking deep breaths, Bucky nodded and closed his eyes. “I’m gonna be sick.”

Steve leaned forward again and pressed soft kisses to Bucky’s lips. “You can do this. I know it.”

The plane started swaying a little and they could see the airport in the distance. “You never told me how you came out to your mom,” Bucky noted in a small voice.

Steve snorted a laugh. “Uh… you really wanna know?”

“Yeah.”

“Technically, I didn’t really come out to her. She kinda walked in on me while I was on my knees in front of some guy…”

For a moment, all Bucky could do was gape at his boyfriend in disbelief. “No!” 

“I swear. She took it quite well after the first shock, though. Just said she wished I would’ve told her instead of having to find out by catching me blowing some guy twice my size.” Steve chuckled and his cheeks flushed pink at the memory. “That was back when I was still tiny. Dunno what she thought that first moment. It was so embarrassing.”

“I would’ve died.”

“Well, lucky for you, you’ll be able to come out on your terms,” Steve smiled. “I’m not gonna let them catch us in any compromising position until after.”

“Steve!” Bucky hissed when the woman in front of them glowered at the two again.

“I’m kidding. Still gonna sneak into your bedroom tonight, though.” And just to piss off the woman even more, Steve kissed Bucky deeply as the plane landed.

***

They had barely set foot into the arrivals hall when someone small and squealing flung themselves at Bucky, almost knocking him over. He just laughed and wrapped his arms around his sister. “Aww, so much for you don’t miss me at all and are glad I don’t live at home anymore.”

“Shut up,” Rebecca grumbled and shoved him away. The huge smile on her face gave her away, though. “’s just so boring without you.”

“Well then I’ll make sure I’ll annoy the hell out of you this weekend. After all, that’s what big brothers are for.”

But she wasn’t even listening to him anymore, instead she eyed Steve who smiled at her almost shyly and stretched out his hand. “Hi. I’m Steve.”

Rebecca ignored the proffered hand and pulled Steve into an almost bone-crushing hug as well, with a strength Steve hadn’t expected, given her stature. “It’s so nice to meet you! Y’know, you’re literally the first person Bucky’s ever brought home. Well, except for Nat, but she doesn’t count. Bucky, you have to keep him. He’s stunning.”

“If you continue besieging him like this he’ll be gone in no time,” Bucky muttered and grabbed Steve’s arm, pulling him away from his sister and intertwining their fingers. “Just ignore her.”

“Well, her compliments are definitely better than yours,” Steve teased and Rebecca laughed.

“Okay, c’mon guys, let’s go home. I can’t wait for mom to meet you, Steve! She’ll adore you.”

Bucky immediately grew pale again and Steve had to pull him towards the car. He could’ve sworn he’d never been this anxious in his entire life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter 'cause I'm tired and I've already done a whole lot of writing for my thesis this weekend but I hope you'll like it anyway :)  
> It's slowly getting exciting!


	23. Chapter 23

The drive from the airport to Bucky’s childhood home passed in a blur of Rebecca talking, bombarding Steve with questions and Bucky intervening from time to time when he had the feeling Steve needed a break. Steve insisted he didn’t mind the interrogation and beamed at Rebecca the entire time, practically radiating excitement.

Eventually, the conversation shifted to the café and then to Rebecca’s personal life as Bucky tried to catch up with the most important news. Their phone calls that took longer than a couple of minutes were rare and since Rebecca had started college a lot had changed. He felt a little bad about missing out on so much, especially when she started to fill him in on all the gossip about all her friends and the people he used to hang out with back before the army.

It had been over a year since he’d last seen his family, had been back here, and in this moment his anticipation was even bigger than the anxiety. He couldn’t wait to see his mother and only when Rebecca finally asked him how he planned to come out to her did he feel the knot in his stomach again.

“I don’t know,” he confessed. “Guess I’m gonna wait for the right moment… Whenever that is.”

Glancing in the rear-view mirror, Rebecca nodded seriously. “Good. You know mom’s gonna love and support you no matter what, right? She’s not gonna be upset. And we’re all there for you.”

Next to him, Steve smiled and squeezed his hand as if to say ‘I told you so’.

“Plus, you can’t possibly think she’d be anything but thrilled when she sees how happy you are. You two are just too adorable,” she remarked with a grin.

Bucky smiled softly. “No hints or anything, though, okay? I just… I have to tell her myself.”

“Of course. My lips are sealed. Even though with all the stress she probably wouldn’t notice anything anyway.”

“That bad, huh?” Knowing his mother, she wasn’t far from a heart attack with her need to make everything as perfect as possible, even if she didn’t want to admit it.

Rolling her eyes as she pulled off the interstate, Rebecca replied. “Worse. I hope she’ll relax a bit when you’re there, though, she’s so excited to finally see you again. It’s been way too long, Bucky.”

“I know. ‘m sorry.” Bucky bit his lip and stared out the window at the familiar scenery passing by. He hadn’t been able to stand the pity and being treated with kid gloves after the accident for more than the few months it had taken to physically recover, so he’d moved to New York. There, he’d been so busy opening his café and working until he was exhausted every single day that he hadn’t come home to visit even once.

It was another thing he’d have to face, his ma mothering him for the next days and asking him how he was doing, whether his arm hurt again, if he still had nightmares, when he would finally agree to see a therapist… Bucky knew she meant well but knowing that Steve would be around to hear all those questions didn’t make it any easier. At least he could tell her he was thinking about joining Sam’s self-help group, maybe it would get her to worry a little less.

He perked up again when his sister pulled into their driveway and Steve gently nudged his side.

“This is nice,” he commented as he took in Bucky’s childhood home.

It was a two storey house with a big garden on the outskirts of Shelbyville, spacious enough to hold the entire extended family and his mother’s friends that would come to celebrate on Sunday. Before they could even unbuckle their seatbelts the red front door flew open and Winifred rushed down the stairs.

Bucky quickly got out of the car and was immediately pulled into a bear hug by his mother. “It’s so good to see you, honey! We’ve missed you so much! How are you? How was the flight? Are you hungry? And oh, is this your friend?”

“Hey ma, I’ve missed you, too,” he chuckled and kissed her cheek. “I’m good, slept through most of the flight, you know I’m always hungry and no, we just happened to pick up a total stranger who looked a bit lost.”

“Don’t get cheeky, James,” Winifred said with a smile as she let go of him to eye Steve who had walked around the car to introduce himself.

For the second time that day, he had his hand ignored and was pulled into an embrace instead. “It’s always so nice to meet my boy’s friends!”

Steve’s face lit up at the warm welcome. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, too, ma’am.”

“Oh no, you just call me Winnie, dear. Are you hungry? I made lunch.”

“I won’t say no to lunch,” Steve smiled.

Winifred told Bucky to get their bags into the house and show Steve his room before they came down to eat. Following Bucky with his own luggage, Steve looked around the house, taking everything in as Bucky led him up the stairs.

“Your room is here on the left, mine’s the one on the other side,” he explained and opened the door for Steve. “Make yourself at home.”

Steve nodded and set his bags down next to the bed while Bucky went to his own room. Nothing had changed since he’d left for New York a year earlier. Before that, he’d taken down the posters that had still hung on the walls from his teenage years. During his time in the army, he’d barely been home so when he had gotten back the first thing he’d done was rearrange his bedroom so it didn’t look like back in the day. He hadn’t been able to stand the memories of happier days the posters and colourful decoration had held.

A knock on the door brought him back to the here and now. Steve poked his head into the room and smiled at him. “Can I come in?”

“Sure.” Smiling back, Bucky pushed a strand of hair behind his ear.

Steve closed the door behind him and eyed Bucky’s bedroom. “This place is really great,” he said and laid his hands on Bucky’s hips to pull him close. “’s gonna be hard to keep my hands off of you for now, though.”

“I know. Thanks for having patience. I’m gonna try to talk to her later, okay? Didn’t wanna tell her in passing and lunch might not be the right time ‘cause knowing my ma half the neighbourhood is here.”

“I get it, Buck. Take your time. It’s fine.”

Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck and pulled him in for a brief kiss. “Guess we should go downstairs,” he mumbled and tried to brace himself for the onslaught of questions and comments that surely were waiting for him.

Just as expected, several neighbours that had known Bucky since he was a little kid were sitting around the dining table, welcoming him back. Of course they were “here to help your ma” but he knew it was just an excuse to poke their noses into his business. Apparently Bucky coming home from the big city over the weekend was the most exciting thing that had happened in quite a while around here. 

Trying to eat the delicious lunch his mother had prepared while answering questions was a task in itself and when they had finished eating Bucky volunteered to do the dishes so he could escape the interrogations for a bit. He grabbed Steve’s wrist and pulled him into the kitchen.

“How’re you holdin’ up?” Steve asked as soon as they were alone.

Turning on the tap, Bucky watched the water fill the sink. “You’re seriously concerned about me? They were all over you. And I’m afraid it’s gonna be even worse on Sunday.” 

“You’ve been kinda tense out there so of course I’m worried about you. And I don’t mind, I like getting to know new people.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I like those people. It’s just a bit much, and I can’t stop thinking about how I’m gonna tell ma…” 

After glancing over his shoulder to make sure they were still alone, Steve kissed Bucky’s forehead and took his hand. “Wait till they’re all gone and then talk to her in private, ‘kay? Do you want me to come with you when you tell her?”

“Yeah. I don’t think I can do it alone.”

Unfortunately Bucky didn’t get a chance to talk to his mother alone all day. When their neighbours finally left late in the afternoon, Winifred announced she had another meeting to take care of the catering on Sunday and left shortly after. Bucky decided to use the time and bake a cake for Winifred’s birthday the next day because there was no way his ma wouldn’t get a birthday cake.

It was already late when she got back home, having met a friend and completely forgotten the time, and Bucky was fast asleep on the sofa, Steve and Rebecca talking quietly next to him. Eventually they woke him so he could go to bed and sometime past midnight Steve actually sneaked into his bedroom like he’d promised and cuddled up next to a sleepy Bucky. He would leave in the morning, early enough so that Winifred wouldn’t find them together when she woke her son who had slept in for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I wanted to post this chapter yesterday already but I'm sick atm and barely got more than 300 words together yesterday so I'm sorry you had to wait another day :/  
> But it's here now and I really really hope you enjoyed it!! c: I'm so excited about Bucky being home and finally coming out to his mum very soon!


	24. Chapter 24

Bucky was woken by the smell of coffee and someone sitting down on the edge of his bed.

“Steve…?” he mumbled into his pillow, squeezing his eyes shut against the light flooding his childhood bedroom.

“Good morning, darling,” a warm, female voice replied. Definitely not Steve. Bucky bit his lip and cursed himself. Hopefully she hadn’t heard him, this wasn’t exactly the way he wanted her to find out he and Steve shared a bed – most nights, at least.

Rubbing his eyes and pushing the mop of hair out of his face, Bucky sat up and smiled tiredly, trying to hide his panic. “Mornin’, ma.” Gratefully, he accepted the cup of coffee and took a sip. It took a moment to fully realise what day it was, then his eyes widened and he set the mug aside hastily before pulling his mother into a long hug. “Happy birthday!”

Winnie laughed and hugged her son back. “Thank you, James. Now, you want to come downstairs? Steve and Rebecca already made breakfast.”

“What? Oh no, ‘m so sorry, guess I just really needed the sleep…” he mumbled into her hair, bad conscience immediately creeping in. “Gonna make it up to you.”

His mother drew back and smiled at him, brushing a few more strands out of Bucky’s face before cupping his cheeks. “It’s fine, darling. I think I already saw some cake in the fridge, that’s more than enough,” she winked. “And I’m glad you got some sleep for once. Your sister and Steve didn’t mind making breakfast without you at all, I think they’re bonding already. He seems like a great guy.” 

“He is.” Bucky closed his eyes and smiled when Winifred kissed the top of his head and got up.

“I should let you get dressed.” 

Looking after her, Bucky felt a little guilty about not using the opportunity to talk to her about Steve. Being back at home he wasn’t even quite sure anymore why he was so scared of telling her what he should have a long time ago. Coming out could be terrifying if you didn’t know how your loved ones reacted and his anxiety just made him overthink everything until he was bordering paranoia but would his ma really be anything but supportive? If he was completely honest with himself he didn’t think so. Then again, that might just be a false sense of security. 

In times like this he hated his own mind.

“Ma?” he called after her, causing Winifred to pause closing the door behind her and looking back at him.

Her expression was warm and open when she replied, “Yes, honey?”

“I…” ‘I like boys. I’m gay.’ Such simple words, and yet he couldn’t say them. In the last moment he backtracked and clenched his hands to fists under the blanket. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” She smiled at him once more before she closed the door and Bucky could hear her footsteps on the stairs.

With a groan, Bucky buried his face in his hands and fell back onto the bed. This close. He’d come this fucking close and still he just couldn’t do it. So much for waiting for the right moment. This would have been the perfect time to tell her, she had practically offered him the opportunity. 

He grabbed the cup of coffee from his nightstand and emptied it quickly before rolling out of bed and grabbing some clothes. Maybe it would go better when Steve was by his side… He couldn’t exactly hide his sexuality from his mother forever, he told himself.

Just as Bucky came down the stairs he could hear chairs moving and Winifred asking, “So, Steve, are you in a relationship?”

For a second or two, he froze with his foot hovering over the next step, breath catching in his throat. She knew. Oh god, no, please… As quietly as possible he took the last few steps and sneaked into the living room, shooting Steve a panicked look behind his mother’s back but Steve just smiled and nodded.

“I am, actually.”

Winifred leaned forward in her chair. “So who’s the lu-”

“Mom, could you just help me with the coffee machine for a second?” Rebecca interrupted her before the interrogation could go any further. “Something’s not really working and I don’t know what it is.”

Bucky would have to thank her for saving the two of them later, for now a grateful look at his sister that got him a wink in response would have to do. When the women came back to the table after they had found the ‘problem’ Rebecca had managed to involve Winnie into a discussion about what she and Bucky still had to do today so everything would be perfect for the party the following day and Winifred had completely forgotten about her earlier questions. 

Breakfast was spent going over the list of people who would come and who would yet have to be called and sure enough, right when Steve and Bucky were taking the dishes into the kitchen the first family member called and demanded Winnie’s full attention for the next half hour.

Making sure that she was indeed preoccupied Bucky dried his hands on a towel. “I hate this,” he complained and slipped his hands under Steve’s sweater to lay them on his waist and push him up against the fridge.

“Me too,” Steve agreed and pulled Bucky closer, smiling against Bucky’s lips when Bucky kissed him greedily. “I thought she knew when she tried to ask about my relationship earlier…”

“I almost told her after she woke me,” Bucky confessed softly, “but I just… the words just wouldn’t come.”

Steve rubbed circles on Bucky’s back and thought about it for a moment. “How about we take a walk when we’re done here? Get your mind off everything for a bit and show me around?”

With a nod, Bucky leaned in for another kiss. Knowing how chaotic his family was his mother would probably be manning the phone for the next few hours.

***

They got back in time to set everything up for coffee and cake in the afternoon. Rebecca urged Winnie to set away the telephone for a while and ignore the ringing and in favour of some much needed peace and quiet she eventually just switched it off. Everyone gushed over the chocolate cake Bucky had baked and his mother actually seemed to relax for the first time that day.

When she had unpacked her presents she put the CD she’d gotten from Rebecca in the stereo and switched on the soft music. She flopped down into her favourite armchair and sighed. “Birthdays get more stressful the older you get,” she smiled at Bucky. “I’m just glad you’re back, honey.”

“Sure, ma, wouldn’t miss it.” Hesitantly, he sat down on the sofa next to Steve and glanced over at him before looking back to his mother. This might very well be the last peaceful moment for the rest of the weekend since his grandparents were supposed to arrive soon so when they had taken a walk Steve and Bucky had decided he should tell Winifred now.

“So, um, there is something you should –” Bucky started but was cut off by the doorbell ringing.

Of fucking course his grandparents would come earlier than expected. Bucky bit back a curse when Winifred arose. From the hallway, Rebecca yelled, “You stay there, I got it!”

When Winnie was about to head to the front door nonetheless to greet her in-laws, Bucky said, “Ma, wait!”

She stopped and looked at him with surprise at the edge of panic in his voice. “What is it, honey?”

“Just a second… Can you sit down again? Please?”

Worry crossed her face as she sat down on the arm rest of the sofa. “Are you okay?”

“No… Ma, there’s something I gotta… I mean, I’ve, uh, wanted to tell you this since we got here but it never seemed like the right time… Well, except for this morning but I kinda panicked back then…” he rambled, feeling his heart race in his chest. Next to him, Steve shifted and intertwined his fingers with Bucky’s in attempt to calm him down.

Winifred’s eyes flickered to their hands. “What is going on, darling?”

This was it. After twenty-eight years, this was the moment he finally told his mother the biggest secret he’d kept from her and he felt like he might pass out from fear. Sucking in a breath, Bucky blurted out, “Steve’s my boyfriend. I’m gay.” Well, that was certainly not as smooth as he’d hoped, but it was out. He was out. Bucky bit his lip and squeezed Steve’s hand hard, waiting for his mother to say something.

“Gay?” Winifred echoed after several seconds of silence and blinked at her son. “Oh…”

“Oh? That… that’s all you have to say?!” Now there definitely was panic in his voice.

“And here I was thinking you were bisexual for the past fifteen years…” his mother mumbled.

Bucky gaped at her. “Wait, what?! Why?”

“Well, I noticed you looking at pretty boys since you were what, twelve, thirteen maybe? No surprise there, honey. But remember when I caught you making out with… what was her name again? That sweet girl with the blonde hair? I just thought you ‘swing both ways’.” She actually had the nerve to make air quotes.

“Who’s swinging? James, sweetheart, aren’t you a little too old for playgrounds?” His grandma’s words almost gave him a heart attack. How did an old lady like her even manage to sneak up on people like this?!

“N-no one, Nana,” he stammered and let go of Steve’s hand. “I just, uh…”

“And who’s this handsome young man?” she asked, completely ignoring Bucky’s words and eyeing Steve with an appreciative smile.

His grandpa came up behind her and peered at Steve. “You are not supposed to find anyone handsome except for me,” he grumbled and Bucky buried his face in his hands in embarrassment.

Next to him, Steve chuckled and got up to introduce himself. Bucky had told him his family was a piece of work but this was really just ridiculous. Only in Bucky’s family would coming out to his mother end like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still sick and it's pretty late so this somehow ended kinda more humourous than planned but well... Bucky's family is a crazy bunch. I really hope you like it nonetheless and yaaay, someone's finally out of the closet!! And so far no one's freaking out (except for Bucky, internally, probably... poor baby)


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for homophobic language at the end of this chapter

With his grandparents in the house, Bucky didn’t get a chance to talk to his mother in private that day. He was busy answering his grandparents’ questions about New York, his business and life in the big city, keeping Steve company while trying to avoid the usual “Do you have a girlfriend? Oh, Steve, tell me, have you ever seen James with a girl?” kind of questions and finally helping Rebecca prepare dinner which left him barely enough time to take a breath and go over his conversation with Winifred.

“So, you finally told her?” Rebecca asked in a hushed voice while she peeled potatoes. Their grandfather was a little hard of hearing, but Nana just heard all the better and loved to snoop around.

Bucky nodded and smiled insecurely. “Yeah. I think it went… well?”

“What’d she say?”

“Apparently she’s been thinking I’m bi since I was a teen.”

Rebecca looked at him incredulously for a moment, then she burst out laughing. “Oh god, what made her think that?! I mean, you’ve never so much as touched a girl.”

“Uh, actually… when I was like fifteen there was this girl I got paired up with for a project and she kissed me and ma came in and saw it.”

“You never told me that!”

“It’s not like I kissed her,” he muttered with a shrug. “She was just suddenly all over me. That was the only time, though, after that I was even more sure and only went for –”

“Do you two need any help?” Nana suddenly poked her head into the kitchen, probably knowing exactly that this was a conversation she wasn’t meant to be a part of. 

Since she wouldn’t take no for an answer, she worked alongside her grandchildren for the next half hour, chattering with Rebecca about her studies, friends and hobbies and asking Bucky the occasional question. Mostly, though, he stayed out of the conversation and focused on the task at hand while dwelling on thoughts.

He wanted to talk to Winnie before her party the next day, wanted the reassurance that she indeed didn’t care about his sexuality. Then there was also the fact that his entire family would be there and he still didn’t know how to introduce Steve to them. Coming out to everyone was probably more than he could handle this weekend. He was sure it could wait until the next family celebration.

During dinner, Steve had to answer all kinds of questions about his profession for the third time in two days and even when Bucky’s grandpa asked if he could live from “this scribbling and whatever else you do” (and Bucky stared at him with horror) he just chuckled and said he did his best and occasionally took a few jobs as an illustrator as well, not minding the impolite phrasing in the slightest. Grandma was absolutely delighted with Steve.

“I swear she likes you better than me,” Bucky whispered when they went to get dessert and stole a brief kiss.

“That’s not true,” Steve murmured against Bucky’s lips.

Turning around to the fridge, Bucky chuckled. “Have you heard what she said about you? She’s over the moon and even asked me how I managed to become friends with someone like you when you went to the bathroom. That was right after she told me I was in desperate need of a proper haircut.”

Steve gasped in fake shock. “I love your hair!”

Bucky rolled his eyes but couldn’t hide his smile from Steve.

“It’s true. I can’t stop thinking about running my fingers through it and tugging on it while we do certain things,” he whispered and winked only to flush a soft shade of pink when Rebecca entered the kitchen and eyed them both.

“You two are so cute, it’s disgusting. Now get the dessert out there, grandpa is already getting grumpy.”

Shaking his head, Bucky handed Steve a stack of waffles and got some ice cream from the freezer. “Yeah, relax. We’re coming.”

“Y’know, tonight when I sneak into your bedroom we could do some things that involve me pulling your hair,” Steve whispered conspiratorially as he passed Bucky.

“Ew! I did not need to know what you two get up to when you’re alone,” Rebecca complained. Bucky just grinned sheepishly.

***

In desperate need for some peace and quiet, Bucky had left the birthday party on Sunday for a few minutes to get a little time alone. It wasn’t that he didn’t love his family but they could be exhausting with all their curiousness and the (mostly not so) subtle reminders how long he had not come home were giving him a bad conscience.

He was standing on the patio, looking over the garden, and breathed in the cold winter air. Dusk was already setting in and he almost regretted not having brought a jacket. He shivered and pushed his fists into the pockets of his jeans as he leaned back against the wall, staring up into the darkening sky.

“Mind if I join you?” His mother’s voice made him turn his head and smile.

“Not at all. It’s crazy in there, isn’t it?”

Winifred chuckled and handed him a beer before clinking her own bottle against Bucky’s. “Yes, but what’s new? They’re all excited to see you so that makes them even more talkative and exhausting than usual.” Taking a sip from her bottle, she met Bucky’s eyes. “So, you and Steve…”

“Yeah. Sorry I haven’t told you earlier,” Bucky mumbled in a small voice. They still hadn’t had a chance to properly talk about it.

Winnie wrapped an arm around her son’s shoulders and pulled him down to her to kiss his cheek. “It’s fine. I knew you’d come around eventually. Didn’t expect it to take this long but well, you always took your time. And Steve is lovely, honey. He’s so lucky to have you. I’m so happy for you.”

Smiling softly, Bucky hugged her. “Thank you, Ma. And honestly, I think I’m the lucky one.”

“How long have you two been together?”

“About a month now. He’s been coming to the café since October, though, and I thought he’s cute from the beginning. We were both just too stupid to do anything for pretty long.” He shrugged and nursed his beer.

For a few minutes they both didn’t say anything, just held on to their bottles and watched as the sky grew darker and listened to the soft voices from inside the house and the few birds that chirped now and again.

“Have you already…” Winifred broke the quiet but trailed off.

Bucky looked at her with wide eyes. “Ma! You’re not gonna have the talk with me again, are you?”

That actually made her laugh. “No, darling, that’s not what I meant,” then she added, more seriously, “Have you already talked to him? About Iraq?”

Biting his lip, he cast his eyes down and shook his head. “No… I haven’t been able to bring myself to say anything yet. He’s seen my arm but didn’t ask any questions.”

“I don’t mean to pry into this but you should probably tell him eventually,” Winifred said gently. “Anyway, I’m going back in, it’s cold out here. And James? Thank you for telling me. And for bringing Steve so I could meet him.”

Bucky looked after her as she left and breathed out slowly. He couldn’t be happier about her reaction and she really seemed to like Steve (not that he was surprised, practically everyone loved him) but she was right. There was still the issue with his accident and he shouldn’t keep it from Steve much longer.

Telling himself he would sit Steve down once they were back home again, Bucky was about to head inside as well when Steve rounded the corner and nearly bumped into him.

“Hey,” he smiled. “Your mom said I’d find you here, I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

“Have you had enough of my aunts and cousins being all over you?” Bucky teased and pulled Steve against himself.

Steve laughed and rested his chin on Bucky’s shoulder. “Something like that. Looks like I’m not the only one who’s been missing his boyfriend, though.”

“I wasn’t missing you, I’m just using you for your warmth ‘cause it’s kinda cold out here,” Bucky retorted with a grin and slipped his cold hands under Steve’s sweater, making him squeak and try to squirm away but Bucky didn’t let go.

“You’re a terrible boyfriend, you know that?” he complained. “Always stick your ice cold hands to my body. I bet that’s the only reason why you want me: ‘cause I’m your personal heater.”

“Can I convince you to stay out here with me for a bit longer if I kiss you?” Bucky smirked and settled his hands on Steve’s waist, eliciting more goose bumps on his boyfriend’s skin.

“Better be a damn good kiss,” Steve mumbled and turned his face towards Bucky’s.

Since they’d barely had any time for themselves today, Bucky promptly caught his mouth in a fervent kiss and licked over Steve’s lips until he parted them with a soft moan, pulling Bucky impossibly closer.

Behind him, something clattered to the ground and Bucky jumped back, away from Steve who looked just as startled.

Standing a few feet away from them, grimacing as he picked up the lighter he’d dropped, was Brock, the son of one of Winifred’s friends. “I always knew you’re a homo,” he scoffed at Bucky, “but I really didn’t need to see you sticking your tongue down another fag’s throat.”

Steve instantly clenched his fists at his sides. “I don’t see how this is any of your business,” he growled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I didn't update any sooner but this week's been busy with work, study dates, my thesis and the application for the Master's programme...  
> I hope you can forgive me and have a nice weekend! Also, thank you so much for over 6500 hits and all the bookmarks, kudos and comments, they make me very happy!!


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for more homophobia in this chapter, especially in the beginning, and some violence

“Brock, just leave us alone.”

“Are you kidding, Barnes? This is just…” Brock trailed off and laughed maliciously. “Who would’ve thought you’d have the balls to bring your lover to your mother’s birthday party and lie to everyone about him? And then sneak off to… I don’t even wanna know what exactly you were planning to do out here.”

“Believe it or not, there’s no law against two guys kissing each other,” Steve snapped. “Even though people like you’d apparently love that.”

“People like me?! It’s people like you who ruin this country. You’re sick. And disgusting. But at least now a lot of things make sense,” Brock added, “like Bucky’s whole staring at the guys in our class during PE and being too much of a loser to ever get a girl. Is that why they kicked you out of the army and you left for New York afterwards? ‘cause they found out you love cock and you were ashamed? You definitely should be.”

Clenching his jaw, Bucky gripped Steve’s wrist and pulled him past Brock. If he had to listen to him any longer he might get a panic attack, he could already feel his heart racing. “C’mon,” he urged Steve, forcing him to follow towards the front door to avoid any more confrontation. “We’re not starting any trouble.”

“He started it!” Steve hissed in protest but complied and accompanied Bucky into the house with a worried look when he noticed Bucky was desperately trying to keep his breathing under control.

However, Brock was far from done yet and followed them into the hallway. “That’s it, right? They realised they had a fairy among them and you had to leave. I really hope they taught you a lesson before they kicked your sorry ass out.”

Bucky swallowed hard and turned to the closest door to get away from Brock. He stumbled into the living room, desperately trying to stop paying attention to Brock’s words, when Steve snapped.

“Shut the fuck up,” he growled at Brock and pushed him back into the hallway when he tried to follow Bucky. “You have no idea what the hell you’re talking about and we’re not gonna let some asshole like you tell us what we can and cannot do!”

All of a sudden the entire party was looking at Steve. 

“What’s going on?” Winifred who immediately hurried towards Bucky and Steve asked, resting a hand on Steve’s shoulder in an attempt to calm him down.

Brock looked from Steve to Winnie and raised a brow. “Did you know that your son loves dick? Steve’s his lover. I bet he’s even fucked Steve under your roof. Or rather, got fucked, I guess. He’s always been a pussy.”

Winifred stared at Brock with shocked disbelief and the rest of Bucky’s family and Winifred’s friends just gaped between Brock, Bucky and Steve who looked like he was about to explode. It took her a moment to process the words, then she asked, “What are you trying to say?” Her voice was dangerously calm and low but Brock wasn’t easily intimidated (or just plain stupid, Rebecca would say later).

“I’m saying that Bucky’s a fucking homo.”

Someone behind Bucky gasped, a few people started to whisper and Rebecca made her way towards them, cursing Brock loudly, but he barely registered any of it.

“Bucky is a good man and I couldn’t be any prouder of him,” Winnie said and glared at Brock. “I don’t care who he loves and Steve will always be welcome here, too. Unlike you, young man. I want you to leave my house right now.”

“Just ‘cause I’m telling you the truth and you failed to raise him right?” Brock spit out, ignoring Steve stepping between him and Winifred. “Because you let him grow up to become a cocksu-”

He didn’t get to finish his rant. To everybody’s surprise Bucky pushed Steve out of the way and slammed his fist into Brock’s face. “Don’t you ever talk to my ma like this again,” he snarled before grabbing Brock by the shirt and pushing him towards the front door. “She told you to leave, so get the fuck out!”

Holding his nose, Brock stumbled backwards and hauled open the door, yelling muffled curses, and slammed it close behind him.

When Bucky turned around again, breathing heavily, even Steve seemed a little shocked. He pulled Bucky into his arms and held him tight, stroking his back to calm him down. “You okay?” he whispered.

Finally, Bucky realised what about twenty people had just witnessed, including his mother and sister. “Might throw up…” Bucky mumbled and leaned against Steve, peeking at Winifred over Steve’s shoulder. He didn’t dare look at anyone else. “I’m sorry, ma.”

“Shush, don’t say that, darling! Brock was completely out of line and you didn’t do anything wrong,” she reassured him and pulled him into a hug as soon as Steve let go of him. “And I meant what I said. I’m so proud of you, James, and I love you.”

“So… James and Steve are… together?” one of Bucky’s uncles asked in confusion.

“I’m more confused about how they make it work,” Nana muttered. “I mean, they’re both boys… How do they do that…?”

Before anybody could say anything, Bucky’s grandfather wrapped an arm around her shoulders and mumbled, “Oh, there’s a lotta ways two fellas can have fun, my dear, trust me.”

Bucky’s aunt choked on her drink and started coughing loudly and everyone now gaped at grandpa who looked completely unfazed.

“Kill me,” Bucky whispered to his mother and hid his face in his hands. Steve turned bright red, even his ears were flushed, and he took Bucky’s hand.

“We’ll just, uh, take a moment to, um, calm down,” he told Winnie and pulled Bucky out of the living room and up the stairs. Once they were in Bucky’s bedroom they slumped down on Bucky’s bed.

“How are you feeling?” Steve asked gently.

“I punched him,” Bucky mumbled as he stared at his hand. His knuckles were red. “I actually punched him.”

Rubbing circles on Bucky’s back, Steve nodded. “Yeah, you did. Is that… bad?”

“I… don’t know? Every time over the past two years I ran away when someone called me… something like that. I never fought back. But he dragged my ma into this, I couldn’t just let him do that, right?”

“I think you did the right thing.”

“I’m still sorry I fucked up the par-” A deep kiss silenced him.

Cupping his cheeks, Steve looked him in the eyes. “I don’t wanna hear an apology. It’s not your fault, Buck. That homophobic ass should be the one apologising. And honestly, I’d rather stay up here with you anyway. Only if you want to, though, of course.”

Bucky nodded and kissed Steve again, letting himself be manhandled onto Steve’s lap and holding on to him. Eventually he pushed Steve back onto the bed, snuggled into him and rested his head on Steve’s chest while Steve ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair in silence.

This wasn’t how he had imagined his mother’s birthday party, and it definitely wasn’t how he’d wanted his family to find out that Steve was in fact his boyfriend. He still was shaken and couldn’t quite believe what had happened. Brock’s words had hit him harder than he’d ever admit and he was somewhat glad he had been so mad about him talking to his mother like this that the anger had replaced the panic for some time.

But now that he actually had time to process the events it felt like his throat was constricting. Brock’s assumptions were far from the truth but Bucky felt sick nonetheless at the reminder. Although he’d told his mother he would talk to Steve he usually did his best to suppress his memories of the army, and even now he tried to concentrate on something else. 

He couldn’t recall what Rebecca had yelled at Brock and what the other guests had said but he was quite certain that Brock’s mother had been just as furious about her son’s behaviour. And his grandparents…

Bucky couldn’t help giggling at the memory. Beneath him, Steve raised a brow. “What’s so funny?”

“Did you hear what my grandpa said? Like did you… actually… hear how he… how he said it?” Bucky was full on laughing now.

Steve chuckled. “There might be a story there,” he grinned and kissed Bucky’s forehead.

“I don’t think I really wanna know that story… Hey, what time is it?” There was something he’d been planning to do tonight since they had decided that Steve would come to Indiana with him and he refused to let some homophobic idiot ruin his plans.

Turning his head to glance at the alarm on the nightstand, Steve replied, “Just past eight.”

With a soft groan, Bucky got up and climbed off of Steve. “Alright, put on something warm. We’re going somewhere.”

“I don’t wanna get up,” Steve pouted.

Bucky took Steve’s hand and pulled him into a sitting position. “I need the distraction and I’m pretty sure you’ll love where we’re going. Put on warm clothes. Please?”

“Why? You gonna take me ice skating again?”

“No. I wanna show you something.”

After a few more minutes of convincing, Steve agreed to get dressed while Bucky went downstairs. He sneaked into the kitchen to make some tea and get the backpack he’d packed this morning. When someone stepped into the kitchen behind him and he could feel a hand on his arm he flinched.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” Rebecca said and scrutinized him. “Are you alright?”

Nodding, Bucky tried to smile at her. “Yeah, I’m just sorry everyone had to see that.”

Rebecca stood up on tiptoes to embrace him. “Brock’s always been an asshole, you know that. I’m glad mom kicked him out. And damn, I didn’t even know you could still punch people like that! If you hadn’t hit him I would’ve beaten the shit out of him, trust me.”

Bucky didn’t doubt it for a second. “Thanks, Rikki,” he murmured and hugged her back. “Hey, tell ma Steve and I are gonna be back in a few hours, okay? I don’t really wanna go back in there.”

“Will do. But just so you know, everyone’s super pissed at Brock and they all seem pretty accepting. Plus, nobody would dare talk shit about you with how grandma glared at everyone after you two left and mom actually said if anyone’s got a problem with your sexuality they should leave. And grandpa doesn’t even understand why everyone’s making such a fuss.” She chuckled and let go of Bucky. “Anyway, go, I know you’ve got plans. Have fun.”

“See you later,” he smiled and went back to his bedroom to grab his coat and some gloves. “Ready?”

“I certainly hope this is gonna be better than staying in bed and cuddling with you,” Steve teased but Bucky could see the excitement sparkle in his eyes.

Taking Steve’s hand, Bucky led him down the stairs and outside to Rebecca’s car. “It is,” he said and put the backpack in the trunk before sliding behind the wheel. “You wanna put on some music?”

Steering the car southbound through the dark landscape, Bucky enjoyed the peace that stood in stark contrast to the day’s rush. Steve had settled into the passenger seat, softly humming along to the music and occasionally asking where they were. After about an hour they pulled into a parking lot and got out of the car.

“Okay, Buck, seriously, where are we? You’re not gonna try to murder me in the middle of nowhere, are you?” Steve joked as he looked around, seeing nothing but trees around them.

“Nah, don’t worry. Take this, would ya?” He handed Steve the rolled up blanket he’d placed in the trunk that morning, took the backpack and another bag and locked up the car. Reaching for Steve’s hand and intertwining their fingers he smiled. “We’re almost there.”

He led the way with a flashlight, both of them concentrating on the ground so they wouldn’t stumble, and eventually stopped in the middle of a field after a few more minutes, then he took the blanket from Steve and set it on the ground. A few pillows from the bag he’d carried followed before he opened the backpack and pulled out another blanket. “Okay, lie down. Don’t look at me like this, I’m serious. Lie down.” He sat down on the first blanket and patted the space next to him until Steve complied.

“We’re gonna freeze to death,” Steve warned him.

“No we’re not.” Bucky lay back, head propped up on a pillow, and pulled Steve next to him, cuddling against him before covering them with the second blanket. “I also have tea and food.”

“Hmm…” Steve nudged Bucky’s shoulder with his nose. “And we drove an hour because…? Couldn’t we just do this in your backyard?”

“Nope. If you’d take your eyes off of me for a moment and look up you’d see why.”

Finally, Steve turned his attention towards the sky – and Bucky smiled when he saw the amazement on his face.

“Whoa… Bucky, this is incredible.” He couldn’t stop staring at the billions of stars above them and propped himself up on his elbows as if that would get him an even better view.

“You mentioned that you always wanted to see the stars and that you just couldn’t do that in New York so I thought I’d bring you here. My family used to go to this State Park every summer when I was a kid. Thought you’d like it.”

“Are you kidding? This is the best thing ever!” Steve leaned over to kiss Bucky deeply, then quickly looked back up at the night sky. “It’s absolutely stunning.”

“I’m glad you like it,” Bucky smiled, watching as Steve marvelled at the stars in wonder.

“God, Bucky, I love you,” Steve said softly only to immediately bite his lip and glance at him insecurely, and even in the dark Bucky could see that he was flushing pink.

Bucky’s heart actually skipped a beat or two.

“I mean, uh, you don’t have to say it back or anything, just…” Steve immediately tried to backtrack.

Bucky curled a hand around Steve’s nape and kissed him slowly until Steve melted against him and sighed softly. “I think I love you, too,” Bucky whispered and pressed another kiss to Steve’s lips, just as slow and sweet as the one before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter somehow ended up a lot longer than I thought but I suppose nobody will mind ;)  
> Brock got what he deserved and I wanted to write something sweet and fluffy for today (well, it's already the 15th here but who cares) so this is my Valentine's Day gift to you guys - I really really hope you like it ♥ Also (especially if you don't like Valentine's Day and/or don't have anyone to celebrate it with) remember: you're a whole person by yourself and don't need anyone to complete you


	27. Chapter 27

The next morning, Winifred softly knocked on Bucky’s door and let herself in after peeking into the room to make sure she wasn’t interrupting anything. “Good morning, darling,” she smiled at her son who buried his face in Steve’s shoulder and grumbled. “I made breakfast. Or rather brunch, I suppose. And I have a proposition.”

“Hm? Wha…?” Bucky mumbled as Steve pulled him closer and turned his head to blink at his mother.

Winnie leaned forward and pushed Bucky’s hair out of his face. “You boys come down for breakfast, have some coffee and then we’ll talk, alright?”

Giving something that might count as a nod Bucky snuggled further into Steve’s arms and murmured, “One more minute…”

One more minute turned into five, then ultimately ten until Bucky crawled out of bed and finally was able to convince Steve to get up as well. Still in sweatpants and the shirts they’d slept in they trudged down the stairs and sat down at the dining table, gratefully accepting mugs of coffee. The house was quiet again with all the guests including Bucky’s grandparents already having left early in the morning.

When they were halfway through their pancakes and bacon, Rebecca shuffled into the living room, grabbed Bucky’s half empty cup of coffee, ignored his protest, and slumped into the chair next to Steve. Suppressing a yawn, she squinted at Bucky. “Word got around that you punched Brock in the face last night,” she informed him.

“Great…” Bucky stared down at his plate, his hair partly hiding his face.

“Don’t worry, no one even cares why you did it. Everyone just says he had it coming and like half of my girlfriends now think you’re even more awesome. They have no idea how much of a nerd you really are,” she grinned and nudged him with her foot under the table.

“Gee, thanks. Anyway, ma, you said something about a proposition?”

“Oh, right. I know you two planned to fly back home tonight but I thought maybe you could extend your stay one more day? It’s been so long, honey, and I’ve barely had any chance to get to know Steve.”

Nibbling on a strip of bacon, Steve looked from Winnie to Bucky. “I don’t have any commissions due till next week.”

“But… the café… and our plane tickets…” Bucky interjected weakly, the conflict clearly written on his face. Of course he wanted to stay longer, spend a peaceful day with his family, but he was supposed to open up again the next day.

Winifred grinned smugly. “I may have talked to Natasha earlier. She said it wouldn’t be a problem, she’s learned enough from you to handle the baking for a day. And I called the airport and had a lovely lady on the phone who was willing to rebook your flight. So asking you is actually more of a technicality.”

Bucky shook his head and smiled. “Why am I not surprised? I’m gonna have to call Nat, though, make sure that -”

“She instructed me to tell you that if you dare call to lecture her on how she has to do her job you’ll have to find a new waitress when you get back,” Winnie smirked. “I know why I’m so fond of that girl.”

“Well, looks like we’ll have to stay another day,” Steve grinned and stabbed his fork into another pancake.

“Awesome!” Rebecca chimed in. “What’re we gonna do?”

Despite her enthusiastic suggestions to spend the entire day watching movies, playing board games or finally getting a rematch on her Xbox Bucky said he wanted to show Steve a little more of the city and Winnie decided to take them to see some of the spots the Barnes family used to visit a lot when Bucky and Rebecca had been little.

It was only when he was talking to his mother, hearing her laugh and seeing her smile, and joking with his sister, completely relaxed and comfortable and telling them stories about Natasha and Clint, his favourite customers and new recipes and listening to their stories in return that Bucky realised how much he had actually missed his family. He didn’t really miss Shelbyville that much, felt at home in New York, but over the past few months he had pushed the fact that he barely talked to his mother and sister anymore to the back of his mind. It felt so good to be back and he tried not to think how hard it had to be for them that he’d just left as soon as he’d had recovered physically after almost losing him.

His bad conscience was soon forgotten again, though, when they stopped by his favourite café in the late afternoon for cake and pie. Steve did his best not to laugh as Bucky went on about how he needed to get the owner to give him the recipe for his favourite pie and how he would die if he didn’t get it and Winifred smiled fondly at the two men.

That evening they all got home, exhausted from all the activities but happy, and Bucky was sure he hadn’t been this content in years. After a lazy evening in front of the TV with their favourite movies Bucky decided to take a shower while Steve grabbed his sketch book and went back into the living room.

On his way back to his old bedroom Bucky stopped at the top of the stairs for a few moments to listen to the soft voices from downstairs and smiled. He’d miss being here as soon as he was back in New York, that much was sure. He walked down the hallway and opened the door to his room.

“Hey, gorgeous.”

“Jesus!” Bucky almost jumped out of his skin and hastily searched for the light switch as he cursed quietly. “You scared the hell outta me, Steve,” he complained as he looked at Steve who was sitting propped up against the headboard.

“And here I was thinking you’d be happy to see me and have me all to yourself,” Steve pouted and made grabby hands at Bucky.

Bucky’s face softened as he approached the bed and sat down next to Steve. “I am, just didn’t expect you in here is all. You done with drawing or just tired of my family?”

“Are you kidding? They’re amazing. I haven’t had something like this in… forever.”

“I know,” Bucky murmured and kissed Steve’s temple when Steve cuddled into his side. “You can have mine, y’know. But it’s a package deal, you gotta keep me, too.”

“I might just take you up on that,” Steve smiled.

***

The next day was lazily spent at the house until it was time to leave for the airport. Steve had drawn most of the day with Winifred and Rebecca gushing over his sketches and Bucky had finally found the time and patience to finish a book he’d started reading months ago after Rebecca had confiscated his phone, telling him he was ridiculously paranoid and she’d kick his ass if he called Natasha to make sure everything was alright.

His worries were entirely unjustified and Natasha had even sent him a selfie right after opening up the café, showing her and a somewhat grumpy looking Scott in front of the fully stocked display counter. Apparently Scott wasn’t a big fan of taking pictures but Bucky knew just how persistent Natasha could be, and apparently Rebecca thought Scott was cute and “just one more reason to come visit you in New York”.

Of course she and Winifred had brought them back to the airport in the early evening. When it was time for their goodbyes Bucky hugged his sister and she wrapped her arms around him in a long embrace, refusing to let him go. With a look at them, Winifred took Steve by the arm and pulled him a few feet away.

“You take good care of my boy, Steven,” she said quietly. “He’s been through so much and he deserves something good in his life. It seems like he’s found it with you. I haven’t seen him like this in a very long time and I hope you’ll continue to make him happy.”

Steve nodded seriously. “I promise I’ll do my best to make him happy. He’s something special.”

“Sure he is, he’s my son,” Winnie smiled and blinked against the tears welling up. “And try to get him to come home a little more often, will you? Of course you’re welcome to join him anytime.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Steve smiled back at her and was promptly pulled into a hug. 

“Group hug!” Rebecca yelled and threw her arms around her mother and Steve, pulling Bucky with her and ignoring the odd looks from the people around them.

Bucky looked at Steve over his sister’s shoulder and smiled softly, positive that he had never seen such a bright smile lighting up Steve’s face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some more fluff! Because there can never be enough fluff!! And family feels!  
> Also, I've never been to America, I have no clue what you can do in Indiana let alone Shelbyville so that part was super vague, sorry about that. (Can we talk about how weird American cities are though? Why is everything in squares??????????)  
> On another note, unfortunately it looks like I'll only be able to update once a week now since I'm super busy, I'm really sorry but I'll do my best to not keep you waiting too long!


	28. Chapter 28

It took Bucky several seconds to figure out where he was the next morning. They had fallen asleep at Steve’s place when they’d finally gotten home from the airport and now Steve was wrapped around Bucky, snoring softly into his shoulder. Rather reluctantly, Bucky tried to escape his boyfriend’s grip and the heat he was radiating, but Steve only pulled him even closer.

“Mmmh Steve… Gotta get up…” he mumbled, wiggling in Steve’s arms until he was able to blink at him over his shoulder.

Steve just snorted and pushed his face into Bucky’s neck, tickling him in the process. A moment later he spluttered a few strands of Bucky’s hair, grumbling to himself and instead started nipping at Bucky’s shoulder through his shirt.

Rolling his eyes, Bucky rasped, “Stevie…”

“’m sleepin’,” Steve murmured and pressed a soothing kiss on Bucky’s skin where he’d just nipped above the collar.

“Good one,” Bucky chuckled and reached behind him to thread his fingers through short blond hair. “Seriously, I gotta get to work. And you’re squishing me.”

Steve pouted. “Am not.”

“Yes you are. You’re like an octopus latching on to me.”

With a theatrical sigh, he loosened his hold on his boyfriend long enough for Bucky to turn around in his arms. “You love it. Stay? Jus’ a few more minutes? Pretty please?”

Bucky pecked Steve’s nose, causing him to hum softly, and he smiled. He’d do anything to stay in bed with Steve the entire day, cuddling and trading lazy kisses, but he needed to start baking soon if he wanted to open up the café on time. He definitely needed to talk to Scott and Natasha about taking an entire day off on a regular basis so he could spend a little more time with Steve.

Steve, who currently started nibbling on Bucky’s lower lip and sneaking a hand down his back to grab his ass. “Y’know, I could wake up like this every mornin’,” he murmured and laid soft, brief kisses on Bucky’s lips.

“Oh yeah? Since when do you like waking up at four?” Bucky teased and ran his fingertips over Steve’s nape, making him shudder.

Grunting, Steve tucked his head under Bucky’s chin. His voice was muffled when he complained, “You know what I mean. I jus’ wanna have you all to myself an’ do nothin’ but this.” 

“You could have me all to yourself in the shower.” It was out before Bucky had even thought about it and Steve abruptly lifted his head to look at him in surprise. This was the first time Bucky had suggested something that involved him being shirtless around Steve and he found that even though it still seemed a little scary the memories of Steve’s smile the last time they’d showered together made it worth it. He wanted to get back to normal and this was a step in the right direction, and Steve really didn’t seem to care how ugly and scarred his arm was.

When Bucky didn’t say anything else, Steve carefully asked, “You serious?”

“Yeah, if you let go of me and get your punk ass out of bed in the next ten seconds.”

Steve didn’t need to be told twice and Bucky chuckled when he jumped out of bed, suddenly wide awake. He grabbed Bucky’s hand and pulled until Bucky got up and followed him to the bathroom. It took him a few more seconds to undress than Steve who always just slept in boxer shorts but soon they stood under the warm spray of water together.

To Bucky’s surprise Steve pushed him up against the wall but instead of kissing him again he traced his lips and hands down Bucky’s chest and stomach, eventually kneeling down and pressing kisses to Bucky’s hipbones. Biting his lip, Bucky watched him and swallowed when Steve looked up at him through wet lashes.

“This wasn’t exactly part of the plan,” he croaked and cursed his voice for betraying him.

Leaning back on his heels, Steve chuckled and smiled innocently. “You want me to stop?”

“You haven’t even started yet, Rogers.”

It was a challenge Steve was all too happy to accept. He grinned and sucked a mark into the skin of Bucky’s hip, earning himself a soft moan that would soon turn into groans and sharp gasps as Steve was determined to pull the sweetest sounds from Bucky.

***

A couple hours later Natasha entered the café and, finding Bucky singing along to the radio, shook her head at him with a grin. “Had a good time with your family and Steve?”

Bucky grinned sheepishly and turned the radio down to a more reasonable volume. “Mhm. Was everything okay here?”

With a nod, Natasha jumped onto the counter next to the croissants Bucky had just gotten out of the oven and started swinging her legs. “Yup. Now, I want all the details.

“You’re not supposed to sit there.”

“Don’t try to get out of this. Details. Now.”

Knowing that she wouldn’t give in Bucky sighed and started to fill her in on what had happened during his visit in Indiana, only leaving out his and Steve’s trip to the State Park. He still couldn’t quite believe it had actually happened and he didn’t want to hear the well-meant but ironic comments that would inevitably follow.

He smiled when Natasha lay a hand on his shoulder and told him she was proud of him for finally telling his family the truth – and even more so for punching Brock.

Later, when Scott caught Bucky staring at the display counter with a dreamy look on his face for the sixth time that day, he nudged him gently to bring him back to reality. “What’s gotten into you?”

With a look over her shoulder Natasha raised a brow and smirked mischievously. “I’m pretty sure it starts with ‘Ste’ and ends with ‘vie’. How was it, by the way?”

“We’re not talking about my sex life during opening hours,” Bucky hissed and glared at her while Scott mumbled something about having to check on one of the tables. He added, “Or any other time, for that matter.”

“Uhhh, so you do admit you actually _have_ a sex life again?” Natasha whispered and grinned when Bucky threw a rag at her.

“It’s none of your business, Romanov. Unlike other people I’m not into sharing every little detail, y’know.”

“I don’t share every little detail.”

“Doesn’t mean I don’t know way too much about what you and Clint get up to,” Bucky grumbled before turning away to greet Peggy and smiling when she told him she’d missed him.

In between making coffee for other customers and checking on the pastries in the oven Bucky shortly sat down with Peggy to chat with her and answer her questions about his trip to Indiana – and of course about Steve. Before it could turn into a full on interrogation someone cleared their throat behind Bucky and Peggy’s face lit up.

“Angie, dear, I thought you’d forgotten about me.”

“Never, English.” Angie walked over to her and leaned down to kiss Peggy’s cheek but Peggy turned her head and suddenly their lips were pressed together. When Peggy pulled back after a long moment, a cheeky glint in her eyes, Angie chuckled and took a seat next to her. “So, what’s new?”

“You two, apparently,” Bucky grinned. He could hear his co-worker mumble to himself.

“Did they just…” Scott murmured, looking from Peggy to Angie and back with wide eyes. “I didn’t see that coming. Did you see that coming?” he whispered to Natasha who just shrugged. Of course she had seen it coming.

“You’ll get over it.”

***

 _So it looks like Peggy and Angie are a thing now,_ Bucky texted Steve when he took a short break some time later.

 ** _Y_ _ou mean as in they’re dating?_** came the immediate response.

_I guess, they didn’t really say much. Just kissed in the café earlier_

**_That’s so adorable_ **

Bucky grinned and typed, _They say the same thing about us_

**_Haha I bet_ **

**_Sooo about your work schedule… did you talk to Natasha and Scott?_ **

_Yup. We gotta figure everything out but it looks like I’ll take Fridays off, that okay with you?_

Natasha had actually told him it was about fucking time he decided to have a little free time and Bucky had ignored her suggestive wink and the comments about being able to spend more time doing other stuff that would get him all sweaty and dirty. Scott had just rolled his eyes at her.

**_That’s perfect :)_ **

_Good. I’ll bring baking stuff this Friday_

That got him several responses in quick succession. ** _Wait what?_**

**_You know I can’t bake, like, I’ll literally ruin everything_ **

**_Plus didn’t you want to take a day off from baking?_ **

**_Please don’t do this to me_ **

_You can just look pretty in your flower apron and help me mix the batter_

**_I always look pretty, apron or not_ **

Bucky couldn’t help but chuckle and licked his lips.

_Gotta say I think you look prettiest without any clothes. Like this morning_

**_Oh, you liked that, huh? ;)_ **

“Barnes, are you _sexting_ at work?”

Bucky whirled around and pressed his phone to his chest to hide the screen from Natasha but his blush spoke for itself. Natasha just tsk’ed and told him to at least not take any dick pics in the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I visited a friend last week so I didn't have time to write at all, therefor this chapter took so long - I'm sorry!  
> I hope you're all still with me though and enjoyed this :) (also sweet old gay couple anyone? I think Peggy and Angie are too cute to not get together)


	29. Chapter 29

When Bucky knocked on Steve’s door late on Thursday evening the opening door revealed a surprised Steve with paint splatters all over his clothes, arms and even his face.  
“Hey Buck, uh… did I forgot we had a date tonight?”

Shifting a bag from one arm to the other, Bucky shook his head. “Nope. Just decided that I wanna sleep here and spend more time with you since I’m free tomorrow. Now move and let me in, this stuff’s heavy.”

Steve stepped aside and watched Bucky with wide eyes as he carried the bag right into the kitchen and carefully set it down on the counter. Then he turned around and smiled sheepishly at Steve. “I mean if you don’t mind me sleeping here and are free tonight, that is,” he added as an afterthought, taking in Steve’s messy hair and the stained clothes. “I’m sorry, I should’ve called before I came over, I was just…”

“Very enthusiastic?” Steve suggested.

Bucky shrugged and smiled innocently. “Maybe… So?”

Gesturing at himself, Steve took a few steps back. “I always have time for you, the painting can wait. Just give me a moment to clean myself up and take care of the paints, okay? I look like I fell straight into my canvas.”

“I don’t mind, ‘s not that bad. And I think you look nice like this.”

“Nice?” Steve echoed with a smirk. “Well, you’re not gonna say that anymore when I accidentally get paint all over you ‘cause it wasn’t dry yet.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and turned around to unpack the bag. “Fine, go.”

“You’re just saying that ‘cause you don’t wanna risk having any other colour than black or grey on your body, huh?” Steve teased and sneaked up behind Bucky to press a kiss against his neck, followed by his fingers leaving some bright blue and purple paint on the skin of Bucky’s neck up to his cheek.

“Hey!” Bucky protested and whirled around.

“I’m happy to see you, too.” Steve caught Bucky’s lips in a kiss before backing away, grinning. “This is a great surprise, seriously. Can’t wait to sleep in with you tommorrow.”

Mumbling something under his breath, Bucky wiped the back of his hand over his cheek and went to the sink to wash the paint off. “Go clean yourself up, I’ll put everything away.” He put a pint of ice cream into the freezer and waited until he heard the water rush in the bathroom to hide the chocolate bars they’d need the following day – by now he knew sweets just weren’t safe from Steve. Then Bucky switched on the water kettle to make a pot of tea, grabbed two cups and a bag of chips and sat down on the edge of the couch, going through Steve’s Netflix account.

A few minutes later Steve joined him after fetching the teapot and slumped down on the seat next to Bucky. Soft lips soon trailed kisses over Bucky’s neck and he whispered, “You smell delicious, like cinnamon,” before giving the skin a nip, making Bucky swat at him playfully. “What’re we watching?”

With a shrug Bucky handed over the remote. “Dunno. I’m fine with whatever you wanna watch tonight as long it’s not some drama or somethin’.”

“I know just the movie.”

A quick search later Steve had found what he was looking for and Bucky raised a brow and just looked at him in complete silence. 

“What? Princess and the Frog is great.”

Rolling his eyes, Bucky grabbed a mug of tea and leaned into Steve. “Steven Rogers, you’re such a child.”

“There’s barely any drama in it, it’s a great movie and completely underrated,” Steve started to protest. “Plus it has –”

“– Lemme guess, musical numbers?”

“Of course. It’s Disney.”

“Next time we’re watching an animated movie it’s gonna be one where you can’t sing along to every single song,” Bucky grumbled half-heartedly but happily cuddled into Steve’s side when he felt his arm sneak around his own shoulders. “Preferably one with no singing at all. Like the one with Jack Frost and the Easter Bunny.”

“Uh, I love Rise of the Guardians! The animation is amazing and Jack is so –”

Bucky cut him off with a series of quick kisses, then he said, “You’re a nerd. Start the film already.”

Halfway through the movie he fell asleep to his boyfriend humming along to the songs, only to stir awake when Steve tried to pick him up and carry him to the bedroom, grumbling something that sounded like a very sleepy “Not a fucking dame, Steve, put me down.”

Steve just grinned, pressed a kiss to his temple and pulled him into bed where he immediately wrapped Bucky up in his arms. With a content sigh, Bucky snuggled into Steve’s chest in an attempt to make himself smaller. This might just be the safest place he’d known for a very long time, cuddling against Steve with his arms around him made him feel protected. Protected and loved.

Tracing his fingertips over Steve’s collarbone, Bucky sleepily mumbled, “Love you, Stevie.”

The soft “I love you, too,” was the last thing he heard before he fell into a dreamless sleep.

***

“I hate you. Nooo,” Steve whined the next morning when Bucky tried to convince him to get up. “Can just stay in bed all day. Pleaaase.”

“But I want cookies. And I know you want some, too. You love cookies.”

“Too early. Get your damn cookies later.” 

“It’s way past ten. And we’re gonna bake them, not buy some.” Bucky had known Steve would be grumpy in the morning, therefor he’d let him sleep in while he went out for a run around nine – the first one in weeks and to his discontent his stamina wasn’t nearly as good as it used to be – and took a shower.

He shook his head hard enough to let droplets of water from his wet hair fly and cause Steve to hiss at him before hiding his head under his pillow which muffled his next words. “No baking. I suck at it.”

“That’s why I’m here. I’m gonna teach you.” Bucky sat down on the bed next to Steve and ran a hand down Steve’s side. Steve shivered when Bucky’s fingertips teased over the small of his back.

Peaking at him from under the pillow, Steve twisted around and tried to pull Bucky on top of him. “Doubt that’s gonna work.”

“C’mon, it’ll be fun,” Bucky pleaded, leaning back and away from Steve. “Plus you’ll have so many cookies when we’re done.”

“What kind of cookies? You got any other good arguments?”

“Triple chocolate chip. And I thought maybe we could watch another movie afterwards and eat warm cookies with ice cream?” He tied his wet hair up into a messy bun and poked at Steve’s tummy. “C’mon, cookies AND ice cream? You and I both know you can’t resist that.”

Steve pretended to consider the offer seriously. “Well, we already watched a movie last night. That’s not really special.”

“What do you propose, then?”

“We bake, make out against the counter while the cookies are in the oven, take the ice cream and the cookies and go back to bed and stay here the rest of the day to eat and cuddle.”

With a nod Bucky jumped up and grinned at Steve. “Deal.”

“But don’t say I didn’t tell you I suck at baking.” A dramatic sigh, and Steve finally sat up.

“It’ll be fine,” Bucky promised and kissed Steve’s cheek. 

Reluctantly, Steve followed him into the kitchen and eyed all the ingredients lined up on his counter. “What do we start with?”

“First we’ll melt some of the chocolate, chop the rest and measure the other ingredients.”

While Bucky instructed Steve what to do and told him to keep it slow while mixing the ingredients to avoid making a huge mess – Steve just had to say “I told you so, I suck at this” after he spilled almost half of the ingredients over his kitchen counter with his much too enthusiastic stirring – he looked after the melting chocolate and searched for baking paper. Steve might be a great cook but the contents of his supply cabinet were a mess and he couldn’t remember where he’d put the baking parchment.

Eventually, Bucky found it in the oven when he switched it on, carelessly thrown in below the baking plate. Steve shrugged sheepishly. It wasn’t like he ever used it.

As the oven grew warmer while they worked, Bucky rolled up his sleeves unconsciously. Only when he reached for the bowl to start forming balls to set onto the baking sheet did he catch Steve’s eyes flicker over his left forearm and looked down.

Fuck.

He hastily pulled his long sleeves back down and halfway over his hands and bit his lip, avoiding Steve’s questioning gaze. His reaction probably wasn’t what Steve had expected at all, but just because he had seen it twice now didn’t mean Bucky suddenly was comfortable with showing the scarred skin. And he knew Steve had questions, of course he did, which didn’t make it any better.

Naturally Steve pretended everything was fine though, complained about getting his hands all sticky with the batter and asked if the balls he set onto the baking plate and gently flattened were okay.

Bucky’s responses were a little strained even though he did his best to seem unfazed and finally Steve turned to face him and quietly said, “I’m not gonna ask and I’m not gonna expect you to talk to me about it, okay? It’s fine. We’re doing this on your terms, remember?”

For a moment, Bucky just looked at Steve, then he nodded briefly. They finished the cookies and put them in the oven in silence which Steve finally broke by coming up behind Bucky as he was washing his hands and whispering, “Those cookies better be worth gettin’ out of bed.” He pressed his chest against Bucky’s back and nipped at his ear. “And where’s my hot make out session in the kitchen?”

Shaking his head, Bucky chuckled softly and smiled at Steve over his shoulder. “Wash your hands, then we have ten minutes to make out.”

“Ten minutes? Wow, you’re so romantic.” But Steve did as he was told, then grabbed Bucky’s hips with his still damp hands, hauled him onto the counter and moved to stand between Bucky’s legs, leaning up to kiss him and slipping his hands under Bucky’s shirt.

Even though Steve’s lips against his own were like heaven, Bucky couldn’t quite focus. The incident from earlier just wouldn’t leave him alone and he felt like he owed Steve an explanation, even if he’d said Bucky didn’t need to say anything. When the timer beeped, he quickly slid off the counter and pulled the cookies out of the oven to check if they were done, thankful for something to concentrate on for a little while.

No fifteen minutes later the two men were back in Steve’s bed, a plate of warm cookies and the pint of ice cream on the nightstand and plates with more on their laps. After finishing his first round, Steve grabbed another cookie and lay down, resting his head in Bucky’s lap and nibbling at the treat. He still couldn’t believe the cookies they’d baked were so delicious and he hadn’t messed them up.

Running his fingers through Steve’s hair and watching a smile spreading over his face, Bucky tried to find the right words to say. At some point he would have to deal with what had happened, and he trusted Steve. But that didn’t mean this would be easy, and he certainly didn’t want Steve to see him differently after his confession. Nonetheless he’d promised himself he would talk to Steve when they were back home. This was as good a time as any.

“Steve?”

“Hm?” Steve replied while munching at the huge cookie.

“Are you… serious about this?”

That made Steve look up at him. “What?”

“This… us… whatever this is…”

Steve sat up and took Bucky’s hand. “I thought we’d talked about this. I asked you to be my boyfriend and we literally both already said we love each other. So yeah, I’m serious. Why are you asking?”

Bucky shrugged and stared blankly at the opposite wall.

“I know all of this might’ve been quite fast but I haven’t been able to get you out of my head since that first day in October when I came into your café,” Steve admitted quietly. “And please don’t tell me you have doubts now because of your baggage. Natasha told me you need time to open up and -” Clearly Steve hadn’t meant to say the last part as he bit his tongue to stop himself.

Bucky had completely forgotten about that day but now that Steve mentioned it… “So you talked to Natasha about me when I saw you two sticking your heads together?”

Steve nodded sheepishly. “I should’ve told you. I just… didn’t want to fuck things up, y’know, so I asked her for advice.”

“Hm.”

“You’re not mad, are you?”

“No.” Considering how thoughtful Steve was, Bucky was just a tiny bit surprised.

They fell silent for a while, both staring into space and engrossed in their thoughts. Bucky clasped his hands together, digging his nails into his skin, and bit his lip. He could do this.

“I was stationed in Iraq for almost three years,” he eventually broke the silence softly, his voice not nearly as steady as he’d hoped. He swallowed hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters this week! Yay! Mostly because I probably won't be able to write anything next week since my thesis is due soon and I'll try to get all writing done for that till next Sunday... Argh.  
> BUT cute cuddly fluffy Steve and Bucky baking! Hope you like it and aren't too unhappy about the cliffhanger! And I also hope you all had a nice weekend and this chapter makes having to go do stuff tomorrow a little easier :)


	30. Chapter 30

It had been hard, coming back home, so hard. No, not hard, Bucky thought. It had been hell. For several months, he couldn’t even remember exactly how long it had been since he had completely lost track of time at some point, Bucky had only left his bed to limp to the toilet, when his mother or his sister told him he desperately needed a shower or begged him to please, please come downstairs for half an hour to have lunch with them. They had to help him down the stairs – he couldn’t even take the fucking stairs by himself anymore thanks to his broken leg, and one wrong touch, one wrong movement or leaning against his sister for support the wrong way and Bucky winced in pain and cursed. 

Everyone had said he’d been lucky, surviving the attack with “nothing more” than a broken leg, several cracked ribs, a fractured wrist and dislocated shoulder, a severe concussion and abrasions, cuts and bruises all over. And, of course, the third degree burn on his arm that stretched to his shoulder and down his left side over his ribs. When he’d woken up in a hospital in some Iraqi city he couldn’t even pronounce he had gasped and almost passed out from the searing pain. The pain that consumed everything, everything but his left arm. He had started screaming, thinking it was gone, lost to the explosion. A nurse had come and reassured him it was still there, somewhere underneath all those bandages, and that they probably wouldn’t need to amputate, but that the fire had damaged his nerve endings so he might never have any feeling in his limb again. Then she’d told him how lucky he was.

Bucky didn’t feel lucky. There was not a single position he could lie or sit in that didn’t hurt. They pumped him full of medication until he was stable enough to fly home. Home, where everything would be better. Where he could recover. But it didn’t feel like he was getting any better. He didn’t get more than two or three hours of restless sleep every night, barely ate anything, lost twenty pounds, and eventually even caught the flu in the middle of summer but refused to leave the house to see a doctor.

He hated doctors. All the touching and poking and testing and their too optimistic reassurances that he would be okay. But he wasn’t okay, felt like he would never be okay again. Quite the opposite, actually. His nightmares became worse, and then the flashbacks started sometime around the third week at home when the doctors prescribed him less painkillers and stopped giving him sedatives to see if he could handle it. He couldn’t. The pain still made it hard to breathe and it was nearly impossible to find a position that didn’t leave his ribcage and head throbbing. The only thing that didn’t hurt was his arm.

His first panic attack came shortly after and knocked him off his feet quite literally. Bucky didn’t remember what had caused it – if there even had been a trigger –, all he knew was that one moment he was shuffling through the dark hallway from the bathroom back to his bedroom and the next second the world closed in on him. He felt hot, so hot, and he gasped for air but his lungs wouldn’t function. The world started spinning, his ears rang and he could barely make out his surroundings. All of a sudden he was back in Iraq, unable to see or hear anything in the dust and smoke and the aftershock of the explosion that had ripped their truck apart only seconds before. 

He should have stayed with the Howlies, should never have transferred.

Like he would have had any choice.

Rebecca found him on the floor seconds later – or had it been minutes? Hours? He didn’t know. He was panting and whimpering, mumbling incoherently to himself, and when she gently rested a hand on his shoulder, the right one, reassuring him he was home, he was safe, nothing would hurt him, he started crying for the first time since the bomb had ripped apart life as he’d known it.

“Bucky?” Steve’s voice was soft, barely above a whisper, and Bucky blinked a few times, taking a slow breath.

“You don’t have to tell me, you know that,” Steve murmured and scooted closer, pressing up against Bucky’s right side, letting go of his hand in order to tuck Bucky under his arm and trace fingertips through his hair. “I don’t expect you to talk to me about it.”

“If I don’t talk to you I’ll never talk about it at all,” Bucky mumbled and swallowed again in an attempt to get rid of the lump in his throat. He trusted Steve, would probably trust him with his life, but there was still the small voice in the back of his head telling him that Steve would see him differently, treat him differently after his confession. And if there was one thing he couldn’t take, it was pity from Steve.

For a while, Steve just looked at him, then he quietly suggested, “You could try talking to Sam. He’s got a lot of experience, is great at helping people and you two seemed to get along fine.”

Bucky shrugged softly and stared at his hands in his lap. “Someday, maybe. I wanna… I gotta tell you first, though.”

Steve stayed quiet to give Bucky all the time he needed, not wanting to rush him or force him to say more than he wanted to share. He slowly slid his hand down Bucky’s left arm and started to caress it gently through the fabric of his shirt. To Bucky’s surprise the feeling had slowly returned to some extent after a few months and the doctors had been delighted that the damage wasn’t permanent like they’d first thought, but he still felt little more than pressure against the dark, uneven scar tissue. It was as much of a constant reminder as looking at it.

Taking a deep breath, Bucky closed his eyes and started to speak. “The first two years weren’t so bad. I mean sure, you see some fucked up shit, but nothing… nothing really horrible happened and the people I worked with were good guys. They still visit me when they get to go home over the holidays. But then I got transferred to another unit halfway across the country and that was when everything went south.”

When he opened his eyes he found Steve looking at him with the most serious expression, listening intently. Bucky didn’t quite know how to continue so he chewed on his bottom lip for a while, trying to sort his thoughts.

“Came back about a year and a half ago, after I was discharged. That was five months after this… after my arm happened, I had to stay in hospital overseas before they could ship me back. After I was… after they put me in a different corps I wanted out but you can’t just quit, y’know. I didn’t really get along with the other guys in my second unit so I mostly kept to myself. Being a sniper meant that I didn’t have to be around them all the time which was good, at least for some time.” He stopped to draw in a few shaky breaths.

Steve tightened his arm around Bucky’s shoulders and took his hand, rubbing soothing little circles over his wrist. He didn’t say anything, just held on to Bucky who started shaking. But Bucky still forced himself to talk.

“One day we… we were supposed to drive to an observation point. About halfway to our destination we got into an argument and none of us really paid attention anymore. We didn’t see it coming. Right before the explosion the guys… they…” His throat constricted and he pulled his hand away from Steve’s to dig his nails into his left palm before wringing his hands. He couldn’t say it, couldn’t tell Steve the part he still saw in his nightmares and that only Natasha knew about. Clearing his throat, he sat up a little straighter. “It happened so fast. The deafening explosion, and suddenly everything went up in flames and smoke, I don’t think I screamed at first because I was so surprised. The others didn’t scream, either. They were dead instantly. I was the only survivor… Another unit found me some time later.” He paused again.

“They all said I was lucky but that… that wasn’t it. That’s not what it feels like,” Bucky eventually continued softly when Steve still stayed silent. “Everyone keeps saying that I’m making progress and that I’m doing great but it’s been almost two years and I still have nightmares and panic attacks and I barely feel anything with my left arm and sometimes my ribs still hurt and I should probably go see a therapist but thinking about what happened makes me sick and talking about it is so fucking hard without breaking down and I honestly didn’t think I could do this right now,” he rambled. “I know that things like this take time but the only thing keeping me from losing my mind is drowning myself in so much work that I barely have time to think. I just… I really wanna be normal again. And the scars remind me every day that I’m not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm supposed to write on my thesis but I couldn't get this out of my head so this happened. So much angst. I'm so sorry.


	31. Chapter 31

For several moments after he’d finished, the silence stretched between them. Bucky didn’t dare to look at Steve, wasn’t ready to see the pity in his eyes. Instead he wrapped his arms around his middle and curled in on himself.

He thought about everything he’d just told Steve – and all the other things he just couldn’t put into words. Trying to shut out the pictures in his mind, the faces of his comrades staring at him disdainfully, accusingly, he squeezed his eyes shut. That only made it worse. It was like watching his life fall apart against the back of his eyelids and he could almost hear their last words directed at him. He blinked, shaking his head. The pictures didn’t disappear. He snuffled softly, digging his nails into his sides to concentrate on the physical pain.

How pitiful he must seem. And Steve didn’t even know about the worst part yet, about the guilt, the anger that came with it, the exact circumstances. But Bucky decided he’d shared enough for today. He was exhausted. And yet, the silence made him anxious. Not knowing what Steve was thinking was almost as bad as telling him about…

“Y’know, I always thought you were a strong personality,” Steve started quietly, finally interrupting Bucky’s train of thought, “but it looks like I was wrong.”

Bucky swallowed hard and stared at the painting across the room. Of course Steve was wrong. Bucky was a wreck, a shadow of the young man he’d once been, even if he might seem well adjusted most of the time. He wrung his hands and tried so hard to control the shaking of his fingers that he almost missed Steve’s next words.

“‘Strong’ definitely is one hell of an understatement. I can’t even begin to imagine what that must’ve been like, what you’ve gone through. But where you’re now, Buck, that’s just… it’s incredible. You survived, you came back home and started a whole new life. You even started a business, a pretty successful one, and you just keep fighting. That’s incredible, Bucky.”

A broken, incredulous sob escaped Bucky as he finally looked up at Steve. “I’m a fucking mess in case you haven’t noticed. I don’t remember the last time I slept through the night, I still barely sleep without any nightmares, every time I see my own arm all I can think about is the pain and the fear and I occasionally get flashbacks and panic attacks.” He knew he was repeating himself but how on earth could Steve think he was strong? How could Steve look at him and not see how the war had destroyed him?

“And yet you’re here, living your life and fighting every day,” Steve whispered. A hand came up and gently cupped Bucky’s cheek. “And I can’t even begin to tell you how unbelievably brave you are for that.”

“I don’t feel brave,” Bucky murmured, casting his eyes down again. No, he was a coward.

A coward who’d joined the army in hopes to come back a hero but instead returned as a broken man that had almost instantly fled from his family, their worried looks and soft, sympathetic words, unable to endure their compassion that just made him feel worse. He had left them not even a month after he’d come back, refused to take his doctor’s advice to see a therapist, and moved in with Natasha and Clint because he knew they wouldn’t ask any questions, wouldn’t judge and most importantly wouldn’t treat him with kid gloves or mother him.

And it was a new start, far from home, even if he didn’t have any plan, had a hard time to do even the most basic things like taking regular showers. Luckily, Natasha made sure he ate enough and got some sleep, however troubled his dreams were. She also let him know she and Clint would be there to help him, would listen if he ever decided to talk about the attack. But he was too afraid to voice his memories, his nightmares.

One night Bucky hadn’t been able to stand the sleeplessness anymore, grabbed the bottle of vodka his friends kept in the kitchen and gotten so drunk that Natasha found him passed out on the kitchen floor. She had wrapped him up in a blanket and pulled him close when he whimpered, coming back to consciousness. Quietly but firmly she had told him it was time he stopped running, time to start doing things he enjoyed again instead of sitting numbly on his bed all day, even if was just to distract himself from the horrors. He had started mumbling, not even intending to tell her, but somehow the words just spilled from his lips, fuelled by the alcohol.

Neither of them had mentioned it the next day, or any day after that. However, two days later he’d forced himself out of bed in the morning and almost timidly asked if he could use the kitchen for a few hours. That evening, Natasha and Clint had come home into an apartment smelling of cinnamon, apples and berries. Enough pastries to give out to the entire neighbourhood had covered the countertop and dining table.

It had taken them days to convince Bucky to at least do some research what it took to open a café or bakery and even more time to get him to seriously consider it. He’d started taking classes but quickly found he already knew almost everything that was taught – his mother had been a brilliant teacher over the past decades. Baking made him happy, even if it was just what Natasha had said first – a distraction. Not a solution.

He still refused to talk to anyone about Iraq, to go to therapy, hell, he tried not to think about it at all. That was why he finally decided to give opening his own business a shot. With money borrowed from his mother and what little he got as compensation he’d taken over the small café owned by an old couple who wanted to retire and completely transformed it into the homely place it was now. He had buried himself in work, finding it managed to keep everything else pushed to the back of his mind. It certainly wasn’t a healthy way to deal with the trauma but he just hadn’t been able to face the horrors.

Not until now. Bucky knew if he wanted this relationship to work, wanted to really open up to another person, that he had to work on himself as well. 

“You are brave, Buck, trust me,” Steve reassured him. “Y’know there’s not a lotta people out there who would be able to do what you’re doing after something like this, right?”

“I thought I wasn’t supposed to compare my progress with other people’s,” Bucky grimaced, reminding Steve of what his doctor, his family and also Sam had told him.

At that, Steve grinned and placed a small kiss on the tip of Bucky’s nose. “You’re right. Doesn’t make you any less brave and extraordinary though, just so you know. But anythin’ I can do to help, and I mean anything, you gotta let me know, okay? I’m gonna help you recover if you let me, or at least be there for you every step of the way.”

Bucky smiled sadly. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Steve. I could have a relapse any day.”

“I intend to keep that promise. I’m aware that being with you and loving you won’t automatically heal you or make what you’ve gone through any less horrible; I know that. But I want you to get better. And I’m with you till the end of the line.”

Biting his lip, Bucky looked into Steve’s eyes, and he realised Steve meant every word he’d said. “It’ll probably be a real bumpy ride,” he warned him softly.

“I don’t care. Till the end of the line,” Steve repeated.

With another sniffle Bucky nodded and palmed Steve’s hand still resting on his cheek. “I think ’m gonna start crying if you don’t kiss me right now,” he mumbled, only half joking. 

Steve smiled and immediately leaned close to press his lips to Bucky’s in a sweet, chaste kiss that was a promise of so much more to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, forgive me for disappearing!! I was insanely busy finishing my bachelor thesis and then I was just so exhausted from all that writing that the progress on this story was practically nonexistent 'cause everything I wrote was horrible. But now I think this chapter turned out quite okay and I hope you all like it. I actually considered ending this fic with this chapter but I think there might still be potential for more.   
> Also, I obviously have no idea what it takes to open a café in America but if an inexperienced, lying, bigoted cheeto can become president Bucky definitely can become the owner of a café without having any real qualifications.


	32. Chapter 32

They spent the rest of the day in Steve’s bed, nibbling on cookies dipped in molten ice cream, exchanging lazy kisses and relishing the time with each other. Bucky enjoyed being able to snuggle into Steve’s arms, knowing that there were no responsibilities he needed to tend to. Not today.

Sometime late in the afternoon, Steve shortly got up to grab them something to drink and switched on soft music. Crawling back into bed, Steve pushed the blanket aside and stretched out on his back, indicating to Bucky to cuddle up again. With a pout, Bucky declared he needed a blanket for snuggling. Steve raised a brow. 

“It’s way too warm for blankets.”

“Don’t care. It’s so much better.”

Dramatically, Steve huffed out a breath and sat up to tug at the hem of his shirt. “Fine, then I gotta take this off or I’ll get a heatstroke.”

“That’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make,” Bucky grinned before biting his bottom lip and watching Steve pull the offending article of clothing over his head.

“What? The heatstroke?” A well-aimed toss and the shirt landed on a chair that was already buried under clothes.

Rolling his eyes, Bucky replied, “No, punk, having to lie in bed with my shirtless boyfriend.”

“Pff. C’mere, jerk.”

Bucky obliged and scooted close, pressing his body against Steve’s side, draping his right arm over Steve’s stomach and resting his head on his chest, tracing the lines of his body with his eyes. Sometimes he wondered how Steve even found the time to work out and look like he’d personally modelled for Michelangelo’s body studies or frescoes (not the weird sibyl ones, though, they kinda creeped him out – even if according to Steve men had modelled for them, which honestly explained so much). Not that he’d ever complain, in fact he could barely keep his hands to himself and started tracing patterns over his boyfriend’s stomach, marvelling at the perfect six pack.

One day he’d show him just how beautiful he thought Steve was. The few showers they had shared and the soft touches that had turned into more had been more than just nice, but Steve deserved so much more. Bucky wanted to explore every inch of Steve’s body, learn every spot that made him shiver and squirm, and show him just how much he adored him. But somehow it felt wrong, maybe because Bucky still couldn’t quite believe that Steve actually wanted him, too, maybe because of his experiences. And how could he give Steve everything he deserved when he wasn’t even ready to expose every part of himself?

“What’re you thinkin’ about?”

“How’d I ever get so lucky?” he mumbled in response.

Steve chuckled and poked him between the ribs with a finger. “I’m the lucky one, I mean, have you looked into a mirror recently?”

Rolling his eyes, Bucky shifted. “Yeah, still not nearly as hot as you are. I’m serious, Steve.” He looked up at him, ghosting his fingertips over Steve’s bare chest, eliciting goosebumps on his skin.

“Me, too. But well, if you really wanna know, it kinda started out by me being a stalker who’d come into your café just to see you. Don’t get me wrong, your pastries are delicious but the one thing to die for in there is you.”

Bucky stared down to hide his blush and murmured, “Can you stop being so dramatic for once? I mean it, you’re just so…” 

“I’m not dramatic, I’m completely, one hundred percent serious.” Steve’s grin betrayed his words.

With a soft shake of his head Bucky continued to run his fingers over Steve’s skin, listening to his heartbeat beneath his chest and his soft breath over the quiet music. He could feel hands stroking through his hair and playing with single strands and he smiled as he closed his eyes, enjoying the attention.

Still he couldn’t help but think about their earlier conversation. It was probably best if he looked for a shrink specialised in PTSD, or at least went to Sam’s group sessions to check them out. It wasn’t like he’d have to talk about everything immediately, he told himself. And if he was completely honest with himself he was actually quite proud of himself. Telling Steve hadn’t been easy and it definitely hadn’t been fun but he had done it. He could do it again, eventually, to work through the trauma. At least he hoped so.

“Would you do something for me?” Steve asked into the silence.

“Anything.”

He chuckled. “Not so fast. You should probably wait till you hear what I wanna ask you.” 

“Fine. Whaddaya want?”

“Would you be comfortable with…” Steve paused, clearly searching for the right words. “Someday, if it’s okay with you and you maybe feel better about your arm, can you imagine… that you would take your shirt off when we go to sleep together? Or when we just lie around like this and cuddle? ‘s totally fine if you never wanna, really. I was just thinking that I’d really, uh, y’know…”

Bucky sat up to look into Steve’s eyes. “Yeah?”

“I’d really like to show you that your arm is nothing you have to hate or be ashamed of,” Steve whispered and the blush spreading over his cheeks and down to his chest was the cutest thing Bucky had ever seen. “I want to feel your skin against mine one day. All of it.”

“Oh… um…” Very eloquent, Bucky thought to himself. Even if Steve didn’t mind all the burns and scars Bucky felt incredible insecure about them. Chewing on his bottom lip, he nodded once, though. “I’d really, uh, like that, too. It’s just…”

“You’re not ready yet?” Steve offered.

“Yeah. Might take some time, ‘m sorry.”

“There’s no need to apologise, really. Whatever you feel comfortable with, it’s fine.”

For several moments, Bucky met Steve’s eyes, thinking. Then he looked down at his hands. “How ‘bout… how about I roll up my sleeves for now?” he asked, uncertain if it was enough.

Steve’s reaction made him wonder no longer; he beamed a smile at him and took his hands. But in the next moment his expression changed and got serious again. “But only if you’re really okay with it.”

Bucky affirmed it quietly and pulled up his right sleeve first. He only hesitated for a second before tugging the left one up to his elbow as well. Then he lay back down next to Steve again, watching him. Steve turned onto his side to kiss him softly. When he pulled back, his eyes traced down to Bucky’s forearm, taking in the bumpy, irregular skin that ranged from almost white patches to a dark, angry red.

“May I touch you?” he asked softly. 

Another nod from Bucky was all the answer he got. Bucky kept telling himself that there was nothing to worry about. Steve had seen his arm before, had even kissed it. He wouldn’t have done that if he’d thought it was disgusting. He just wanted to help Bucky feel a little more normal. 

Interpreting Bucky’s quietness the wrong way, Steve assured him, “I’m not gonna hurt you, promise.”

Bucky wasn’t able to hold back a dry laugh. “You could probably stick a torrid needle into my arm and I wouldn’t feel it.”

Steve winced. “Sorry, I didn’t mean…”

“I know. ’s okay.”

Nonetheless, Steve’s touches were feather-light and if Bucky hadn’t been watching his every movement he definitely wouldn’t have noticed. Fingertips traced the ridges as Steve’s other hand took Bucky’s once more and turned his arm a little. When Steve leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Bucky’s wrist his breath hitched but he held completely still. Steve’s lips wandered over the inside of his forearm and up to his elbow. Bucky desperately wished he could actually feel it. He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them again Steve was looking up at him through his lashes.

“You mean the world to me.” Bucky’s voice was barely more than a whisper and it wasn’t even what he’d wanted to say but he found that he meant it from the bottom of his heart. “I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you.”

Steve smiled at him and caressed the scarred skin. “I love you, too, Bucky. So much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know we don't exactly have a lot of plot atm but Kelly wanted fluff so that's what you'll all get - sickeningly sweet fluff, here you go! (Also, as always, so many kudos to Kelly for answering all my stupid questions and helping me with the relationship parts and everything!!) I hope you like it! And we'll get back to the plot soon, promise  
> ((I also started another Steve/Bucky fic and uploaded it here so if you like fake relationship stories check it out c: ))  
> And last but not least a happy Easter to everyone who celebrates it! :)


	33. Chapter 33

“You look happy,” was the first thing Scott noted when he followed Natasha into the café’s kitchen the next morning. “Had a nice day?”

Bucky looked up from the cheesecakes he’d just taken out of the oven and smiled at his employees. “Yeah, I did.”

“I bet Steve made sure you had a real good time,” Natasha smirked.

“Do you have to be like this?” Bucky grumbled, rolling his eyes.

Coming up next to him, Natasha went up on her tiptoes and kissed Bucky’s cheek. “You know me.”

“Unfortunately, I do.” Shaking his head, he turned his attention back to the cake, but he was still smiling. With half an ear he listened to Scott and Natasha chatting about some movie Scott had watched the previous night, surprised that his best friend wasn’t interrogating him for once.

In fact, Natasha seemed almost suspiciously uninterested in anything concerning Bucky and his free day. He wondered what that was all about – not that he minded being spared from her snarky comments for once, definitely not, it was just so unusual that he couldn’t help but notice.

When she left the kitchen he turned to Scott. “What’s up with her? Anything out of the ordinary happen yesterday?”

“Nope. Nothing at all. Dunno what’s going on,” Scott claimed and Bucky snorted. The guy was perhaps the worst liar he’d ever met – that was probably the reason why he’d been a thief, not a conman.

Before Bucky could ask any further questions, though, Scott quickly went after Natasha, mumbling something about having to check the sugar casters and looking after the coffee machine. Bucky shook his head and started preparing the next batch of pastry. He could hear Natasha and Scott talking in hushed voices and then the front door unlocked and the bell jingled. In the next moment it sounded like someone stumbled into a couple of chairs and then he heard Clint cursing. ‘ _Who else_ ,’ he thought to himself and called a greeting out to his friend.

Clint yelled back a “Hey!” and appeared in the doorway to wave at Bucky. “You got anything to eat?”

“No, we’re already out of everything even though we just opened a minute ago.” Bucky rolled his eyes and nodded over to the croissants on the other end of the kitchen counter. “Try one of those. _One_ , Clint, dammit, not five!”

“’s for Nat ‘n Scott, too,” Clint replied with his mouth full of croissant and beat a hasty retreat before Bucky could do more than scowl at him. He was positive Clint would eat all the pastries by himself.

When the earlier low mumbling started again, Bucky couldn’t contain his curiosity any longer and sneaked towards the door to catch a few words. Of course Natasha somehow heard him coming and immediately stopped talking for a moment before asking Clint for one of the croissants in a normal voice.

Sighing, Bucky went to the sink, washed his hands and pulled his phone from his pocket.

 _If anything happens to me in the next couple days tell the police to look into Clint, Nat and Scott. Nat’s gonna be too sneaky to get caught but maybe the others will talk_ , he texted Steve.

His mobile pinged with a new message a few minutes later. **_Why? What’s going on?_**

_No idea but they’re acting suspicious, whispering behind my back and all. And Clint’s already here and wide awake (or at least his version of wide awake). At 9.30. On a Saturday._

**_That definitely sounds suspicious ;) I’ll talk to the police if I find your body in a pool of blood in the kitchen_ **

Bucky grinned but still replied, _That’s not funny, Steve_

**_It kinda is. I’m sure they’re just talking about something that happened yesterday_ **

_Like what??_

**_Dunno… Peggy and Angie moving in together but wanting to tell you themselves? Another asshole who harassed someone and got beaten up by Natasha? It’s probably nothing, don’t worry about it, babe_ **

**_Of course you could also just ask if they’re planning to murder you_ **

_You’re not helping. Nat might actually take that as a challenge_

Speak of the devil – Natasha interrupted his frantic texting when she leaned against the doorframe and smiled innocently at him. “You free tonight?”

Bucky pocketed his phone and nodded. “Yeah, sure, don’t have any plans yet, why’re you asking? What’s going on?”

“Nothing. We’re getting dinner. You, me, some burgers and time to talk. I barely see you outside of work anymore because you’re always with Steve.”

“To be fair, you didn’t see me outside of work much before, either, ‘cause I mostly slept when I wasn’t working.”

Natasha winked. “And now you’re just sleeping with Steve, huh? Anyway, don’t you dare make any other plans for tonight. We’re gonna have some us-time.”

“Can’t wait,” Bucky sighed dramatically.

Turning on her heel, Natasha flipped him off over her shoulder and called, “Don’t sound so pained, I know you love me no matter what you say.” With that she left to greet a customer. 

***

After a long and exhausting day in the café, Bucky was really glad to go to dinner with Natasha again, even if he wouldn’t tell her that. It felt good to talk to her about anything and everything, listen to her stories about Clint’s current mischief and enjoy the food at their favourite burger place. He even apologised for spending so much time with Steve and neglecting his friends whereupon Natasha told him not to be stupid.

“I’m happy you finally found someone who really makes you smile again,” she said quietly and patted his hand. “It’s been too long since I’ve seen you like this. He’s good for you.”

“Yeah, he is,” Bucky agreed. Then, “I, uh, I actually talked to him yesterday. I didn’t tell him everything but, y’know, most of it…”

She immediately understood and raised a brow. “Do tell. How’d he react?”

“He told me how brave I was and that he wants to help me get better. He said he’s gonna stay with me and support me no matter how hard it’ll get. ‘Till the end of the line’.”

“Wow. That boy really is in it for the long haul, huh?” Natasha’s words lacked their usual irony, instead they were warm and earnest. “I’m so happy for you, James. You deserve this, y’know.”

Bucky smiled softly. “Thanks.”

“Does that mean you’re also finally going to consider talking to someone?” she asked. Since he’d moved in with her and Clint and even after he’d opened his business and gotten his own place she had occasionally broached the subject of going to therapy. She knew he would shut down if she urged him to do anything he didn’t want to but this time Bucky actually nodded once.

“Yeah, kinda. I mean I’ve been thinking ‘bout checking out one of Sam’s group sessions. You know, Steve’s friend who was in the army, too. He does group counselling.”

Apparently, Natasha was satisfied with that answer, and soon they moved on to different topics. When they finally agreed to call it a night Bucky spontaneously decided to walk her home – not that she needed his protection, everyone who would so much as think about talking to her the wrong way was not to be envied. However, it wasn’t far to Steve’s place from the bar they had been at and only about fifteen more minutes from Natasha and Clint’s apartment so he might as well see if Steve was still up.

Natasha hugged Bucky when they arrived at her apartment complex. “I’m so proud of you, you know that?” she asked and caressed his cheek.

He grinned sheepishly. “Um, thank you? I’m gonna go now before you get all emotional, okay? Good night.”

“Sleep well,” she replied and started searching for her keys. When Bucky was halfway down the road, she called after him, “I still think you’re a loser, though!”

“That’s my girl!” he called back and laughed. As he crossed the road he checked his phone. No calls or texts but it was still early enough that Steve might still be working on his latest commission.

Only a few minutes later he slipped into the building Steve lived in, passing Tony who smirked at him, and knocked on Steve’s door. He could hear footsteps from inside, then the door opened. Steve seemed a little surprised but immediately beamed at him. Bucky almost melted when he saw Steve wearing his black rimmed glasses paired with that infectious smile.

“Hey, didn’t expect to see you tonight. Come on in.” He took Bucky’s hand pulled him inside. Once the door was closed, he rested his hands on Bucky’s waist and kissed him. He tasted like mint and chocolate and Bucky sighed happily. “So, what brings you here?”

“I was in the neighbourhood and thought I’d come by and check if you’re up. Mind if I sleep here?”

“Why, did your imaginary roommate kick you out?”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “No, punk, I just like falling asleep next to my boyfriend, even if he turns into a smothering octopus at night.”

“I do not!” Steve protested.

“You totally do. I also was wondering if you could maybe ask Sam if he’s okay with you giving me his number?”

“Yeah, no problem. But for now, how do bed, a book and cuddles sound to you? I was just about to go to bed and maybe read a chapter or two before I fall asleep.”

Slowly steering Steve backwards into the living room, Bucky nodded and kissed him again and again. “Sounds perfect,” he mumbled between soft pecks.

With a detour into the bathroom Bucky followed Steve into his bedroom. He got comfortable on his back and Steve snuggled into him, his head resting on Bucky’s left shoulder after being reassured that yes, it was perfectly fine, there was no need to worry about it. Bucky wrapped his left arm around Steve and closed his eyes to listen to Steve’s soft breaths and the occasional turning of pages.

“Steve?” he whispered some time later.

His boyfriend hummed in acknowledgement.

“I think my arm just fell asleep. I can’t feel it.”

Instantly, Steve lifted his head and scooted over to look at Bucky, an apology already on his lips when he saw Bucky’s wide grin.

“You’re an idiot,” Steve grumbled and poked him into the side. Bucky made an indignant, squeaking sound and before he knew it Steve was on top of him, straddling his hips and tickling him until Bucky could barely breathe anymore.

“Aren’t you – too old for – tickle fights?!” he panted and tried to shove Steve off of him but Steve just slumped down, covering Bucky’s body with his own and resting his head in the crook of Bucky’s neck, giving the skin a nip.

“No. Y’know, I like it here. I think ‘m gonna sleep like this. G’night.” He took off his glasses and tossed them onto the nightstand carelessly.

“Don’t you dare! You’re actually gonna suffocate me. Unless that was your plan all along. You’re hand in glove with Nat and Scott, aren’t you? You’re trying to kill me to take over my café.”

“Absolutely.” Steve grinned and moved around a little to get more comfortable on top of Bucky. “Now you got me. Sleep well.”

“Steeeeeeve!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This turned out a little fluffier and dorkier than planned but hey, it happens. Have some supportive Natasha and secretive friends plus childish Steve - he did not actually smother Bucky during the night, don't worry! ^^  
> On another note - more than 10,000 hits, whaaat! Thank you guys so so so much for that and all the comments, kudos, bookmarks and subscriptions, it means so much to me that you like this story and keep reading it! ♥


	34. Chapter 34

A few days later, Bucky was pacing in front of a nondescript, grey building, freezing in the cold evening air. His fingers that were currently holding his phone were only partly shaking because of the cold, though. He was a nervous wreck, even though he knew his anxiety was unfounded – being aware of that never helped, it only made him feel worse.

 _I can’t do this,_ he texted Steve and immediately sent another message saying, _I’m going back home._

**_Sure you can, Buck. You don’t have to talk, just go there and listen, okay? Sam doesn’t make anyone talk and if you do say anything he’s not gonna tell me_ **

_That’s not what I’m worried about. I just don’t want him to think I’m weird._ And he didn’t want anyone to see right through the façade he had so carefully built over the past months and that he barely let down around anybody besides Steve and Natasha.

Ten seconds later, Bucky’s phone started ringing in his hand and he accepted the call hesitantly with a “I’m not gonna go” that sounded a lot more insecure than he had intended.

“Bucky, Sam’s not gonna think you’re weird. You’ve met him, remember? He knows you have been through a lot of horrible things and he understands. He’s had to deal with his own experiences and he’s not gonna judge you for anything. Just, please, go in there and listen, see what it’s like. I promise Sam’s real good at what he does and he’s not gonna pressure you into doing anything you don’t wanna, kay?”

Bucky chewed on his bottom lip and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear, finally stopping to walk back and forth on the sidewalk. Somehow he had the feeling that someone was watching him and he glanced around self-consciously. “What if the others think I’m weird?” He knew he was unreasonable but he just couldn’t help it.

“They’re there to talk about their own problems so nobody’s gonna think you’re weird. Everyone’s got their crosses to bear, that’s why it’s a support group, y’know. Please, Buck, go in there. If you’re not comfortable with sharing in front of a group and one of my friends I’m sure Sam can recommend someone who’s specialised in helping veterans with PTSD.”

For several seconds Bucky was quiet. He didn’t want to join the support group, didn’t want to be confronted with all the horrors of war yet again. A few minutes earlier he had seen how a man a few years older than him had walked into the building and Bucky had noticed his slight limp. Something about the man had looked just as bleak and broken as Bucky felt every time he couldn’t take his mind off of everything by burying himself in work, even though he couldn’t exactly say what it was that gave it away. “I’m scared, Steve,” he finally admitted in a whisper.

He could hear Steve shift around and set something down, then he said, “Alright, talk to me. What exactly are you afraid of?”

Bucky sat down on a low wall adjacent to the building and played with the chain of his tags absentmindedly. He had considered taking them off countless times as they were yet another reminder of his past but somehow he couldn’t bring himself to do so since they were also reminiscent of the first two years in the army with the Howling Commandoes, and taking them off felt like he was betraying them in some way.

“I… If I see what the war has done to the others I might not be able to act like I’m fine, either, y’know.”

“You don’t have to pretend you’re fine,” Steve reminded him gently. “That’s why you’re there.”

“I just don’t wanna break down in front of everybody… Or disappoint you.”

“Why would you disappoint me? I couldn’t be more proud of you. You’re willing to give rehabilitation a shot and that’s so brave.”

“What if I fail? What if it doesn’t work?” Bucky hated how small his voice was.

“It’s gonna take time and you’ll have to keep working on it, but I’m sure you’re gonna get better, okay? And you don’t have to go through all of this alone, you have me, and Natasha, and Clint, and your family and even Scott and Sam if you let them help you. You’re not alone. And nobody expects you to get better in a month or two. Give yourself a little credit, you’ve already told me about it without breaking down and that was a huge deal. I can’t even imagine how hard that must’ve been.”

“But that was different. That was you.”

He could hear the smile in Steve’s voice at his next words. “I know, Buck. Go in there, please. You can do it. I’ll pick you up afterwards, alright? If it’s not your thing you never gotta go again. Sam will understand and so will everybody else.”

“Kay…” When someone cleared their throat behind him and tapped him on the shoulder Bucky practically whirled around to find Sam smiling at him. “I gotta go now…” he told Steve.

“You’re gonna be okay, Buck. I love you.”

“Love you, too,” Bucky mumbled and felt his cheeks flush as he ended the call.

Sam’s smile grew. Putting out his hand, he asked, “That Steve?”

Bucky nodded and shook the proffered hand, giving a nervous smile. “Hey, man. Thanks for letting me join you today.” Even if he didn’t want to go inside he hadn’t forgotten his manners.

“No problem. Just check it out, I’m sure there’s no need to be nervous.”

“I’m not… How do you know?”

Rubbing the back of his neck, Sam grinned. “Right before the first time I went to counselling I called Steve for a pep talk, too. Don’t worry, you don’t gotta share anything. You just talk when you’re ready if you decide this is something for you. Wanna come on in?”

“Uh, yeah, I guess…” It would be stupid to leave now so Bucky followed Sam into the dull building. The interior was just as bland as the front – white walls with ugly prints every few steps, a greyish-brown linoleum floor showing signs of years of wear, neon lights illuminating the hallway and the room Sam headed into, casting deep shadows on the faces of the people already sitting on folding chairs and making them look tired and sickly. Sam had told him their usual venue was being renovated so the group had to fall back on this place and Bucky already despised it.

He glanced around the room filled with almost two dozen people as he took one of the free seats. As Sam walked around to talk to some of the other participants, all smiles and soft words, Bucky gave each of them a closer look. A few were about his mother’s age or even older but Bucky guessed most of the other veterans were in their early thirties to mid-forties. It was obvious which ones of them had only recently come back home. The haunted look in their eyes, the slouched shoulders were all too familiar and Bucky recognised himself in their posture. They looked just as uncomfortable and restless as he felt at this moment. The others seemed mostly calm, some engrossed in quiet conversations, probably having known each other for years judging by the familiarity Bucky perceived.

When everyone had settled into their chairs and all eyes were on Sam he greeted all of them, his voice gentle. He introduced himself and Bucky was glad to realise he wasn’t the only new member of the group. As Sam encouraged the others to speak if they had something they wanted to talk about Bucky sank deeper in his chair and tried to make himself invisible. Sam pretended not to notice but a man around his age sitting across the room briefly smiled at him sympathetically.

A blonde woman in her forties who introduced herself as Carol eventually spoke up. She told them how she had been on her way to the grocery store as she’d come across a former comrade of hers, sitting on the street in filthy clothes. When she described how he hadn’t recognised her, how he’d stared at her and started screaming when she’d kneeled down in front of him and leaned close Bucky gritted his teeth. He knew he was lucky not to have ended up on the streets like thousands of others veterans and he had his family and friends to thank for that. As Carol described how helpless she had felt seeing her friend like this Bucky clenched his hands to fists in the pockets of his dark hoodie. He tried to block out her voice while she explained how their base had been attacked and what she and her former friend had gone through. He wanted to go home.

Bucky barely caught anything else the people around him replied or the snippets of their lives that they talked about as he concentrated to breathe steadily and keep the pictures that threatened to come back at bay. Carol’s story reminded him of his own and he wished he were anywhere but in this stupid group. This definitely wasn’t the right thing for him. When the group session finally ended Bucky was still staring blankly on the ground. There was a swoosh in his ears and he felt sick.

“Hey, Buck.” Steve’s quiet voice finally brought him back to reality and he looked up to see his boyfriend looking back at him. Behind him, Sam was talking to a few people. “You okay?”

Shaking his head, Bucky got up even though his legs felt like jello and grabbed Steve’s hand. “I need some fresh air,” he mumbled and was relieved when Steve let himself be dragged out of the room without protest. Outside, he leaned against the wall and took a couple deep breaths.

“That bad?” Steve asked compassionately and pulled Bucky into a hug when he hummed in confirmation.

“Hey, Rogers!”

Steve turned around and spotted one of the men who had been talking to Sam leaving the building, smiling at him. “Hi, Rhodey.”

“It’s been a while. You waiting for Sam?”

“Yeah, we are.”

“Oh, this your guy?” Rhodey grinned at Bucky when Steve nodded. “Nice to meet you, I’m Rhodey. I heard a lot about you. ‘m sorry but I’m kinda in a hurry, was nice seeing you ‘round again, Rogers.” He waved, then headed towards a dark blue car.

“Tony’s best friend,” Steve explained, “he was at his birthday party, too, but I don’t think you were introduced.”

Before Bucky could reply anything Sam stepped out of the building and walked over to him and Steve.

“Hey, guys. So, Bucky, I gotta say you didn’t really seem comfortable in there,” Sam noted bluntly. “I know this place is horrible and I’m sorry about that but it was more the group talk, wasn’t it?”

Bucky gave a soft nod and Steve put and arm around his waist to pull him close.

“I get it, not everyone likes this kind of sessions. And you should know that support programs aren’t the same as therapy. We help each other, we hope to make the others feel better about their lives despite the anger and fear and everything and it can be a great addition to talking to a therapist but it can’t substitute therapy. I think you should think about…”

At that point Bucky stopped listening. It wasn’t even that he hadn’t expected Sam to say something like this, after all he and Steve had done research a couple days earlier, but it had all been so much: work, then the group and the other veterans’ terrible experiences, and he was drained. Only when Sam handed him a white business card did he snap back to attention.

“…he’s specialised in PTSD treatment and works with a lot of vets, I know him personally and he is a really great guy. Consider giving him a call, okay?”

“I…” Bucky cleared his throat. “I’ll do that. Thank you, really.” He stared down at the card.

 _Dr Bruce Banner_ , it read in dark green letters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real life finally caught up with me again full force and I also have another few fics I'm working on so I'm sorry it took this long to update :/ I also struggled with this chapter since I know rather little about veterans and PTSD but I hope you like it nonetheless and if there's anything that's incorrect please let me know :)


	35. Chapter 35

Bucky was standing right next to the ajar kitchen door, peeking into the café and watching Natasha and Scott mumbling with each other, an ominous smirk on Natasha’s face, when two arms snaked around his middle from behind. He bit his tongue to keep himself from squeaking in surprise and tried to turn around but the arms just tightened around him. 

“Hey, baby,” a familiar voice purred into his ear.

“Steve, don’t sneak up on me like this!” he hissed, mindful to stay quiet to avoid catching his employees’ attention. “And get out of my kitchen.”

“But I miss you,” Steve pouted and finally let go of Bucky who turned around and leaned back against the doorframe.

Crossing his arms, he raised a brow. “You just saw me last night, we had coffee together earlier and you already came into my kitchen today. Twice. I already told you, I’m busy.”

Steve sighed and kept pouting. “What with? I thought you’re taking a break. At least that’s what Natasha said.”

“I am. I’m tryna figure out what the hell Nat and Scott are up to. They’re still acting weird.” He took a step forward and gestured at the door so Steve could peek through the door crack. It was not like Natasha to act all suspicious; usually she was the sneakiest person he knew so he just knew something out of the ordinary was going on. He wasn’t imagining things.

The upside was that his friends’ strange behaviour took his mind off of the group session two days earlier. So far he had successfully managed to avoid thinking too hard about what he’d seen and heard, how the other veterans’ stories had affected him and how much he had wanted to bury himself in his blankets and never come out again after the meeting. Since business was relatively slow at the moment and he didn’t need to worry about working 24/7, his best friend’s and newest employee’s secretiveness was a good diversion. Even Clint was acting (or rather, texting) shady whenever Bucky sent him messages asking what the hell his girlfriend was up to. He had finally given up trying to get him to spill when he’d realised that Clint’s approach on changing the topic was sending even more bird memes than usual. Half of the pictures on Bucky’s phone now showed various kinds of parrots or ducks with the weirdest captions.

Steve looked from Bucky to the door and back as an amused grin spread over his face. He glanced at Scott and Natasha for a moment and then leaned close. “You still think they’re trying to murder you?” he whispered conspiratorially into Bucky’s ear as he wrapped his arms around Bucky’s waist once more and traced soft kisses down his neck.

“You’re here to distract me,” Bucky accused him and insisted, “they are up to something. I’ve never seen Nat like this and I’ve known her forever.” Nonetheless, he gave up trying to get out of Steve’s embrace and instead slid his hands into the back pockets of Steve’s jeans to pull him close. 

Steve hummed in contentment and smiled brightly. “Actually I didn’t only come in to see you,” he admitted and pecked Bucky’s lips, “but also to tell you Sam’s here.”

So much for taking his mind off of things. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Sam less since he’d been in his support group, quite the opposite, but he immediately felt guilty because he hadn’t talked to him in the past couple days and the card he had handed Bucky was buried beneath a pile of junk mail on his kitchen table. Somehow, he still didn’t feel ready to deal with… all of his past, really. He had promised himself to check out Dr Banner’s website with Steve this Friday but before that he really didn’t want to think about it.

Steve, who immediately noticed the slight tension in Bucky’s body, was quick to assure, “Don’t worry, he’s just here ‘cause he’s sick and tired of me rambling about how delicious everything in here is and he came because I convinced him he should try your pastries. I was hoping you could recommend him something…”

“Oh, okay, sure.”

“…and I can show off with my cute, talented boyfriend who bakes the best pastries in the entire world in front of my best friend,” Steve teased. “But don’t tell him I said that your food tastes better than his!”

Bucky gave him a scrutinizing look. “Okay, I knew you were sappy but what’s going on with you today?”

“Nothing. Just happy to see you. And maybe I was hoping you’d let me sleep over at your place tonight?”

“And why would I do that?” Bucky teased.

Looking at him with wide, pleading eyes Steve placed soft kisses on Bucky’s lips, mumbling, “Because you love me… and you like spending time with me … and cuddling… and kissing me… and you also secretly love that I’m a very clingy sleeper?” between every other kiss.

“Fine, I might consider it.” 

The door next to them flew open and made Bucky flinch as Natasha entered the kitchen. 

“You two are so cute, it’s gross, stop it,” she said. “Steve, your buddy’s still waiting and he started to worry you might have forgotten about him. I told him you’re not allowed to have sex in here so you probably wouldn’t be too long but that didn’t really seem to reassure him so I promised to let you know you’re a bad friend.”

At those words Steve blushed a little and Bucky scowled at Natasha. “You’re unbelievable. We’re coming.” With that, he took Steve’s hand and pulled him after Natasha and into the café where Sam was waiting near the counter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a pretty short chapter but I'm sick and this is all I can manage for now, hope you like it nonetheless :)  
> Furthermore, I have a friend who constantly sends me bird memes. All the time. So. Many. Bird. Pictures. I thought this would totally be a thing Clint would do as well and he would drive everyone crazy with it. Except for Natasha. She secretly loves it. And Sam would probably think it's hilarious but they're not texting (yet?)


	36. Chapter 36

It was hot, so unbearably hot, and for a moment Bucky thought he was back in Shelbyville during the hottest summer of his childhood but it couldn’t be. No, he wasn’t eleven years old anymore and this wasn’t Shelbyville. It was even hotter and the sounds were all wrong. Those weren’t the excited shouts of the kids living in his neighbourhood. The screams around him were ones of sheer terror and agony. It took several seconds to realise they were his own but even then he couldn’t stop screaming. He couldn’t see anything but the flaming red behind his eyelids, feel nothing but the heat and excruciating pain.

He was positive that he was surrounded by smoke which seemed to crawl down his throat into his lungs and slowly suffocate him. His cries slowly turned into whimpers as it got harder and harder to breathe and suddenly there were other sounds, familiar voices calling out, no, bellowing his name. Bucky tried to curl in on himself but he found he couldn’t move, couldn’t even press his hands to his ears. Not that it would have helped since the voices were inside his head, shouting at him, cursing him. Finally he forced his eyes open. He regretted it instanly. Around him, the world was cloaked in dark smoke through which even darker figures were slowly making their way towards him. Behind the wall of smoke to his right he saw the dark red glow of fire. He tried to crawl into its direction, away from the black shadows coming closer. The fire scared him but those figures were even more terrifying. If they would get him he would die a slow, agonising death, of that he was certain. The enemy wanted him alive, at least for now. The fire would save him from the torture.

They were close now, so close that Bucky could have seen their faces – if they had had any. All he could see, though, was bloody, mashed up flesh with splintered bones protruding. They may once have been faces but were now unrecognisable. But the clothes the figures wore were familiar, uniforms he had seen countless times right in front of him and suddenly he knew who those people were. They were even worse than the enemy, in fact, they were the real enemy. The one in his own ranks. One of them crouched down down and a burning hand wrapped around his ankle and dragged him over the ground to the others. 

With a scream, Bucky sat up in his bed, panting hard and dripping with sweat. His heart was pounding painfully in his chest and he couldn’t get enough air as his lungs constricted. He started shaking and clasped his hands together, digging the fingers of his left hand into the skin just above his right wrist so hard that his fingernails drew blood. The pain didn’t help, not really, but at least he knew he was awake again. Desperately he tried to get his breath under control but it still came in hiccups that mixed with sobs the longer he sat there, staring into the darkness and trying to get a grip on himself. 

Focus, he remembered, he needed something to focus on. With a shaking hand he switched on the bedside lamp and blinked for a few seconds in the too bright light. There was nothing in his bedroom that could hold his attention for more than a second and his eyes flickered around frantically looking for something to focus on. 

Natasha. Her name crossed his mind and he let out another broken sob. She knew what to do, had stayed with him through several flashbacks and panic attacks. He almost knocked his phone off the nightstand as he reached for it. It took four tries to unlock it, then he dialled her number and pressed the mobile to his ear, still breathing hard. After seven rings the call went to voicemail and he whimpered when Natasha’s cheerful voice told him to leave a message. He ended the call and dug his nails into his thigh through his pyjama pants. 

He stared unseeingly at the screen that eventually turned black again and bit his quivering lip. The bloody, bashed in faces danced in front of his eyes no matter how many times he blinked, the faint cries were still ringing in his ears and his heart just wouldn’t stop racing erratically. They had wanted him dead but the people he had been taught to hate, the people who were the enemy everybody had warned him about had gotten them first. In a cruel, twisted way they had saved him. 

Bucky didn’t realise he was crying until the first tears dropped onto his phone. He couldn’t deal with this, not now, not ever, but there was nothing he could do to forget either. He couldn’t even get up and he most certainly couldn’t go back to sleep. Then, finally, he thought about Steve. What would he think if he saw Bucky right now? Would he finally realise how much of a fucked up mess he was? How the war had destroyed him and left nothing but a pathetic shadow behind, someone with such an amount of issues that he was in danger of being crushed by them any moment, a man so terrified of confronting his baggage that he constantly tried to run and hide from them?

No, he decided, Steve had proven more than once that he didn’t think of Bucky the way Bucky thought of himself. Wiping the tears off his face even though they were immediately followed by more, Bucky unlocked his phone again and called Steve. After only two rings it was picked and when Steve’s sleepy, worried voice mumbled “Bucky?” he started whimpering again.

“Hey, hey, shhh, Buck, what’s wrong?”

Bucky couldn’t answer, his throat felt constricted and the only sounds leaving it were soft hiccups and more sobs.

“Where are you? Are you at home? I’m coming over, okay?” He could hear rustling in the background, then Steve’s voice again. “Stay on the phone with me, alright? I’ll be right there.” A soft tinkling, presumably of keys being picked up, then a door was shut and Steve was rushing down the stairs while murmuring soft words into the phone. Bucky started gently rocking back and forth, his fingers still painfully digging into his thigh, and listened to Steve even though he barely caught anything he said.

An eternity later Steve finally told him he was standing in front of the back door and asked if Bucky could get up to let him in. Bucky’s knees almost gave in but somehow he managed to stagger into the hallway, buzz open the back door and press down the handle of his apartment door. Steve appeared only seconds later, dressed in sweatpants and a pyjama shirt, his hair a mess, and still clutching onto his phone. He stopped right in front of the door, looking at Bucky with a mixture of fear and uncertainty, unsure what he should do. He was panting and Bucky was sure he had run the entire way from his apartment to Bucky's.

Bucky took a step back to let him in and Steve hesitantly reached out a hand for him. When Bucky didn’t flinch away he gently cupped his face and wiped a few tears away. Bucky closed his eyes and took a shallow breath, then he opened them again and took a hold of Steve’s shirt with shaking hands that immediately clutched into fists around the fabric and pulled Steve close. He pressed his face into the crook of Steve’s neck and Steve wrapped his arms around him.

Neither of them said a word and Bucky was sure he wouldn’t be able to speak even if he wanted to. It was hard enough not to break down right there in Steve’s arms and he just couldn’t get his goddamn breathing under control. His lungs hurt and he felt dizzy.

He didn’t know how long they stood in the open doorway like this but eventually, Steve broke the silence and whispered, “Can you breathe with me? C’mon, sweetheart, breathe with me, concentrate on that, yeah?” His hand rubbed soft circles on Bucky’s back as he took slow, deep breaths and encouraged Bucky to do the same until his breathing finally matched Steve’s. The ringing in Bucky’s ears slowly faded and he slumped into Steve, grateful that his boyfriend was strong enough to hold him.

“You wanna sit down? Do you think you can make it to the bedroom?”

Bucky nodded numbly before shaking his head. He didn’t want to go back into his bedroom, not after what had just happened there. He knew it was irrational and the room itself didn’t have anything to do with the nightmares or the panic attack but he just couldn’t bring himself to go back there. Somehow, Steve understood and led him into the small living room where he left Bucky on the sofa, hurried into the bedroom to grab the blanket and came back a moment later. He sat down next to Bucky, pulled his knees up onto the cushions and draped the blanket around them. Then he slung an arm around Bucky’s shoulders, careful not to touch his left arm that Bucky had tucked into his side subconsciously. Bucky snuggled into his side, resting his head on Steve’s chest, and bit his lip.

He was exhausted and wanted to go back to sleep but sleep meant more nightmares and he couldn’t handle that. Instead, he concentrated on the steady beating of Steve’s heart and the fingers combing through his hair. Steve started mumbling “It’s alright, you’re safe, I’m here, I love you” and more sweet nothings and placed feather light kisses on Bucky’s forehead every now and then.

Eventually Steve dozed off but Bucky didn’t mind. Having Steve with him had given him something to focus on and he had slowly calmed down even if the memories kept nagging him. Steve was right. He was safe and he wasn’t alone anymore. It would be okay. He would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a total writer's block regarding this next chapter and the thing I had originally planned just wouldn't work out so it somehow went into an entirely different direction. I'm sorry about all the angst but I feel like this ended up being better than I expected and of course Steve's there to help Bucky and comfort him :) Unfortunately I won't be able to update again this week since I'm at a convention this weekend but I promise there's gonna be fluff after that


	37. Chapter 37

Bucky woke up with a stiff neck and feeling too warm. He groaned softly and blinked a few times, trying to figure out where the hell he was. It took him a couple of seconds to realise he’d fallen asleep on the sofa and remember how he’d gotten here. His stomach churned at the memory of the nightmare and he felt his palms get clammy. The room suddenly seemed too small, too hot, and it was hard to breathe. He sat up abruptly, not caring that he woke Steve with his sudden movement, just one thing on his mind – he needed to get out, get some fresh air, a physical reminder that he was back in New York on a cold March morning, not in Iraq. 

“Hey, shh,” Steve mumbled sleepily and pulled Bucky back against his chest, clearly still half asleep or he would have noticed Bucky tensing.

Bucky bristled and pushed against Steve’s chest as gently as he could manage in that moment. “Gotta get up, Steve, please. I have to… have to go to work.” 

“Maybe you should stay home today,” Steve said gently, arms still wrapped around Bucky, and closed his eyes again.

“No. No, I’m fine.”

Finally, Steve turned his head to eye him and loosened his grip around his boyfriend as he gave him a look that clearly said he was entirely unconvinced.

“Alright, maybe not fine. But I’ll be. I just gotta work,” Bucky insisted stubbornly, slowly growing desperate. Why didn’t Steve understand he needed to leave? He was trying his hardest to keep his breathing under control. The last thing he needed right now was another panic attack like the one last night. He wriggled out of the nest of blankets and got up but before he could hurry downstairs and feel the blissfully cold air that was sure to welcome him as soon as he stepped outside Steve took a hold of his wrist and stopped him.

“Are you sure this is the best way to deal with this? Keeping so busy you don’t have time to think about your nightmares?” 

For a moment Bucky just looked at him, then he drew away and took a step back so he was out of Steve’s reach. “’s been working so far. I’m still here, aren’t I?” he snapped, unconsciously clenching his hands. Instantly Steve looked like a kicked puppy and Bucky felt bad, just a little. He didn’t want to argue with Steve, just wanted to get out, but Steve just didn’t get it. 

“That’s not… Buck, listen. I’m not gonna tell you what you should or shouldn’t do, I just…” Steve shrugged helplessly and searched for the right words. “I’m trying to help you. At least talk to Natasha about it, okay? Please.”

He could hear his own voice distantly saying, “Yeah, whatever.” Then he turned around. Two more steps and he was out in the hallway, bumped against the doorframe on his way out of the apartment and almost missed a step in his hurry to get downstairs. Finally he reached the backdoor, pulled it open frantically and stumbled outside. The cold hit him immediately, bit into his bare feet and pricked against his face but he didn’t care. Bucky leaned against the icy brick wall and took several deep breaths. It was heavenly, he thought, even as goosebumps rose on his skin and a shiver ran down his spine. This was New York. The war was far away, he was back home. Safe. They couldn’t hurt him anymore. They were all dead.

Bucky slid down the wall and cowered on the ground, his face buried in his hands. Steve was right. Natasha was right. His family was right. He needed help. And sooner rather than later.

Soft footsteps padding down the stairs eventually brought him back to reality and a moment later Steve appeared in the doorway, the blanket still around his shoulders, looking insecure and biting his lip. “Buck, I… what happened up there?” he asked and there was a hint of fear in his voice.

Bucky shrugged and shivered even more. Steve deserved an answer, he reminded himself, or as the therapist whose sessions he’d skipped as soon as possible had said, he had to communicate his feelings if he wanted the people in his life to learn what was going on and what he needed. “I couldn’t get out, it was too warm and…”

“I was smothering you and acting like an ass and didn’t even notice,” Steve finished and squatted down next to Bucky. “I’m so sorry.”

Bucky heaved a sigh, slumped his shoulders and nodded hesitantly. It hadn’t been fair to take his fear and anger out on Steve, either, and he knew it. Steve had nothing to do with this and he was just trying to be there for him, just like last night. “’m sorry, too,” he mumbled before adding a soft, “Can you forgive me?”

The question seemed to catch Steve off-guard and he blinked in confusion. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I? It’s okay, Buck. I understand.”

“No, you don’t. People say it’s okay the whole time even if they don’t mean it and it’s not okay. I shouldn’t have snapped at you… I should’ve told you what was going on.”

Steve thought about that for a moment. “You’re right. I forgive you, and I hope you forgive me, too. We both didn’t handle that situation well, huh?”

Bucky snorted but smiled sheepishly.

“Would you come back inside again when you feel like you can handle it? It’s fucking cold out here and if you let me I’d like to cuddle you a little more. Promise I won’t smother you again.” 

“Told you, I gotta get ready for work,” Bucky reminded him but this time it was gentle, not defensive like earlier, and he slowly got up. “But maybe I could sleep at your place tonight and we cuddle then?” he asked, voice small and insecure.

“Yeah, sure, of course,” Steve was quick to say and he smiled back.

“And maybe we could… check out that guy’s website, y’know, the therapist Sam recommended.”

“That’s a great idea, really. Now you think we could go back inside? I think otherwise something might freeze off…” And Steve pulled the blanket tighter around himself.

“Oh, now you mind the cold? I remember you showed up in a T-shirt a couple weeks ago and it was even colder back then.”

“I was jogging, that’s different, you get warm when you work out,” Steve protested. “Please come inside? I’m sure you of all people would mind me freezing my balls off.” 

Bucky gaped at him and Steve laughed as his face turned pink. “You’re a little shit, Rogers,” he muttered but took his hand and followed him inside on feet that were numb from the cold. Somehow the morning suddenly seemed almost normal again and he was grateful.

***

Two hours later Natasha stormed into the kitchen – an hour earlier than usual, causing Bucky to flinch when the door slammed open unexpectedly. “Would you mind not giving me a heart attack?” he grumbled when he realised who it was, setting down the bowl he’d almost dropped.

“Are you alright?” she asked, ignoring his words entirely, and looked him up and down with worry. 

Bucky couldn’t help but nod over at the radio that had just happened to start playing the chorus of “I’m not okay” (really, what were the chances? He’d never get an opportunity like this in his entire life again) and grinned lopsidedly. “But that’s not news now, is it?”

“Ha ha.” She crossed the space to the counter and turned the radio off. “Seriously, how are you? What happened last night? I don’t suppose that was a booty call, so what was going on?”

“Nightmares,” Bucky admitted sheepishly and started mixing the batter again.

In broad daylight it seemed foolish to call her in the middle of the night over nothing but bad dreams but apparently, Natasha didn’t think so. She looked up at him sympathetically and cupped his cheek with her hand. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. How bad was it?”

“’s alright, I probably overreacted,” he mumbled.

“Bullshit. Don’t lie to me, James,” Nat all but growled. “I know you. You don’t have to tell me any details but don’t lie to me, okay?”

He hesitated, knowing she would feel bad that she hadn’t answered his call when he told her just how terrifying it had been last night but he also felt like he owed it to her. She was worried about him and rightly so, so he told her about his panic attack and even the argument with Steve earlier this morning. “You’d think I would’ve gotten over this by now,” he ended with a humourless laugh.

“Don’t be silly, nobody expects that from you. But I’m sure you’ll get better when you decide to start dealing with your trauma and finally talk to a professional, you hear me?” Her words were gentle but still insistent and he nodded.

That evening he curled up in Steve’s bed, a laptop in front of him and his boyfriend next to him, and finally started his research that was long overdue. Dr Banner indeed seemed like the best choice – his office was rather close to Bucky’s own place, his credentials were impressive and he had been working with veterans for years – so Bucky gave him a call, all the while grasping Steve’s hand hard to keep his own one from shaking. 

When he hung up he slowly breathed out a sigh of relief. He had an appointment for Tuesday morning and even though he was already nervous as hell he couldn’t help the small spark of hope blossoming in his chest. Maybe things would be fine again after all; maybe he’d get his normal life back eventually. He snuggled against Steve and finally allowed himself to focus on nothing but the soft, teasing touches of Steve’s fingertips on his skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...well that was a longer break than I had intended, I'm so sorry, but writing has been hard the past few weeks 'cause I haven't been feeling well - but now we're finally continuing, yay (even though it's a bumpy ride...)! I hope you like this chapter and I just had to include the bit with MCR's "I'm not okay" 'cause that literally just started playing as I was writing this part and it was too good not to include it so yeah, weird coincidence ^_^


	38. Chapter 38

Bucky was barely surprised when Scott came into the kitchen on Saturday morning, telling him Peggy was in the café and hoping he would have a minute to chat with her. Since he was busy preparing more of the breakfast plates they offered on weekends he asked Scott to assure Peggy that he would stop by her table later.

What did surprise him, though, was the way her eyes glinted mischievously when he sat down across from her fifty minutes later and she immediately started talking without preamble.

“James, dear, my niece is planning a baby shower for her best friend and she absolutely loves the pastries I always get her from here. She had this idea to bake some of them under your guidance, you know, at the shower, so I’m supposed to ask you if you could maybe take three or four hours of your time to go there and bake with those ladies. I know this is not what you normally do but Sharon said she’ll pay very well and it would mean a lot to her and her friend.”

For a moment Bucky was so baffled he opened and closed his mouth without making any sound, not knowing what to say. Peggy wanted him to _what?_

“It would be next Friday evening so you would just have to leave here about two hours earlier than usual. And Sharon said as soon as you two had talked about which pastries you wanted to bake you should just send her a list of all the ingredients so she could get them. You wouldn’t have to worry about a thing,” Peggy continued and looked at him expectantly. “So, what do you say?”

“I… um…” Bucky was still confused. He’d never done anything like that and the thought of spending his Friday evening with a bunch of women talking about babies and diapers and nap times honestly wasn’t very tempting. Why would anybody even want to bake at a baby shower? He had always thought they were supposed to be all about presents and weird games and advice for the expecting mother.

But Peggy just kept smiling at him. “I know that Friday is also your birthday but I promise I would make it up to you. And Steven said you two didn’t have any plans for Friday anyway.”

His…? She was right, Bucky realised and shook his head in befuddlement. Next Friday was his twenty-ninth birthday and he had completely forgotten about it. When had he gotten this old? Peggy was well informed, he and Steve hadn’t even talked about next Friday. In fact, he wasn’t even sure Steve knew when his birthday was and it didn’t really matter anyway. For the past couple years he had never done more than go out for burgers and drinks because Natasha had insisted they had to do something. And before that… he didn’t want to think about the birthdays spent in the military.

“Uh, well,” he stammered, “I think I could talk to Nat and Scott about it… How about you give your niece my number so she can call me?”

The old lady beamed at him. “Oh, I will do that. She also wants to come here on Wednesday, you know, to finally meet you, and if you have a little time you two could just talk about it.”

“Um, yeah, sure, okay.” He could at least listen to what exactly Peggy’s niece had planned; he didn’t have to agree. And who knew, maybe he would gain a few more customers if he decided to give it a shot.

“Thank you so much, dear. And don’t worry, the ladies all know that you’re spoken for, they won’t bother you too much,” she said cheekily and grinned at him. Then she looked past him and her eyes widened a little. “Oh, speak of the devil!”

Bucky turned around and gaped as he saw Steve enter the café, face pink from the cold wind outside and his glasses on his nose (which looked sexy as hell on him if you asked Bucky). They weren’t the reason for his gaping, though. In his hands Steve held a huge bouquet of white flowers and suddenly Bucky suspected that the cold wind wasn’t the only reason why Steve’s cheeks were pink. As soon as he spotted him, Steve made a beeline for Bucky and smiled brightly.

“Hey, gorgeous,” he said quietly, leaned down and brushed his lips over Bucky’s in a short, sweet kiss. Steve’s eyes twinkled when he opened them again to look at Bucky.

Wracking his brain didn’t help much; Bucky couldn’t come up with anything that would explain any of this. “Did I… forget something?” he asked insecurely as he got up from the chair and bit his lip. Maybe there was an anniversary he’d forgotten about…?

“Nope,” Steve said cheerfully. “Just felt like surprising you. And I finished a commission earlier so I thought I’d cook for you tonight if you’re free. And I wanted to get you flowers. Hope you like them.”

Bucky could feel his own cheeks growing hot as he accepted the flowers and stared at them. He couldn’t remember anyone ever buying him flowers. Well, except for his ma on his birthday, but that didn’t count. “They’re beautiful,” he whispered, and he meant it.

Steve pushed a loose strand of hair behind Bucky’s ear. “They’re carnations and gardenias.”

“Great choice,” Peggy chimed in and smiled up at the two men. Bucky had completely forgotten they weren’t alone.

If possible, Steve blushed a little more. “They, um, carnations stand for sweetness and endearment and gardenias mean you’re lovely. I told the lady at the flower shop about you and she said they’d be perfect.”

It seemed so surreal that anyone would think of him like this, that anyone would care enough to get him flowers, and yet here was Steve, standing right in front of him in the middle of his café, smiling sheepishly. Bucky honestly had no idea what he could possibly reply so he took a step forward, not caring that almost everybody was looking at them, wrapped an arm around the back of Steve’s neck, pulled him close and kissed him. He could feel warm hands coming to rest on his waist and Steve’s smile against his lips. “Thank you. I love them.”

“I love _you_.”

Bucky was sure he would turn into a puddle if Steve kept being this sweet. Luckily Steve seemed to know exactly what he was doing to him so he changed the topic but kept holding on to Bucky’s waist. “You should probably put them in water. So, how ‘bout tonight?”

“Huh? Oh, right, yeah, I’m free.”

“Great. You wanna come over after work?”

“Do I get to sleep at your place?” Bucky asked, sounding far too hopeful.

“Definitely.”

He smiled brightly and nodded. “Then yes.”

“Great,” Steve said again and that wide, happy smile was back on his face, too. “I better go grocery shopping then. See you tonight.” And with a kiss on Bucky’s cheek he turned around and headed outside.

“Wow. Clint could learn a thing or two from Steve,” Natasha commented from where she was leaning against the counter, arms crossed over her chest but with a little smirk on her face and Bucky swore he heard Scott mumbling something along the lines of “would go gay for that guy” under his breath as he passed him. He couldn’t help the happy grin on his face.

Quickly excusing himself, he went back into the kitchen to look for something to put the flowers in. How had he ever gotten this lucky? And yet Steve was the one looking at him like he’d hung the moon. Bucky smiled and brushed his fingertips over the flower petals as he set them down next to the fridge.

***

On Monday evening Bucky was once again lying in Steve’s bed, watching his boyfriend read some kind of art magazine. Sleeping next to Steve helped a little and it was a lot easier not having to fall asleep in his own bed, the place where he’d had so many flashbacks and nightmares over the past months. Therefore he hadn’t slept at home since his last nightmare. He still woke up regularly in the middle of the night, sometimes screaming, and Steve had told him that he whimpered or murmured in his sleep almost every night but it was reassuring to know Steve would be right by his side. And Steve, being the saint he was, didn’t mind being woken by Bucky in the slightest.

“More time to snuggle,” he always murmured when Bucky was okay with Steve touching him. Then he would nuzzle his face against Bucky’s hair or neck sleepily and mumbled soothing words.

Tonight Steve was wearing his glasses again – Bucky had finally had the guts to tell him he thought they were hot so Steve had made it a point to wear them around the apartment for the past few days. Bucky loved it. He had decided to take the flowers with him to Steve’s place because he spent most of what little free time he had there anyway. It was domestic and almost as if they were living together, he realised as he absently traced his fingers over the five o’clock shadow on Steve’s cheek and nipped at his collar bone while his other hand slipped under Steve’s sleeping shirt. He had a bunch of clothes stacked in one of the drawers of Steve’s wardrobe, his own toothbrush in the bathroom and he barely spent more than ten minutes at a time in his own apartment. Yesterday Steve had done laundry while Bucky had been at work and he’d washed Bucky’s clothes as well so they now smelled like Steve’s detergent (which meant he needed a new excuse to borrow Steve’s shirts and hoodies but hey, smelling Steve on his clothes while he was at work was nice, too).

When Steve closed the magazine and put it away on the nightstand a few minutes later, Bucky was prepared to go to sleep as it was getting late, but Steve sat up straighter and seemed a little nervous.

“What’s wrong?” Bucky asked and looked up at him, brows raised questioningly.

“Can I ask you something?”

All of a sudden Bucky’s mouth was dry and his hands got clammy. A million different questions Steve might ask raced through his mind, most of which Bucky wasn’t willing to answer. Not yet, anyway. Nonetheless he gave a small nod while trying to think of a good way to tell Steve he wasn’t ready to talk about any details of his time abroad without hurting him or sounding like he didn’t trust him. Because that was most definitely not the case.

“I was wondering if you… well, um, I’m not sure how to phrase this without sounding like a total dick who just wants to get into your pants but, um, I was wondering if you even… like sex. Not ‘cause I want to pressure you or anything, really, it’s just that we’ve been together for over two months now and I know that’s not that long but I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable if I ever tried to…” Steve trailed off, pushed his glasses up his nose and started chewing on his bottom lip, clearly thinking about how to continue. “I mean, I would wait forever but you seemed to enjoy having my hands on your dick –”

“And your mouth, too,” Bucky supplied ~~un~~ helpfully, watching as Steve’s ears turned pink, and he couldn’t help but chuckle in relief. “So basically you wanna know if I’m interested in having sex with you or if I’m strictly into hand- and blowjobs?”

Steve nodded softly. “That’s one way to put it, yeah. I just gotta know that I’m not doing stuff you’re not ready for ‘cause it’s honestly not easy keeping my hands off of you. But I told you we’re doing this at your pace so I thought we should maybe talk about it, y’know. If you need time or even if you never wan–”

Bucky didn’t let him finish. “Stevie. You’re the most gorgeous guy I’ve ever seen and I think you’re incredibly sexy,” he took a deep breath, “and frankly, yeah, I want to have sex with you, I really do. It’s just…” He sighed and sat up so he could properly meet Steve’s eyes. “I guess it’s just that I’m still scared you don’t want me if you see me like this.”

“Buck, seeing you come is the most beautiful thing in the world,” Steve said and it should have sounded like a cheesy line from a movie but the way Steve said it, all serious, actually made Bucky believe him.

But that wasn’t his point. “No, that’s not what I meant. I can barely take my shirt off in front of you and I don’t think I could bare you looking at me and seeing… _that_ while we’re doing it.” He gestured at his left arm, knowing it probably seemed ridiculous but he couldn’t change it. He despised the ugly red scar tissue covering his entire arm and deep down he was ashamed of it.

“Oh.” That admission seemed to surprise Steve. “I… Shit, Buck, I didn’t think about that. I’m sorry.”

Bucky shrugged. “It’s fine, that’s part of why I’m gonna go to therapy, right? Also, in case you haven’t noticed, I can barely keep my hands to myself when we’re together so wanting you definitely isn’t the problem. I just gotta start working on accepting every part of myself, I guess…”

“Well, you could just keep your shirt on,” Steve joked, wrapped an arm around Bucky’s hips and pulled him into his lap. “But seriously, if you ever wanna give it a try, shirt or not, just let me know. God, that just sounded horrible,” he added and hid his face in the crook of Bucky’s neck so his next words were muffled. “Forget I ever said that.”

With a soft laugh, Bucky turned his head to kiss the top of Steve’s head before teasing, “You’re starting to make me think you’re actually just trying to get into my pants.”

Steve leaned back against the headboard. “Well, I’m still hoping I get to eat you out one day.” He said it with such nonchalance that Bucky almost choked on his own saliva.

“Wha-what?”

Steve smiled innocently and a soft pink was tinting his cheeks but the look in his eyes clearly said ‘you heard me’.

“Fuck, Steve, you can’t just say something like that.”

“Why? Did I get you interested?” Now Steve was smirking at him while his hands ran down Bucky’s back to cup his ass.

“Screw you, I gotta get up early tomorrow,” Bucky grumbled but he couldn’t deny that his dick was clearly interested.

“That’s too bad. Otherwise I could…” And Steve traced one of his hands from Bucky’s ass over his hip to cup his crotch while the other pulled Bucky closer, eliciting a gasp from him when he felt the bulge in Steve’s pants brush against his own half hard dick.

Bucky swallowed, then he looked at Steve with half lidded eyes and ran his tongue over his lip before biting it. Two could play this game. “You all talk or are you actually gonna make good on that promise?”

Instead of answering Steve silenced Bucky with a kiss and groaned into his mouth when Bucky rutted against him. Yes, he definitely wasn’t ready to let Steve see him completely naked in the bedroom, but this was something else, and so Bucky encouraged Steve as he finally pushed down his pyjama pants and underwear and their moans and panting breaths filled the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry about the irregular updates atm but I have an exam coming up and family stuff going on and another fic that I'm writing while procrastinating - the next chapter of this fic is already in the works, though, but I don't know when I'll be able to finish it...  
> Until then: Have some sweet, healthily communicating boyfriends! I know there’s a lot of pink cheeks in this chapter but fuck it, everyone’s blushing. Steve’s blushing. Bucky is blushing. I sure as hell am, too. This wasn't even supposed to get a little smutty, I have no idea what happened, but I really hope you like this chapter c:


	39. Chapter 39

The waiting room of Dr Banner’s office was small with only four soft, comfortable chairs lining one of the walls, held in light colours and with several house plants in the corners, clearly decorated to calm the waiting patients. Bucky, however, was anything but calm as he fiddled with his phone and anxiously waited for the clock hand to move to nine o’ clock. All morning he’d been trying and failing to get his nervousness under control, had started stress baking at three am since he hadn’t been able to sleep anymore but nothing had managed to keep his attention long enough for him to relax.

When the door to Dr Banner’s office opened two minutes earlier than expected Bucky’s heart leapt into his throat. A dark haired man a few years older than him, dressed in a light purple button down shirt and khakis, held the door for a young woman and Bucky watched as he accompanied her to the front door and said goodbye. His voice was just as pleasant as it had been on the phone and Bucky briefly wondered why the therapist had made the appointment himself – after all he did have a receptionist, a kind older lady who had offered Bucky a cup of tea or coffee when he’d arrived. Then Dr Banner turned his attention to Bucky who scrambled up from the chair, feeling a little dizzy and nervous as hell. 

Dr Banner greeted him with a warm smile and a firm handshake. Something about his presence was soothing but not in the way his previous therapist had been – Bucky had always felt like she was trying a little too hard. Dr Banner, though, had a calming aura (not that Bucky believed in that kind of stuff, he just didn’t know how else to describe it) and when he led Bucky into his office while making pleasant small talk Bucky could feel a tiny bit of the tension leave his shoulders.

While Dr Banner offered him another cup of tea and closed the door when Bucky politely declined Bucky couldn’t help but take in every detail of the therapist’s office – partly a habit he’d developed, partly because the office was stunning and he was positive Steve would love it. Two of the walls were lined with bookshelves that reached up to the ceiling and framed the door through which they had just entered whereas huge windows looking out into a neat, well-cared for garden took up most of the remaining two walls. First hints of green sprouted outside and a small fountain pattered lazily underneath a still leafless weeping willow. The space in front of one of the windows was occupied by an old oak desk and a couple of old turquoise armchairs and an appendant sofa stood around a small coffee table next to one of the bookshelves. The bright room was filled with more plants and two abstract paintings in soft green and blue shades adorned what little was left of the walls between the windows and shelves. 

“Please, sit down, Mr Barnes,” Dr Banner said and gestured to the sitting area.

“Just call me Bucky,” Bucky said as he chose one of the armchairs looking out in the garden (because a sofa was just too much of a cliché) and sank right into it.

After picking up a pen and notepad from the coffee table, Dr Banner chose the other armchair and crossed his legs at his ankles, all the while giving Bucky a small, open smile. “Why don’t you start by telling me a little about yourself?”

Yeah, well, so much for avoiding clichés. Tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear, Bucky shrugged a shoulder and then folded his hands in his lap, thinking about anything even remotely interesting in his life that didn’t involve a bomb going off under an army truck and months of isolation and panic. He settled for his work, the only safe topic he could think of off the top of his head, and told Dr Banner about his café. Soon he was describing the changes he’d made after he’d taken over the little shop as the therapist encouraged him, how he’d always loved baking and that he’d learned most of the things he knew from his Ma and as the words seemed to come by themselves he slowly relaxed in the comfortable armchair. When the Dr Banner asked a specific question here and there Bucky began talking about Nat, Clint and Peggy, how he’d met Steve and eventually found himself mentioning how Steve had introduced him to Sam who’d been the one to recommend Dr Banner.

“And why exactly did you come to see me, Bucky?” Dr Banner asked with his soothing voice, looking just as friendly and interested as before.

All the calmness and confidence he’d built up over the past few minutes vanished instantly. He had expected the question to come up eventually, of course, but that didn’t make it any better. Bucky stared down at his hands and took a long breath. Telling strangers about his past was even worse than telling Natasha or Steve so when he finally managed to start speaking again his voice was quiet but he was proud that it was barely shaking. “Before I came to New York I was employed in the army. Did a tour in Iraq. Wasn’t that horrible at first, y’know, I was stationed with some good guys and we managed to keep each other sane.” Another deep breath, shakier this time, then he continued. “Got transferred at some point and everything went to hell. My unit’s truck got blown up in the middle of the desert and everyone… everyone ‘cept me died.”

Bucky started chewing on his bottom lip as his eyes flicked around the room nervously, only to return to Dr Banner when the silence dragged on. The therapist’s smile had made way to a concentrated yet open expression and Bucky was glad not to find any traces of pity in his eyes. “I still got a whole bunch of scars and nightmares and the occasional flashback,” he added softly.

“Have you seen someone about your trauma before?”

“Only for the obligatory sessions,” Bucky mumbled, trying to keep the defensiveness that always came with this topic from creeping into his voice. His family and friends had tried to make him go to therapy but he had refused to come out of his shell for so long that he’d almost managed to convince himself it wasn’t necessary anymore. 

Dr Banner didn’t seem to judge him, though, instead he just gave a short nod and an understanding smile and added something to the scribbled notes he’d already taken and that Bucky had tried to decipher without success.

Inquiries about the length of his deployment, the debriefings and medical follow-up which Bucky rather wouldn’t think about but Dr Banner gently insisted were important information he needed were followed by a few more questions about the time between coming home to his family and moving to New York. Bucky tried to answer them as briefly and perfunctorily as possible but they still left him shifting uneasily in his seat.

When Dr Banner seemed satisfied with Bucky’s replies his eyes darted over his notes one more time before meeting Bucky’s gaze with a friendly expression. “You said that you went to a group therapy session,” he started and waited for Bucky’s nod before he continued, “and that it wasn’t helpful, is that correct?”

Bucky mumbled an affirmation.

“These sessions can help you together with professional therapy but they’re not for everyone,” Dr Banner said and Bucky nodded again. Sam had already told him as much. “Sharing personal trauma with strangers can be scary and hearing about other vets’ experiences doesn’t help everyone feel less alone. If you decide to continue coming here for counselling you’re going to have to talk about the things you experienced as well but I’ll be the only one to hear them. Together we will try to get to the bottom of your trauma so you can work on handling it and lessen the effects it has on you. Another step is trying to find possible triggers and eventually maybe subjecting you to them to work through everything.”

The mere thought of that made Bucky feel sick and he clenched his jaw. That was the part that terrified him the most. He didn’t want to be exposed to anything related to the incident and he sure as hell didn’t want to think about his triggers.

“I understand that this isn’t easy but you are here to get better, Bucky,” Dr Banner reminded him gently and Bucky realised his expression and posture were giving away everything he was thinking. 

Crossing his arms over his chest he leaned as far into the armchair as he could and huffed a breath. “Are there any other options?”

“There are a few but in your case I presume this method would be the most successful one. If we do indeed figure out that isn’t the case, though, we can still talk about other options.”

Bucky thought about that for a moment and finally asked, “What about… what about medication?”

“Medication can help you get better, it has certainly proven to successfully treat PTSD. If you want to…”

“No,” he interrupted Dr Banner. “I don’t have to take any if I don’t want to, right?”

The therapist nodded and Bucky was certain he was watching him even more closely than before. “That’s right.”

“Okay.” Since he’d stayed at his childhood home for the first few weeks after coming back home and the therapist had prescribed him half a dozen different pills that had made him sleepy, disoriented and somewhat dependent on his mother and sister Bucky refused to take anything stronger than ibuprofen. No way in hell was he going to go through that again.

Dr Banner continued, “I suppose you have a busy schedule so I’d suggest you come in once a week if you decide to continue this.”

“For how long?”

“Well, typically talk therapy lasts for three to four months but if you want to continue after that period that is fine as well.”

“Can I… um, can I get back to you?”

“Of course. Take a little time to think it all through,” Dr Banner said with a smile, set his notepad and pen aside and stood up. “In my professional opinion you should consider coming to therapy regularly, it can help you work through the horrible things you experienced and even heal those invisible scars. You deserve to get better, Bucky, you should know that.”

Funny, that wasn’t the first time Bucky heard that sentence, but he still didn’t quite believe it. Nonetheless he gave another short nod as he got up and followed Dr Banner to the door. He thanked the therapist and promised to give him a call when he’d made up his mind, then he slipped out the door and gulped in the cool air outside. 

He decided to walk the entire way back to Steve’s place even though it would most certainly take him over an hour. After all he didn’t have any plans and hopefully it would help sort his thoughts. With long strides he made his way down the street as the weak March sun peeked through the clouds and tried its best to warm him.

***

Steve greeted him with a long hug, still smelling of oil paints, with dried paint under his nails and a few specks in his hair. “How was it?”

Burying his face in the soft fabric of Steve’s sweater, Bucky wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s middle and mumbled, “Don’t wanna talk about it. Need a nap.” Right now he was more than glad he’d given in to Nat urging him to take the afternoon off as well. All he wanted to do was curl up with Steve and get some much needed sleep since he’d barely gotten any the previous night and the session and his walk had exhausted him even more.

“That’s fine. You want some tea or something?” Steve asked and pressed a kiss to Bucky’s messy hair.

Even though he didn’t want Steve to leave him Bucky hesitated only for a second. After all Steve would be right back and then they could snuggle up on the couch. He could deal with being alone for a few more moments. “You got hot chocolate?” he asked in a voice that was embarrassingly small.

“I’m sure there’s gotta be some in my pantry. Be right back.” Steve placed another soft kiss on Bucky’s forehead before heading into his kitchen.

No three minutes later he was back with a box of cookies and two steaming mugs. He handed one of them to Bucky who hadn’t moved an inch from where he was standing in the hallway. Bucky wrapped his fingers around the mug and took a small sip of the hot, sweet liquid. Then he looked at Steve over the rim of his mug and quietly asked, “Take a nap with me?”

“Course. C’mon, darling.” Steve gently took a hold of Bucky’s shoulders and steered him towards the sofa when he sat down and pulled Bucky with him. After taking another sip and then setting down his mug Bucky turned to see Steve scooting back on the couch, an arm reached out for him, and Bucky climbed after him to settle into Steve’s embrace. When he was nestled in his boyfriend’s arms with his back against Steve’s broad chest, Steve’s breath tickling Bucky’s neck and his scent surrounding him, he closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, hoping the feeling of safety being so close to Steve usually provided and which he so desperately needed now would calm him.

He had expected the appointment to be hard but he hadn’t thought he’d feel this exhausted and… and scared. Scared because he would finally have to face his past and terrified of what giving a voice to the horrors he’d endured would do to him. He was positive he wasn’t ready to find out, but maybe that was exactly the point. There wasn’t a right moment for this sort of thing, probably not even a moment when he’d find he wouldn’t mind talking about everything, not without professional help, at least. 

Snuggling even closer to Steve, Bucky let the exhaustion take over and slowly drifted off. There was enough time to think about everything and talk it through with Steve and also Winifred and his sister when he woke up again. For now he just needed some rest.

When he opened his eyes again the sun was hanging low in the sky, painting golden patterns on the floor, and Steve’s hand had snaked under Bucky’s shirt and came to rest on his stomach. Bucky trailed his fingertips down Steve’s forearm until he could intertwine their fingers and felt Steve shift a little. He wasn’t sure if Steve was sleeping so he whispered, “Hey, Stevie?”

“Yeah?” came the immediate response, albeit a little scratchy, and a moment later Steve nosed along Bucky’s neck and tickled Bucky in the process.

“Jus’ wondering if you were sleeping.”

“Nah.”

They fell into comfortable silence for several minutes, each dwelling on their own thoughts, and Bucky wondered how he could postpone talking about the inevitable for just a little longer. Steve probably wouldn’t urge him to talk but he surely wanted to know what Bucky had thought of the appointment and of Dr Banner and whether he would see him regularly.

He couldn’t exactly say what caused the memory to surface again but suddenly there was a burning question in his mind and he couldn’t keep himself from asking, “Steve? Have you ever done anything stupid?” 

Steve was quiet for a while, then he hesitantly asked, “Which kind of stupid?”

Turning in Steve’s arms, Bucky raised a brow and eyed his boyfriend. “Now I’m curious.”

“Which kind?” Steve repeated.

Bucky shrugged one shoulder. “The ‘why-did-I-ever-think-this-was-a-good-idea’- or the ‘that-was-fucking-dumb-oh-god-I’m-gonna-die’-kind of stupid.”

“Um… does being out and proud since middle school and getting beaten up for it count?”

“Nah. That’s brave, not stupid.”

Steve shook his head and chuckled. “Sure used to feel pretty damn stupid.”

“I certainly didn’t have the guts so it’s hella brave,” Bucky insisted and kissed the tip of Steve’s nose to emphasise his point. “That’s one of the few things I didn’t do that might’ve gotten me into more trouble than I already got myself into. And I used to do a bang-up job with that.”

“You got yourself into trouble?”

“Well, y’know, the usual smoking and underage drinking and being stupid enough to get caught, that kinda stuff. Once borrowed my Pa’s car when I didn’t even have my driver’s license yet, too. He wasn’t exactly amused. And then there was the army.”

Steve pulled Bucky against his chest and gently ran his fingers through Bucky’s long strands of hair. Bucky watched him stare out the window with an absent expression for a heartbeat or two, then Steve blinked and turned his attention back to Bucky, looking a little embarrassed. “I… uh, I did get myself arrested.”

So Natasha had been right – not that Bucky doubted her stalking skills but there was always the possibility of her exaggerating. “What for?” he asked, trying his best not to sound too damn nosy and failing spectacularly.

“Fist fights, mostly,” Steve admitted sheepishly and a lopsided smile tugged on his lips.

“Mos- how many times exactly did you get arrested?!”

Steve bit his lip as his face turned a soft shade of pink. “Um… a dozen times, maybe.”

“Wow, you’re a real bad boy. I’m smitten.”

“Shut up. I was just standing up for people who couldn’t defend themselves,” Steve grumbled but Bucky could see that he was fighting a grin and Bucky tilted his head up to capture Steve’s lips in a long kiss. 

They could talk about his appointment with Dr Banner later but for now he just wanted to enjoy the normalcy of being with Steve, of cuddling, kissing and teasing him and finding out more about Steve’s infamous past. The real world could wait a little longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaah, it's finally finished! I had so many more plans for this chapter and therefore somehow got stuck and then - nothing. Ugh. So sorry it took so long but writer's block and real life have been a pain in the ass. I tried my best to portray Bucky's appointment with a therapist and I really hope I did it justice, if there are any mistakes please, please let me know! I also hope you guys are still with me and liked this chapter c:


	40. Chapter 40

It was finally getting warmer as spring slowly reached New York so Bucky had left the backdoor, the kitchen door to the café, and the front door open to let in some fresh air as he wiped down the last counters. He was happy about the soft breeze that didn’t smell like winter anymore (and even less like fumes, Bucky thought, but he wasn’t entirely sure). Maybe it would help him against the tiredness. The busy work day coupled with little sleep and lots of anxiety and insecurity had exhausted him and his entire body was tense. Maybe he should ask Steve if he could use his bathtub, he would sleep at Steve’s place anyway.

Quiet steps, barely audible over the soft sound of the cloth wiping down the counter, were the only indication that Natasha had entered the kitchen. She stayed quiet for a long time and Bucky could feel her watching him. When he finally shook some crumbs into the sink and washed out the cloth she stepped next to him.

“So what did you think of the doc?” Natasha asked as she leaned her hip against the kitchen counter and watched him put the kitchenware away. “You look… I don’t know, tired and unsure.”

Without looking up, Bucky shrugged. Was his frame of mind that obvious or was it just that Nat could read him so well? “It was okay I guess. Dr Banner was nice ‘n told me which options I have, suggested what we’ll do and told me to think about it.”

“And did you?”

“Steve and I talked about it last night. ‘s not like I’m exactly looking forward to talking about anything but Banner seemed confident he could help me. On the other hand that’s what he makes his living with, so who knows…” Bucky finally met his friend’s eyes and gave her a tired smile. “Guess it won’t hurt, though. At least not physically, hah. And he said I don’t have to take any meds if I don’t want to so that’s a plus.”

Raising a perfect brow, Natasha eyed him for a bit, then she asked, “You didn’t get a minute of sleep, did you?”

“Not much. I’ve been thinking a lot. Steve thinks I should do it.” With everything tidied up, Bucky leaned against the counter next to Nat and looked back at her.

“He’s not the only one. I think you should give it a chance. You can only get stronger, right?”

Bucky ran a hand over his face. “Yeah, I guess. I should probably give Banner a call and make another appointment when everything’s closed.” 

“You do that. And I’m proud of you for seeking help, you know that, right?” She came up behind him and leaned against his back before briefly wrapping her arms around his middle.

Brushing his fingers over her knuckled, Bucky smiled. “Thanks, Nat.” Natasha wasn’t really the hugging type but her hugs were almost as good as Winifred’s and Bucky knew she meant every word she’d just said.

“How’d that talk with Peggy’s niece go, by the way?” she asked when she’d let go of him.

Sharon had stopped by for a coffee, some pastry and a chat with him earlier that day. They had talked about her proposition, told him he’d be supplied with everything and that all the mother to be would be so excited if he would do it. When she had finished Bucky had agreed to think everything through and she had left him her number so he could text her when he’d made a decision. He was still a little hesitant but Sharon’s offer had been quite tempting. Plus birthdays really weren’t a big deal for him anyway, so he didn’t mind working at the baby shower instead of at the café. And who was he to say no to a little variation in his day-to-day life?

He told Natasha as much after briefly recapping their conversation and she smiled at him.

“That’s great, I’m sure it’ll be fun and Scott and I can handle the café for another day. You should text her so you two can plan everything.” With a squeeze of Bucky’s shoulder Nat headed to the door.

“Hey, Romanov,” he said before she could walk back into the empty café. “Thanks for having my back.”

“Always.”

***

On Thursday Bucky was busy with baking, standing behind the counter, planning and texting Sharon lists and questions. When it was close to closing time Scott nudged him and told him Bucky should leave, he and Nat would take care of the last customers, clean up and close the store. Bucky didn’t hesitate, thanked his co-worker and grabbed his phone, keys and jacket. One and a half days of planning certainly weren’t much and he was feeling stressed already. 

Checking his phone to see if anyone had called or texted he found a message from his sister, asking him to give her a call when he got home. Bucky decided to do so right away lest he forgot and set off to Steve’s place. It only took a few rings, then Rebecca’s voice greeted him.

“Hey, Bucky, hold on a sec, I’ll get Ma.”

That was rather confusing, really, because why the hell would they both want to talk to him? had something happened? But Rebecca sounded too cheerful for that to be the case. 

“Hello darling, how are you?” he could hear his mother call in the background. She had yet to understand that yelling wasn’t necessary, even when the phone was on speaker.

A little bit of smalltalk, a few questions about work and Steve and the reminder to tell him they said hello, then Winnie asked, “So, what have you been doing lately? Do you sleep better? Or any news?”

Winnie wasn’t the most subtle person but the questions surprised him nonetheless. “How’d you…” Then it clicked. “Natasha?”

“She just let us know that you went to group counselling and then had a first appointment with a therapist,” Rebecca said. “We just wanted to check in on you.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, glad that his mother couldn’t see him, and slowed his pace to tell her and Rebecca every detail of his session yet again. They bombarded him with questions and wanted to know everything about Sam as well. When they were finally satisfied it was almost dark and Bucky ended the call with the excuse that he really needed to get going because Steve was waiting for him.

Six minutes later he rang the bell to Steve’s apartment and was promptly buzzed in. He hurried up the stairs, cursing the rather involuntary workout, and panted as he came to a stop in front of his boyfriend who was waiting in the open doorway.

“Steve.”

“Hey, Buck. You okay?” Steve raised a brow and there was worry in his eyes.

“I just called Banner and told him I’ll go to therapy. We made an appointment for Tuesday again and he said he wants to talk about the plan with me when I’m there, then we’ll start.”

Without a warning Steve pulled Bucky into his arms and kissed his head. “That’s great, Bucky.”

***

Sleeping in was a wonderful thing, Bucky had decided as he’d gotten up around ten. He’d been awake since shortly past nine and spent some time cuddling with Steve who had still been sleepy. Steve’s bed was so comfortably and warm Bucky had actually had a hard time getting up (well, that and Steve’s arm around his waist pulling him back the first two times he tried to leave). While Bucky had been in the shower Steve had gotten up as well and made breakfast for them and for a few moments Bucky had been damn close to pulling him back to bed as he saw the eggs, bacon and pancakes. There had also been a small present next to his plate and Steve urged him to open it. “You’ll get the others later, but I wanted you to have this now.”

Bucky had opened the small package and looked up at Steve with wide eyes. “You’re giving me a key to your place?”

“I mean, if it’s too soon you don’t have to take it,” Steve had mumbled sheepishly. “I just thought, y’know, since you sleep here almost every night anyway and all that you might like to have your own key.”

Leaning over the table Bucky had almost knocked over a glass but he hadn’t cared. He had taken hold of Steve’s shirt and kissed him until they both had to catch their breaths. “Thank you.”

Waking up next to and being with Steve made the world seem just a little brighter, a little more hopeful. If someone like Steve wanted to spend time with him maybe he wasn’t as much of a mess as he used to think.

But now that Bucky was approaching the address Sharon had given him he was feeling a more than a bit nervous. Why had he thought it would be fine spending the next two or so hours surrounded by women, some of which being pregnant nonetheless? 

When Sharon opened the door before he had even been able to ring and beamed at him, though, his worries receded for the most part. After brief hug, some small talk and Sharon inviting him in he followed her into the building, up a flight of stairs and down a hallway, then waited when she knocked on a door. There was no time to wonder why she didn’t just use the doorbell since the door swung open only a second later. Bucky assumed that Sharon’s friend had already been waiting for them impatiently – until he saw that no other than Peggy was smiling at them from inside the apartment.

“Sharon, James! Please come in! It’s so nice to see you.”

“Uh, hello Miss Carter, I didn’t expect…” Bucky started but she didn’t even wait for him to finish his sentence as she grabbed his wrist – the right one, thankfully – and pulled him into the apartment with a surprisingly strong grip for an old lady. He barely noticed Sharon closing the door behind him.

Suddenly a strong arm came around Bucky’s waist from behind and Steve pulled him close to kiss his neck. Bucky was proud to say he barely flinched at the unexpected contact. 

“What’re you…” He met Steve’s eyes with a confused expression but didn’t get a chance to ask what he was doing here. Instead his boyfriend used the opportunity to peck his lips. Then Steve nudged him forward and Bucky could see into another room that was decorated with balloons, garlands and paper streamers, but not the pink or blue kind he’d been expecting. Everything was held in shades of red and black, including the napkins and a small bouquet of actual black roses on the round dining table in the middle of the room.

As he was about to ask what the hell was going on Steve gave him a gentle push so Bucky crossed the threshold and stepped into the room. A movement to his left startled him a split second before Clint called “Surprise!” and Rebecca flung her arms around Bucky’s neck with a “Congratulations!”. Winifred was soon to follow and suddenly Bucky found himself in the middle of a group hug. He blinked at all the people surrounding him, unable to believe even his sister and mother had come all the way to New York to celebrate his birthday. 

And Peggy had fooled him. The old woman watched them with a self-satisfied smile and winked at him when she noticed him looking at her. He gave a soft nod as he smiled back.

“When did you plan all of this?” was the first thing he asked when his friends and family let go and only Steve still had an arm around him.

Natasha scoffed. “Why’d you think we were so secretive at work?”

“As if we’d let you work on your birthday.” Scott grinned. 

In the next moment someone shoved Bucky towards the table and when he turned his head to see who it was Clint said, “Now sit down, I’m starving,” which earned him some laughter and playful nudges. “What? There’s loads of food!”

“And presents!” Becca chimed in. But Bucky honestly couldn’t care less about the presents. He had everything he wanted right here, he thought as Steve kissed his cheek and Winifred squeezed his hand with a smile on her face. Although he definitely wasn’t complaining about the vintage record player, some of his favourite albums and kitchenware for his café.

***

Over the next couple of weeks Bucky showed up to all of his appointments after work. They were scheduled in the late afternoon so he wouldn’t miss that much work but could also go back home right after the sessions. Going to see the therapist still gave him an uneasy feeling and every time he made his way over to his office Bucky wondered which questions Banner might ask, how he would find out about the things that caused Bucky to have nightmares and panic attacks, how he would react when he figured out possible triggers. A large part of him didn’t want to face the horrors again, to think about Iraq much less speak about his employment overseas, and another, far smaller part was still embarrassed that he needed counselling, however irrational that might be. 

Dr Banner suggested Bucky should try to reach out to his old comrades from the first unit. “Just look up their addresses or phone numbers. You don’t have to contact them right away but talking to someone who has had similar experiences and actually shared time in the army with you can be a relief. Who knows, maybe they’ll be able to help you make progress much faster. You were friends with them, right?”

When Bucky nodded the therapist asked him to tell him about the Howling Commandos, their time together and how he had experienced their friendships. Those were the easier sessions, talking about the parts that had happened before he’d switched units. Talking about good men he’d fought with and not those assholes in his second unit. 

With time, Bucky noticed his friends and Steve watching him closely time and time again, sneaking glances when they thought he wasn’t looking and exchanging looks now and again. He knew they were talking about him and his sessions with Dr Banner occasionally and one of them (Natasha, he assumed) kept his family up to date – Winifred and Rebecca called or texted more regularly and not-so-subtly asked how he was doing. 

On the one hand Bucky was glad they didn’t constantly ask how he was feeling or questioned him about the sessions and how he was dealing with having to remember and even dig deeper than he had in more than two years. On the other hand he hated knowing that they were talking behind his back and he just couldn’t shake the stupid and utterly irrational feeling that they were judging how little progress he had been making. That lack of progress was what frustrated him most. Yes, he knew he wouldn’t get better after only four or five sessions, especially not since he’d bottled up so much over the past and he hadn’t even gotten to the real issues with Dr Banner yet, but somehow he’d hoped he would notice a change.

His sleep pattern was still a mess, though, and he woke up drenched in sweat and panting more often than not, even when Steve was right by his side and managed to calm him down. He still changed his shirts when Steve wasn’t looking and tugged his sleeves down as far as they would go. And he still refused to talk about the worst part of his experience. Dr Banner seemed to know there was more Bucky wasn’t willing to share but so far he hadn’t pressured Bucky or tried to poke into that certain wound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me start with saying I feel bad about not updating earlier, I really do. Once again uni and papers and this kinda stuff got in the way and Inktober is keeping me busy too. Nonetheless and as always I hope you're all still with me and this story and I really appreciate every single comment and subscription and bookmark and kudos so so much, thank you so very much!! It's so much fun to write this verse and I hope you're having as much fun as I do :)


	41. Chapter 41

“Steve… Steve. Hey, Stevie, wake up.”

Barely moving to acknowledge Bucky’s presence, Steve grunted into his blanket. Why should he even bother? After all, Bucky had already gotten up and Steve had kissed him goodbye before Bucky had left the apartment to get to his café. If he’d forgotten something he could look for it by himself. No need to wake Steve up.

Unfortunately, Bucky didn’t seem to share his sentiment and nudged Steve’s foot that was hanging off the bottom end of the bed. “Come on. Rise and shine.”

“Naaaw…” Steve groaned and moved into fetal position, pulling the blanket over his head in the process to shut out Bucky’s voice and avoid getting nudged or possible poked and tickled.

“Steve, get up, we have plans.”

“‘s still dark out, lemme sleep.”

“Nope. Come on, I made you coffee. And it’s not still dark out, it’s past eight.”

“Fuck eight. An’ fuck coffee.”

“Don’t let Clint hear that,” Bucky joked and started pulling away the blanket.

“I will murder you,” Steve growled and clutched onto the blanket. When his threat didn’t show any effect he grabbed Bucky’s wrist and pulled so hard that Bucky stumbled forward and landed on top of Steve with a surprised squeak. Quickly Steve wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and held on to him, determined not to let go no matter how much Bucky struggled and complained.

When Bucky finally accepted that he wasn’t going to get away with playing fair he huffed and rolled around until he was ~~smothering Steve with all his weight~~ lying more comfortably. “You’re unbelievable.”

“No, you are. ‘s ass o’clock in ‘e mornin’ an’ you’ve no right to be this fuckin’ cheerful.”

“Well, yeah, course I’m cheerful. I won’t work today and I’m gonna take you out.”

“Hmpf?”

“I said I’m taking today off and you and I are gonna go on a date. Now get your cute ass out of bed and get dressed.” It was a good day, Bucky had decided after waking up, he had slept great and was feeling rested for once. And yet there’d been a restless buzzing in his body. It wasn’t the usual, anxious one, though, but rather the feeling that he had to do something, anything that wasn’t just a normal day at the café like hundred other ones. The sun had come up around six and he’d called Natasha to tell her about his plans and asked her if she’d mind coming in a little earlier. Of course she hadn’t, she was an early bird, too, and Bucky really had the best friends in the entire world.

Somehow, Steve managed to wiggle around under Bucky until he could hide his face in the pillow and whined, “Why this early?”

“You are horrible, you know that?” Bucky placed a kiss on Steve’s jaw, rolled off of him and patted his butt. “C’mon, now, I wanna see you in clothes in five minutes.”

“Couldn’t you at least have woken me with a blowjob?” Steve grumbled and Bucky laughed.

“Steve, I’m pretty damn sure you’d just keep on sleeping.”

“Not if it was a good one.”

Gasping in faux shock, Bucky asked, “Are you saying I give bad blowjobs?”

Finally Steve lifted his head to blink at Bucky with tired eyes. There was a hint of a smirk on his face. “Are you willing to prove that you don’t?”

Bucky snorted a laugh and shook his head. “Good one, I give you that, punk, but not now. Get up.”

“Twenty-five more minutes,” Steve whined.

Even though he had expected resistance Bucky had hoped that the taking Steve out part would get him out of bed with nothing more than a little grumbling. He should have known better. Rolling his eyes, he muttered, “Insufferable,” then he got off the bed and headed out the door and to the kitchen.

He returned a few minutes later, accompanied by the soft clinking of mugs and the smell of fresh coffee. “Scoot over, I made breakfast. We were actually supposed to have it in your kitchen but whatever,” he said, fighting a fond smile, then he quickly added, “But don’t think you’ll get breakfast in bed every time you refuse to get up!”

When Steve had lifted his head to suspiciously peek up at the tray and confirm there was indeed breakfast he complied and made some space for Bucky who carefully sat down next to him and placed the tray in his lap. Bucky had brought fresh muffins and croissants from the café where he’d already been baking for almost three hours (someone had to bake everything, he couldn’t just leave everything for Natasha and Scott to handle on such notice, okay? He was taking things slow, though, just like Dr Banner had told him to), made eggs and bacon and had also set fresh orange juice, two mugs of coffee and Nutella onto the tray – Steve was unhealthily obsessed with that stuff. But since it wasn’t like Bucky didn’t know how much of a sweet tooth Steve had he chose to keep every comment to himself when he caught Steve with a spoon full of it in his mouth.

Steve immediately tried to grab one of the mugs but Bucky was quick enough to swat his hand away. “First you gotta swear you will get out of bed with me when we’re done.”

“Can’t we just stay in?”

“Nope. I got the whole day planned. Now swear.”

Steve pouted but when Bucky kept looking sternly at him he sighed and gave in. “Fine, I swear I’ll get outta bed after breakfast.”

With a peck on Steve’s lips and a “I promise you won’t regret it” Bucky handed him a mug and leaned back against the headboard. He watched Steve take a sip and took in the tousled blond hair, the crinkled shirt Steve used to sleep and the pattern the creases of the pillow had left on Steve’s cheek. Steve truly was a sight for sore eyes and Bucky felt so incredibly lucky to get to see him like this, still a little grumpy but sleepy and cute and somehow even soft.

Before Steve could devour everything Bucky had made, Bucky took one of the plates with eggs and bacon and started eating. It was incredible how much Steve could eat and still look the way he did. If Bucky hadn’t known any better he’d think his boyfriend might just be the result of some kind of experiment (or Steve worked out _way more_ than he admitted because come on, really, **nobody** looks like this from jogging twice a week and a little weight lifting). At least Steve had manners while eating, unlike some of Bucky’s friends, and eventually he cuddled into Bucky’s side with a muffin in one hand and the almost empty cup of coffee in the other.

“I think we should make this a regular thing.”

“Me being ignored by you until I bring you breakfast?” Bucky joked and Steve just grinned at him with his mouth full of pastry.

They ate in comfortable silence and after Steve had finished his coffee his free hand started tracing soft, lazy patterns over Bucky’s left hand and wrist. Bucky kept watching him from the corner of his eye when Steve caught him the corners of his eyes crinkled with a smile and lifted Bucky’s hand to his lips to kiss it. There were most certainly no butterflies in Bucky’s stomach, not at all. That fluttery hot feeling was definitely there because he’d drunk his coffee too fast. And besides, Bucky was the one who wanted to make Steve feel all fluttery and gooey and in love today. This was very unfair, he thought, but at the same time he couldn’t help wanting to bask in Steve’s attention and gentle touches.

When they had finished, put everything back on the tray and Steve had finally let Bucky get up he reluctantly got dressed as Bucky put away the dishes and grabbed the backpack he’d brought from home.

“What’s in there?” Steve asked, leaning against the door just as Bucky closed the backpack again. He was wearing jeans a dark blue sweatshirt over what looked like one of his incredibly tight tees.

It took Bucky’s brain a moment to find an appropriate answer. “Uhm… Drinks and a few snacks.”

“Looks like more than a few snacks. Would it be worth asking what we’re doing?”

Shaking his head, Bucky walked over to Steve and pulled him into a kiss instead. “You ready?”

“I wanna know,” Steve complained and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Don’t you like surprises?”

Steve grumbled something Bucky didn’t understand and grabbed his jacket. Bucky strapped on the backpack soon they were walking through the busy morning streets of Brooklyn, enjoying the warm sunshine – or rather, Bucky was enjoying it, Steve muttered something about too bright and sleep. He really wasn’t a morning person but Bucky hardly cared, Steve had to suck it up. It would absolutely be worth it, he was positive.

“Where are we even going?”

“Where almost there, c’mon, grumpy.” Bucky grasped Steve’s hand and pulled him across the street towards a seven storey building where he pressed one of the doorbells next to a small name plate. They had to wait for a few seconds before the door buzzed open and Bucky led Steve up the stairs to the top floor. He turned to a door on the right that had been left ajar and pushed it open, all the while dragging Steve with him.

Just as Steve wanted to stop Bucky and protested, “Buck, we can’t just ente–”, something golden shot at them and jumped Bucky who toppled backwards into Steve and started laughing. As soon as he’d regained his balance he knelt down, scratched the dog that had started to yap happily and was rewarded with a tongue licking his face. “Hey, buddy, has your dad not taken you for a walk yet? Ohhh, I know, yeah, he’s even lazier than Steve in the morning, right? Don’ worry, we’re gonna go outside in a minute.”

Grabbing Steve who’d watched the scene and pulling him down next to himself, Bucky shortly stopped petting the dog and said, “Listen, hey, Lucky, hold on for a sec, here, this is Steve. He’s gonna go for a walk with us, okay? C’mon, Steve, you can pet him, he’s the sweetest.”

Steve carefully stretched out his hand for Lucky to sniff and smiled when Lucky bumped his nose against it before licking over Steve’s fingers. Back when he’d been a kid, small and sickly, his mother had tried to keep him from the dogs he’d so badly wanted to pet and when one of them had run him over in excitement and he’d gotten hurt he’d become wary around them. But Lucky just rubbed his nose against Steve’s hand and eventually rested his chin on Steve’s knee so Steve could pet his head.

“You can just stay here with him, I’ll be right back.” Bucky stood and walked through the living room, calling, “Clint, you really coulda stayed up for another few minutes instead of going straight back to bed,” and opening a door. Steve could hear some unintelligible grumbling from Clint and Bucky asking where he’d find Lucky’s leash as he rubbed the dog’s belly.

“You really are the sweetest, aren’t you?” he smiled and Lucky barked at him as if to confirm his words.

When Bucky appeared a few minutes later followed by Clint who looked even more tired than Steve had felt when Bucky had woken him Lucky had climbed on Steve’s lap and Steve was laughing as he tried to keep him from licking his face.

“Good thing he likes you, otherwise Bucky would’ve had to break up with you,” Clint commented and Steve wasn’t entirely sure whether or not he was joking so he chose not to say anything. Lucky looked back at Clint and barked again.

“Yeah, I know, they’re going with you today. You’re cool with that, right? Nat already left, you know that, and Bucky offered to take you for a walk.” While Clint was talking, Lucky tilted his head and seemed to listen intently, and when Clint pulled the dog leash from underneath a bunch of jackets and shoes in the tiny, messy cloakroom Lucky’s tail started wagging erratically.

They were ready to leave in no time and Clint seemed happy to get back to bed. As they made their way to the nearest park, Steve asked, “Not that I’m complaining but did you really have to wake me this early just so we can spend the day playing with Clint’s dog?”

“Not complaining, huh?” Bucky grinned. “But no, I didn’t wake you just for that. This is more of a doing it for Natasha so she would take over the café today. I got other plans, too. Besides, eight o’clock does not count as ‘this early’.”

“Yeah it does.” In the next second he made a sound of surprise as Lucky pulled on his leash because he’d spotted another dog. It took far longer to get to their destination than it would have without Lucky but Steve was excited about all the dogs he was allowed to pet.

Once they had set foot in the park they let Lucky off the leash and walked for half an hour while Lucky ran all around them, stayed behind to sniff at a particularly interesting bush or ran ahead to greet other dogs. Eventually Steve and Bucky decided to sit in the sun for a while and leave Lucky to explore the park. Bucky pulled a picnic blanket form the backpack and grinned at Steve.

They made themselves comfortable, Bucky with Steve’s head in his lap, watched the families, dog owners and preschool children strolling through the park and enjoyed the warmth of the sunlight. Occasionally, Lucky came to be petted or to bring them a stick that Steve threw for him. At some point Steve made Bucky lie down next to him so he could snuggle into him and trace invisible patterns on Bucky’s chest. They used their jackets as pillows because it was warm enough and eventually Lucky came back to lie next to them, panting from all the running and chasing birds.

It was already noon when they finally packed their things and brought Lucky back to Clint who’d gone to work in the meantime. Bucky let them in with his own key, took off the leash and collar and petted the dog one last time. “Bye, buddy, see ya soon,” he said and Lucky gave him a wet kiss.

“No offense but I don’t think I wanna kiss you anymore,” Steve laughed and Bucky gave him a little shove. When they had made sure Lucky had everything he needed (namely, water, dog food and most importantly a slice of pizza – that dog clearly was Clint’s) and Bucky had washed his face he closed the door and they headed down the stairs again.

“And now,” Bucky made a dramatic pause, “we’re taking the subway to Coney Island.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo this chapter was supposed to include the whole date but this kinda got out of hand so part two of their date will be in the next chapter because I really wanted to get this one done today :)  
> As always, I hope you like it and let me know what you think - I promise I'll try to update more frequently again!


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